That DH needs to lower his gift expectations?

He sounds ridiculous - your presents are great! We are always so busy we often don’t get each other a proper present or get them late but we always go out for a meal! I think the list someone put up is great, I’m considering a smart watch for my partner. I got my partner a flying lesson one year which he loved - any experience stuff - or organise babysitting and have a night away somewhere lovely! I have also considered getting my partner membership of a kayaking club or getting him art lessons to encourage him to get involved in a hobby.

In terms of the kids presents I would stick with what other people suggested and let them choose something silly. Are there any xmas markets near you or big shops like TKMaxx. For christmas my 3 year old is getting small things for people - she’s picked colourful christmas crackers for her grandparents from the waitrose half price sale (big display by the door so she really wanted them lol), we went into Primark and she has chosen dog toys for the various dogs in her life (my friends, my aunts, her granny’s) - I intend to bring her to TKMaxx and suggest “would daddy like some socks or what would he like” and see what she chooses (I suspect it’ll be a teddy, an ornament or another dog toy lol). I really love the ideas of frames art or getting them to make something too.

This.
Also fortunate and comfortable, but my husband of 20 years would never pull this one.
Ick.

A t shirt for both kids saying ‘daddy is more childish than me’ on the front? Bonus points for if the word selfish is used somewhere too.

What a spoilt, entitled little prince your husband is!

I think you should stop wringing your hands about what to get him, and start deciding how you’re going to tell him he needs to bloody belt up.

Get him a pair of gloves he doesn’t want then

Electronic photo frame with pics of them or those photo frames you a put their art in.

He sounds like a child!

I can never get my head around how fully grown adults behave like this on their birthdays, with these crazy expectations. He’s acting like a spoilt teenager. Just nonsense. I’d be having strong words with him, for wanting so much money to be spent on him, and for wanting so much fuss. So off putting and immature.

Agreed.

LTB.

He likes to treat you, so I'd accept the gifts and try to wear them sometimes. Especially gloves, they can be worn even if not what you had chosen.

It sounds like you made a really nice effort last year. I'd tell him outright you're not motivated to get him anything as even when you do, it never seems to be enough. Tell him you think the gift giving in your family is out of hand.

What you can do is give him from the kids something he has to do with them, like tickets to a Christmas show, also get them to make handmade cards.

I completely understand where you're coming from OP!

It's unusual for the main breadwinner in a household to complain that NOT ENOUGH money is being pointlessly frittered away! Particularly in this climate.

You say you are aspiring for a larger house. Have you actually done the sums for how and when you are going to afford that, or is it just a pipe dream?

It sounds like your DH is quite happy to mindlessly spend without any thought to the future. I don't know how much he earns, but even a relatively large salary has to be managed carefully when you've got a family and mortgage etc.

Give hin the opportunity to parent solo while you go away for a month

We’ve got a paint it yourself pottery type place locally. They can help make something cute out of a handprint or footprint.

It's mean and childish of him to say he had a disappointing birthday. It's not a sign of a loving relationship, that's for sure. Regardless, I don't think that 'I looked after the children while he was away' should somehow be seen as a gift or an excuse (you really don't need an 'excuse' by the way! your gifts sound lovely).

I think it's time for you to find a job, gain some independence; a life of your own without the kids, even if you don't need it financially.

Then to answer your question, here are some gift ideas -- not knowing where his interests lie:

• (VIP) Season tickets
• Concert tickets
• Motorbike lessons
• PerfectDraft with a set of kegs
• A luxury coffee machine
• A bambu 3D printer
• A high-end game pc / the latest playstation
• A high-end smart watch
• Trip to the art gallery where he can choose any painting he likes

From the kids:

• A bottle of expensive rum or whisky with a handwritten/handdrawn card

Hope this is helpful 😊

You sound mismatched in this regard. He does sound a bit spoilt and insufferable about this, but you sound a bit sour-faced about the whole concept of celebrations (returning gifts given you, thinking his work (!) trip should be enough of a celebration) and I wonder if you're each exacerbating the other's issues with the way you do things, iyswim. Do you think you could sit down with him and have a proper conversation about it? Try and get him to pinpoint exactly what was 'disappointing' to him about his last birthday? He might see he's being a bit silly, and/or reflect a bit more deeply on what's going on there for him. Perhaps you can also talk about how you see birthdays too and come to some kind of agreement on how to handle it going forward.

My sister is like this. She gets really upset if she isn’t bought expensive things on her birthday or Christmas.

On the other hand, I really don’t care about gifts. I’m easily pleased.

My partner also doesn’t care about gifts so our relationship works - we often put money aside for a trip together or spa weekend as gifts to one another.

People are different and it is really hard to be with someone that has a different attitude to these sorts of things so I feel for you.

If anyone has any ideas what I can buy him ‘ from the kids’ then please share.

Get them to choose something in Poundland or similar. The weirder the better,

I actually think there are a couple of issues here. You seem to think that as he has all these work jollies, he doesn't deserve any extra effort for his birthday. He, on the other hand, sees his birthday and the thought and effort you put in as something that's really important to him.

On the work issue, I would be aiming to get some balance there - does he step up to support you when he' sback from these trips, give you a break etc? He should and if he's not, you should be having that conversation.

Separately, he seems to be one of those people who likes a massive fuss made for his birthday (although, as is often the case, makes very little fuss for you which is irritating but does seem to think flashy expensive gifts shows he cares).

So.... just do that. Buy him something overpriced but flashy. A pair of fancy cufflinks or a pair of designer shoes.

Then make a bit of a song and dance about taking the kids to choose daddy's present, wrap the present etc. Personally, I'd absolutely get the kids to choose the present themselves so any whinging from him is hopefully immediately stopped becuase the kids will be excited about choosing, wrapping etc for Daddy.

The on the day, make a bit of a fuss of him.

Of course, only if you want to do what works for him. If you think he's just a complete twat about it all, tell him that. Certainly, if MN is to be believed, lots of women would like a bit of a fuss but their partners are vocal that they think it's a waste of time and money ....

I too don't think going to a work thing is really to be counted on your list of birthday presents, although I agree he was very ungrateful about your actual gifts.

If he's given you a list, couldn't you get one thing for birthday and little things from kids, and two for Christmas one from you one from kids?

Buy air-drying clay and paint and let the kids make him gifts. If he complains, be outraged that he didn't love the beautiful green hippo that his little darling handmade for him. What gift could be more precious?

Similarly, birthday outing is a dinner for two with just you, followed by a family day out with the four of you where he gets to spend quality time with (aka parent) his kids. If he complains, be hurt that time with you and his babies is not the best time he could imagine.

And say you want a £50 limit (or less) on presents to and from each other as neither of you need anything and you're saving for a house.

Although, you say you are a SAHM with no income. Do you share finances? Or is he giving you an allowance for personal spending that reflects the fact that he hasn't had to give up work to look after his own children? Because if not, (he should be) you can't afford to buy him presents.

Finally, did he bake you a cake on your birthday?

To be brutally honest, I think I would be taking a long hard look at the relationship over all. Certainly not tying myself into more debt of a mortgage even if I could afford it.
It sounds like you have an much older child to tend with than you realised. Making a fuss about his birthday and 'lack of effort' on your part? WTAF I hope you put 8 candles on his cake, but then that might be insulting to a lot of 8 year olds.

WTF! What else does he actually want?! You sound really lovely and thoughtful. Could you suggest to him that as he seems to always be disappointed with presents, why not have a £10 limit to buy something small and then put the rest of the money together and "buy each other" a weekend away (if you have childcare)?

My friend took her DC when they were little to the pound shop to choose their own presents for family members. She did say she turned her DS away from the panty liners as a gift for his uncle but broadly let them choose. That might be a fun option (given that he'll be disappointed with whatever).

Is it about money? Like as long as you spend money it is a good present regardless if any thought goes into it?

Take the kids to a Christmas fair or similar run by your local primary school/village hall/etc.

Let them actually choose for real.

He'll get random shit but they will have chosen.

Also handmade cards (get paper, place children in rough vicinity of paper with pens, watch)

He sounds like a cheesy 14 year old boy who is going through a hormonal change and wants the latest trainers and branded t-shirts to impress girls from school 🤢

What did he DO, not what did he buy

Does he just want you to buy him big presents? That's easy enough if you have the money.