That DH needs to lower his gift expectations?

Get him a lawn mower, a set of screw drivers, some toe nail clippers and an Aldi shopping voucher.

If he's disappointed with the effort, then get him nothing next year and say "I'm no good at buying presents, you always complain, so not bothering anymore"

Take a nice photo of hom amd the children and have it made into a jigsaw.

You spent £250 on birthday gifts and made a cake and he doesn’t think you made enough effort for his birthday? You have bigger problems than what this spoiled selfish twat gets for his birthday. Sounds like he’ll never be happy.

what a man child. No grown up needs gifts. I don't know many adults who do gifts for birthdays. It's just odd. And why does Xmas cost thousands??? All very weird?

I wouldn't get this self entitled prick anything for his birthday. You did loads last year and got this ungrateful response. Live and learn!

Given he earns all the money anyway, he may as well cut out the middleman and buy his own birthday present.

Love this - you clearly have a rare talent for finding the right thing for the right stupid little prick!

If he likes golf ⛳️ send him up to Trump Turnberry in Ayrshire 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 😉 because he sounds insufferable 😉
However , if he’s really not that insufferable then maybe book a weekend ( if you can arrange childcare with your parents) away somewhere he’s interested in .
Gleneagles ???

Part of me wants to suggest therapy, given that the overgrown manchild apparently hasn't got over the "December birthday" trauma and is still acting out his insecurities about "My birthday is never as good as everyone else's birthdays."

There are currently Chrustmas themed rubber ducks in Poundland....

But she also bought him nice stuff?

Just because you don’t want or need the expensive gifts, doesn’t mean he hasn’t tried, and maybe that’s all he wants from you?

@chugalugme Throwing money at presents for your wife that ‘aren’t her’ doesn’t show he tried at all. It shows he bought something expensive but doesn’t really know, or perhaps doesn’t care what his wife really likes. It requires no thought at all to spend a lot of money on random gifts your partner has shown no interest in.
But you’re right about one thing. Op’s husband clearly just wants a lot of money thrown at his gifts. Which makes him rather a bellend in my opinion.

Is his name Dudley Dursley?

I think he doesn't want the party or the cake. It sounds like his love language is gifts.

Whereas OP's is physical service.

She thinks baking cakes and doing loads of childcare while he works is what he wants. It's not. That's why he spends a lot on OP even if she doesn't want the item. It's his love language.

Side note, if you're sahm and being fully supported by a working partner then you should be doing the bulk of the childcare (if there is any, OP mentions nursery) and not trying to pass this off as any kind of gift.

Just buy him the stuff he's after. It's once a year.

Your husband sounds like a spoilt child. I would tell him so.

That's the problem with buying presents when older and together a long time, hard to think of new ideas. So we simply don't, we don't view birthdays as importantly. All I've ever wanted is a nice day, bit of a treat breakfast, any presents appreciated, dame as DH. Before DC we would spend more and go away etc but now it's not such a big deal. X

My DD went into Poundland with £2 from Granny to get me a gift. Precocious 4yr old marched in herself, and came out with a pair of pink rubber gloves and a fancy patterned box of condoms 🤣🤣🤣
To be fair I do have sensitive skin 😁

My birthday is a day apart from Christmas, and it does give you a slight complex growing up with 'joint presents', people always forgetting, never being able to do anything like a party.

BUT then you grow up. I organise what i want the day to be like (for example, we always do one of those christmas lights national trust type things, nothing else is open). Present wise, I am upset if I don't have a token present from the kids but I don't really care what it is. My partner is much more like yours - throwing money at gifts rather than thoughtful, handmade or experiences which I would prefer. But I would never tell him I would prefer something else!! That would be unkind and rude, imo.

We probably spend around £100/150 on birthdays and I feel that's too much. He does it because he knows my complex (probably more about my upbringing than actually having a Christmas birthday tbf) and wants to make up for it.

How were his birthdays growing up OP? Maybe its something deeper? ...or you just have a man child on your hands.

He loves belittling you doesn’t he? You’re not the love of his life. You’re his entertainment. He likes to abuse you, make you feel less than, so he can be a victim, or feel empowered by making you run after him like that. That is no relationship for children to witness. He’s got you dependent and tied down, so can be as abusive as he wants and it will get worse with time.

Be careful. If I were you, I’d be getting a job, even part time, and putting together an escape fund for the not too distant future.

And what did he get you from the kids?
a week before his birthday I’d give him a letter about all the things I’d done for him, while he was away drinking and shopping. I’d say I haven’t bought you a present from the kids for next week but I have been the only adult in their lives and have looked after them 24 hours a day for a month, while they were sick and I was exhausted, and a husband that doesn’t value and appreciate what I bring to our family is not a man who I can be arsed buying a present for ever ever again. Do you only value material things and literally not notice all the many many other ways you are continually taken care of? When did you last support me to go away for so much as a night? To have a hobby? To have any time for myself at all? Im seriously questioning what we are to each other right now, Next week I have a home made cake planned for you which is a labour of love. You’ve never made a cake while parenting children. I haven’t any wrapped gifts as you’ve had a solid month free as a bird to drink and buy things, and as a man with young children that represents a huge sacrifice by me. A cake is more appreciation than you’ve shown me in a long time, so if you want to be upset about your birthdya then please just leave. I’d like us to get back to a state where we can value each other but if we can’t then I don’t want to be married.’

Get the children to make something for him? Surely he couldn't complain about that!??

In terms of gifts from children. I got my other half one of those books you complete about your life and gift back to the child. That went down so well he got one from each child and delegated the completion to me ! But he did like it. I also often get him a Lego kit that the children can help him (hinder him) make from them.

good luck. It sounds like your OH is hard to buy for.

we don't really do presents for birthdays. we do for Christmas, but birthdays are all about, you get to choose what to do for the day, and have a fantastic dinner of your choice. for example, my most recent birthday, my best friend from across the country visited, we had a few great days out. Boscastle, which we all love, the Witchcraft museum there and lunch in the Cobweb Inn, and on the actual day, we went to the fantastic local aquarium, and then dinner at Pho. we took a local friend of mine and treated her, as she's a foodie too, but can't really afford to eat out, and her birthday is a few days before mine, so paying for her was her birthday present. we had a lovely evening. he didn't get me any THINGS. but we had a weekend of doing fun stuff together, and good food. on his birthday, in the Summer, we went to the Eden Project (where we randomly bumped into Anne Hegerty twice) had a light lunch there, delicious baobab ice creams, and then a takeaway of his choice.

christmas we do presents. birthdays we do birthday persons choice of activities and foods. in fact, one year, my choice of activity was, we're getting in a load of snacks, and you're both going to binge watch all of Good Omens with me, because I love it and I want to share it with you both.

he sounds hard work to me but how about Fingerprint cufflinks from the kids? And a homemade finger painted card. Then book a nice meal out so you get to enjoy it too

I thought this thread was going to be a 'how do I explain I can't do as much as last year' thread and I was totally shocked to read he was disappointed last year!!! It sounds like you did a lot, especially baking a cake and having a little party. He needs to grow up.

Gift him the special opportunity to spend quality time with the DCs, perhaps doing crafty activities or a games day whilst you selflessly deprive yourself of their company, subjecting yourself to a gruelling day of bodily treatments in a luxury spa.