Page 2 | Narcissistic personality disorder

mummabearxoo · 2024-11-26T09:49:09+00:00

How does one attempt to help someone with Narcissistic personality disorder.. I've watched my husband grow from a boy to a man, once apon a time he was normal and with adulthood he just got worse and worse. This is a mentally deluded man who truly believes he is the gift of good, he sees himself as an extremely important person who no one can live without, he's super hot headed and you have to watch your words when in conversation with him because somehow he turns every comment into a negative. He believes there's no one out there quite like him and everyone should be lucky to have him, however he also has good traits he is very caring and protective to the people he loves, he is a great dad and his ways never actually show around the children. He's has just lost the last good friend he has because of the bullshit he spews, he cannot be told, he is always right, he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him. I believe he is mentally unwell. You may think I'm a fool for wanting to help but I'm the only person this man has left. Is it a lost cause, is there a way to help?

hamsandyams · 26/11/2024 10:30

Well he needs to get therapy for his diagnosed conditions, or you leave. Or you put up with it and cause you and your children emotional harm.

For me, if he wasn’t willing to engage in therapy then I’d leave. But I have been accused of having narcissistic traits in the past, so my cut and dry approach to leaving a relationship that doesn’t serve me might be influenced by that…

Original poster

mummabearxoo · 26/11/2024 10:30

@MyHonestEagle as I've said already my children do not see his behaviours. My trying to fix my family or at least try before completely giving up

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Imbusytodaysorry · 26/11/2024 10:29

mummabearxoo · 26/11/2024 10:05

Yes me included he would not let a soul disrespect or hurt me other than himself of course with his words.

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That’s not about you that about him .
You are his wife his property . If he let anyone hurt you or disrespect you then it looks bad on him .

I can’t say strongly enough to leave.
Even a counsellor will tell you that it would take many years to help a narcassist , and I believe that’s a nice way of saying they will never change.
Because they won’t . They don’t want to .
The way they live works for them , they don’t care about anyone else . As you have pointed out he is of the greatest importance . He is what matters in life. .
@mummabearxoo please put your kids first and you deserve happiness too .

MyHonestEagle · 26/11/2024 10:28

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MyHonestEagle · 26/11/2024 10:27

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Original poster

mummabearxoo · 26/11/2024 10:26

@MyHonestEagle is a line was ever crossed with my kids and if like you say my kids do become aware of him it's a different story of course my children will always come first. I suppose I'm trying to see if there is any way through this before my child reach that age and become more aware. So they can have there dad around

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Thatdarncat44 · 26/11/2024 10:25

mummabearxoo · 26/11/2024 10:06

This is actually diagnosed but in the early stages, it has gotten much worse but he doesn't think so

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Was it diagnosed by a Psychiatrist? Loads of Psychiatric nurses and quack therapists think they can diagnose these things but they do more harm than good with their quackery!

MyHonestEagle · 26/11/2024 10:25

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Purplecatshopaholic · 26/11/2024 10:24

It got worse and worse and I divorced mine in the end.

MyHonestEagle · 26/11/2024 10:24

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SleepyHippy3 · 26/11/2024 10:23

Julie168 · 26/11/2024 10:19

I disagree that narcissists are capable of love. They are capable or adoration, obsession, limerance etc but the conditional, transactional nature of it means it is superficial and can disappear in a second. It's not love, but it can look and feel like it.

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Yes, I think you are right. I guess being made to believe that you are truly loved, for that one moment, is another manipulative tactic. Yes, every thing is conditional with them.

Original poster

mummabearxoo · 26/11/2024 10:23

I have an extremely caring personality, although a lot of people on this thread advise dropping and running, this man is the man I have seen at his worst and best I have seen him "better" and a good person. I don't know if my conscience can take leaving him with absolutely no one and knowing the farther of my children will further decline and god knows what will happen to him.

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Startingagainandagain · 26/11/2024 10:23

There is nothing you can do. People with NPD never change because they can't self-reflect or accept that there might be something wrong with them.

I would not stay in this marriage and as other have said I would be concerned as to how your husband would react when your kids grow into teenagers.

MyHonestEagle · 26/11/2024 10:21

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mummabearxoo · 26/11/2024 10:19

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He is only 27 it's was 2016-17 when he was receiving support

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Julie168 · 26/11/2024 10:19

SleepyHippy3 · 26/11/2024 10:15

I disagree. I think if he is a true narcissist, which he might be, given what you are describing, even small children pick up on the most nuanced narcissistic micro aggression, and thus definitely will have a long term effect on them. More over, as the children grow, it may come to a point when they are older, that your husband will choose his golden child, over the other child, who in turn will become another target of his narcissistic judgments and manipulation. It messes up your self perception, and the perception of the world around you, you grow up severely doubting yourself. This is what happened to myself and my siblings. I think narcissists are definitely capable of love, and being kind to the people they care about, but I think it’s very conditional and done through the prism of their all encompassing narcissism. Always stand up for your kids when he is in the wrong. As parents you think that you would be a team for your children, but narcissists don’t think that way. Sounds like your relationship with him is all about not upsetting him, or getting him into a narcissistic rage. What kind of life is that? This is not good for your kids.

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I disagree that narcissists are capable of love. They are capable or adoration, obsession, limerance etc but the conditional, transactional nature of it means it is superficial and can disappear in a second. It's not love, but it can look and feel like it.

Seasidesand76 · 26/11/2024 10:19

mummabearxoo · 26/11/2024 10:05

Yes me included he would not let a soul disrespect or hurt me other than himself of course with his words.

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So you view him has protective and caring as long as it's only him dishing out the abuse to you. I think you need therapy to help guide what you view as acceptable before your children carry on that mentality.

MyHonestEagle · 26/11/2024 10:19

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Plastictrees · 26/11/2024 10:17

Julie168 · 26/11/2024 10:14

NPD is incurable, a quick google will tell you that. Even therapy is often completely useless as the person with NPD will either get the therapist onside with their charm or will use the sessions to learn how to be even more manipulative.
You're a pawn to him. He'll be nice when you're useful and playing the game and turn on you when you're not. There isn't the self awareness or authenticity for any kind of depth to your relationship. It can only ever be superficial and transactional. He would drop you like a stone without a second thought if you weren't useful, he will use you and feel he is entitled to treat you however he sees fit. There is no helping him, this relationship will always be toxic.

Edited

This isn’t strictly true. There are therapies specifically designed for this type of entrenched ‘personality’ issues, however they are so specialised it can be difficult to access them. And the person needs to have a level of insight, motivation and willingness to engage too. Most people with high level narcissistic traits will never seek therapy as they do not see anything wrong.

MyHonestEagle · 26/11/2024 10:17

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MyHonestEagle · 26/11/2024 10:16

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SleepyHippy3 · 26/11/2024 10:15

mummabearxoo · 26/11/2024 09:53

My children don't see him this way, when the kids are around it's almost like a show, it's normal.. they are 6 and 3

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I disagree. I think if he is a true narcissist, which he might be, given what you are describing, even small children pick up on the most nuanced narcissistic micro aggression, and thus definitely will have a long term effect on them. More over, as the children grow, it may come to a point when they are older, that your husband will choose his golden child, over the other child, who in turn will become another target of his narcissistic judgments and manipulation. It messes up your self perception, and the perception of the world around you, you grow up severely doubting yourself. This is what happened to myself and my siblings. I think narcissists are definitely capable of love, and being kind to the people they care about, but I think it’s very conditional and done through the prism of their all encompassing narcissism. Always stand up for your kids when he is in the wrong. As parents you think that you would be a team for your children, but narcissists don’t think that way. Sounds like your relationship with him is all about not upsetting him, or getting him into a narcissistic rage. What kind of life is that? This is not good for your kids.

MyHonestEagle · 26/11/2024 10:15

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AnneLovesGilbert · 26/11/2024 10:14

You have an inflated opinion of yourself if you believe he needs you to help him and you’re the only one who can. And it was naive to have kids with someone with two personality disorders, what was that about?

Julie168 · 26/11/2024 10:14

NPD is incurable, a quick google will tell you that. Even therapy is often completely useless as the person with NPD will either get the therapist onside with their charm or will use the sessions to learn how to be even more manipulative.
You're a pawn to him. He'll be nice when you're useful and playing the game and turn on you when you're not. There isn't the self awareness or authenticity for any kind of depth to your relationship. It can only ever be superficial and transactional. He would drop you like a stone without a second thought if you weren't useful, he will use you and feel he is entitled to treat you however he sees fit. There is no helping him, this relationship will always be toxic.