Aibu to impose these restrictions on kids phone

Perfectly reasonable, in fact ours shuts off at 7pm and has a shorter daily allowance otherwise we would never get any interaction from him lol

at that age the phones were locked down overnight - so could only access alarm etc

apps download required a message to be sent to our phones to approve

find my iphone is turned on - they are older teens now and we can still all see where each other are. handy when someone drops their phone in a field!

when they were 11/12 and first got the phones they would be downstairs overnight and there was a period I would check all messages each night. a couple of the pther parents did too and we would message each other if we found anything inapproriate - swearing or what came across as bullying etc so we could talk to our kids about how to communicate over text (as it is different to talking and things do get lost in translation)

We have always been very open with them about the dangers of online, reiterating only befriend people online that you know in real life etc, dont give out any personal info and so on.

Pretty similar to what we did. No phones overnight, not unlocked until ready for school.
One is better than the other at self regulating usage so was allowed more time earlier. They're now old enough to appreciate sleep more and the knock on effects to their school work and sport so that does make life easier.

You are a good mum for doing this. Too many parents choose lazy parenting by letting the kids spend all of their time on devices

My son is 11 he’ll be 12 in February. You are not being unreasonable at all! His phone locks at 9pm opens at 7am but he doesn’t use it in the morning because it’s charging downstairs and he’s busy dressing, eating, getting ready. I let him chat on his phone for ages with his lovely good friends, they’re genuinely just chatting having a laugh and sometimes play online games which they chat to each other whilst playing.
I am VERY strict and my sons know I’m in charge. I remind him, once he earns his own money, he’ll be independent and I don’t need to monitor his phone use anymore, plus I’d hope by 18 he stays the wonderful boy he already is, so he’ll be sensible. But from now til then, he is a child. A very young vulnerable, naive, innocent child. So my husband and I will look after him and keep him safe!

Not at all unreasonable.

My son 12 has the same. No Facebook, insta, Snapchat or tiktok. They have age limits for a reason and he is not there yet. He does also have an Xbox and switch (uses ay grandparents as he gets bored there now) so to me that is more than enough screen time.
My daughter is 15 and has no time restrictions as such but she does not have any social media and that uses WhatsApp and YouTube.
I must say though, my son so many physical activities he does get longer at times.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I applaud you.

We do the same for our daughter. She started high school this September and therefore has had her first phone.

It has parental locks, screen time and the App Store has been removed. We have added in words such as Facebook/porn into the safe search filters and made she she has zero access to social media.

The only app she can utilise that’s sort of social media is YouTube.

I’m sick of hearing parents moaning that their child is being bullied on social media. REMOVE IT AND STOP ACCESS!

I’m hoping the UK moves to align with the new laws in Australia, to endure anyone under 16 cannot have access to it. Young people cannot cope and do not know how to used it properly or morally.

I applaud you as a parent.

I think the "rules" are reasonable (although if she is using a phone a lot for school work, I would consider upping the limit/excluding this).

I would personally not have hard locks in the morning and evening, but make doing these things part of good practice. Having them there sets up a challenge of trying to get around them, IMO it's better to encourage good behaviour rather than restricting.

If you have a homework app that needs to be accessed, things ticked off as done etc. you might need to tweak timings going forward.

Stick to your guns. You're right. Children that age shouldn't have smartphones at all, but it would be too isolating for many to go down that route so restrictions are the best compromise.

I'm part of a growing community called smartphone free childhood.

We get schools on board to minimises the peer pressure factor. This is more a PSA for those with kids who've yet to get smartphones.

But I don't think you're being too strict - I'd go further. I wish I had a grown up to restrict my own phone use for me

DD's phone doesn't lock, but it does go away at night to charge and mornings are spent getting ready and chatting.

We don't have a time limit because our routine and school limits usage anyway. I am more relaxed on weekends/holidays.

I do check her phone , she can't download anything without permission (doesn't know the apple id password) and I take an active interest into what she's watching, what she's playing etc.

We found a good balance I hope.

Read The Anxious Generation to see what unfettered smartphone use has done and is doing to our young people. You'll be absolutely resolute in the fact you're doing the right thing. Teenager girls are most at risk from long term poor mental health through social media use and smartphone use.

You're definitely not being too strict. I wouldn't even allow use as late as 9.30 at night in order to promote better sleep hygiene.

We’re strict too. Same as you. We struggle as adults to keep off our phones so the poor kids have no chance. We talk about it all the time, the dopamine hits it gives you etc. it means they spend more time on music practice, being silly with friends, cooking, and hanging out as a family. Good for you. They don’t know what’s good for them.

I was out for a meal the other night and was sitting next to a young nurse from work. Her phone was not only on the table but was flashing with constant notifications. I thought, what a prisoner you are. And here I am on Mumsnet rather than reading my book! What a pull they are. Mmmmm flashy lights!

I don't think you are being unnecessarily strict. Having watched the bbc documentary of the recent awful "catfish" case from Newery and having intercepted messages where my 14 year old was being blackmailed to send images i am all for being cautious.

Personally, I usually find it's the parents who have never check their kids phone feeling like the parents who do are strict and controlling. 12 is very young and personally would never allow a device in their bedrooms

I have two 12 year olds.
very similar restrictions to you except downtime goes on at 8pm.
Apps have a screen time limit. No social media except what’s app. No safari unless I am in the room with them and it’s for looking up something specific.
No you tube except you tube kids unless I am supervising.
They do have loads of games and what’s app.
Apparently I’m strict but I know they have friends who’s parents are similar.
Stick your ground! Plenty of time for more phone and social media in coming years.

Stick with it op.
My uni aged dc now thanks me for similar restrictions.

As a response to this I would say with family link (android) you can have "always allowed" apps, one of which is the call function so they are still able to call anyone they like - including parents/emergency services as required - at any point.... I actually also think daughter's allows texting as well so they can always communicate, just a bit old skool 😆 when she grumbles (rarely these days tbh) about not being able to take to friends i do point this out 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would really like to know the true picture. When I go out, I see teenagers on phones on the bus, sitting in parks on phones together, just watching videos. My DC think that I am too strict and that everyone else has no limits. I would love them to do other things but it seems to be the way things are. It’s not difficult to rack up screen time. They are constantly trying to think of exceptions that mean they are allowed access to phones. I wish I’d been stricter in the first place as I’m just ground down by it all. When I’ve tried to research into what’s appropriate all the guidance basically says to not give phones and no access to certain apps. I would really like there to be a reasonable guideline that accepts that children will try to push things and like to do things meant for older children, as has always been the case.

I think the biggest rule is that they need to tell you if anyone messages anything inappropriate and not to speak to people they don't know in real life. Even friends of friends.

I had a rule that I could look at DDs phone whenever I felt necessary. It's not about invading privacy, it's about keeping them safe.

We always prepare them for not talking to strangers but then those strangers have cute dogs and they forget all about it. The same is true with phones, those with vile intentions find a way to get round the rules we set and advice we offer.

I think you are very much on the right lines but can you discuss with her and find some compromise together so she feels she has some say in things?

2130 seems late for it to go off to me
1900 for my 11 and 12 yos. I am toying with moving it to 1930