Aibu to impose these restrictions on kids phone

Don't speak for all children - just because yours isn't sensible enough to control their own phone and social media use doesn't mean everyone's child is the same!

Even sensible children can be a bit daft sometimes, because they're children and get caught up in things. They can also be groomed or exposed to unsuitable content through their mates. How sensible they are becomes irrelevant when they interact with others. You're relying on other children to be just as sensible and other parents to parent their kids properly.

She has 4 years until she's 16 , and 6 until she's 18.

At the moment she's still a child , who needs the protection and guidance of a child.

OP can always reassess as she grows.

@lessglittermoremud my 10 DS has a Nokia brick phone. We are not the only ones to have such a phone, and they can perform the essentials (phone or text us) when necessary as school is out in the sticks and buses are erratic. We are in no hurry to give a smartphone, the research has shown repeatedly the effects of smartphones on young brains.

Still, it's easier for those who can't cope to not have all their mates on there without you.

Forgot to say, we have a family ipad for homework etc, so no need for phone for that.

You're nicer than we are! No smartphone until 13! Brick only over here. My own parents were strict and I'm grateful for it, so I have no problem listening to DC complain about how terrible we are. However, they do a lot of extra curricular activities (mainly sport) so don't actually have much spare time for phones.

Read The Anxious Generation for the impact of smartphones/social media on teenagers - excellent motivation for staying strong!

Google Smartphone free childhood campaign and PAPAYA, they have loads of good data and resources to back you up. You're doing the right thing!

Very similar to the restrictions I have set on my year 8’s phone except I don’t have a screen time limit. Partly because his main use is FaceTiming friends whilst they pay d&d/lego/computer games all chatting. No different to the way I used to spend most of the time at home on the landline

I think also that too much control leads to negative behaviours - eg lying, getting a spare ‘secret’ phone, and not being able to have open and honest conversations with you about important things as the years go on. Don’t make yourself the enemy. Soon she will be an adult and you will have absolutely no say whatsoever.

Although your rules sound ok, it sounds like a very controlling atmosphere. I’d let her have it in the morning from say 6.30/7 as otherwise she hardly has any time to communicate with friends etc before school starts. She needs to feel less like it is a battle and as if she is being controlled - although phones charging and out of the bedroom from 8.30/9pm would be non negotiable for me. I also think you need to turn this on its head and make sure she is too busy enjoying doing other things so she doesn’t have so much time to be on her phone. Creating a controlling environment and a battle of wills is not good for anyone.

These seem pretty sensible and responsible to me

My 14 year old daughter has very similar limitations on hers too and (there has been some pushback) she knows ‘them’s the rules’

My 11 year old isn’t allowed TikTok etc he has WhatsApp but no social media what so ever. He has screen limits on all devices except his phone but it is switched off in his bag during the day and when I check on him when I go up to bed he’s fast asleep so it’s not keeping him awake, he has been told that if I catch him on it when he would be asleep he’ll have to hand it to me at night.
i do spot checks on his phone, he knows to hand it over when i ask for it. My argument is that it’s actually my old phone and i pay for it so I can look at it when i ask.
He’s been warned if he’s stupid it on it, i’ll take the iPhone and give him a nokia that has no camera/internet etc (his 10 year old brother has a Nokia as he walks to and from school himself, he’s the only one of his friends not to have some sort of smartphone.)
im told im too strict, but i don’t care 🤷‍♀️ i think at the moment ive managed to not make him too different from his friends (he’s just started high school) for him to be teased, but to also protect his mental health and avoid him being a screen zombie 🧟

I’m impressed. This is good parenting

Don't speak for all children - just because yours isn't sensible enough to control their own phone and social media use doesn't mean everyone's child is the same!

That would not work with my children! And does seem ridiculously strict.
My kids app based homework takes more than 2.5 hours a day; that's without checking school emails etc.
An hour of that would be taken up each day using their phones to listen to music on the train to and from school each day.
What happens in an emergency if they've used up their daily amount of screen time?

Can you be my mum and put restrictions on my phone.

the only thing to be careful of is if your kid is having a sleepover etc that they can still call you if they are out at an activity etc

scouts sometimes goes over 10pm if they are lost on a night hike

Our boundaries are similar.

Uncontrolled access has its issues.

I also think it's a risk in the secondary years to just blindly hope that they'll naturally mature their way out of it with minimal experience. If they are too out of step with their peers, that also causes RL issues. There's plenty of adults with poor regulation when this technology wasn't availiable in their youth, and some have to learn through experience at how to manage themselves because it's not instinctive.

My y9 is not interested in social connection. Likes youtube documentaries and Warhammer content (autistic)

My y7 learned from the relative safety of the y6 chat that he CBA with bigger rambling group chats (excellent) and focuses on directly chatting with close friends. Tik tok is banned, but they know that a lot of content is also on youtube which at least has better filters, and they watch more long content. They also watch youtube on the main TV so that means I see what the algorithms throw up. Also likes duolingo and coding apps.

I'm not getting complaints and they know why certain boundaries (e.g. Tik Tok & snapchat) are in place so it's all quite civil at this point...

Sounds reasonable to me, similar “rules” with my ds who is 11 but he uses his pc for homework so that won’t eat into phone time

I am however more lenient on Friday and Saturday evenings because I don’t him
being up late those days

Similar to you.
Parental controls only on my phone and DH's so no guessing of passwords.
Phone locks at 9.45 Sun-Thur and 10.30 Fri and Saturday. Unlocks 6.45 Mon-Fri for alarms/bus app/school work.
It does stay in the bedroom because of alarms.

Our 12yo DD has similar restrictions. Locked between 9pm and 9am, not allowed upstairs in her bedroom (cos she was dicking about on it instead of whatever we had asked her to do like tidying) but she can connect to bluetooth speaker so she can listen to music there.
We have calls always allowed and WhatsApp but monitor who she has on groups and messages - mostly family but some school friends. She has been quite good at realising that class group chats are just drama and takes herself out of them, she has some chats for her and friends only.

20 minutes max allowed on Instagram cos she has a sports profile that she uses to connect with other kids in her sport and her club page. If she is making a reel or whatever I will unlock more time. Absolutely no Snapchat, don't care how many of her peers have it.

2 hours screen time a day, doesn't always use it but we do a lot of driving to and from sports so she passes time in the car, and she does get to use the iPad in the living room if she is watching longer videos for things - watches mark rober, the two girls who create Sims rooms, Colin Furze etc.

And we still have full password restrictions on all the settings, she knows we can access everything and that we do check through. We talk regularly about online safety, how people can pretend to be anyone now and how AI is only making it easier for people to filter their videos and things.

My DCs are older than yours

• only approved internet sites (mostly HW sites from school) - everything else is blocked
• no YouTube/TikTok/insta/etc
• App Store locked - come to me to get an app installed
• 30 minute daily timer across game apps
• screen lockdown from 8:30pm - 6:00am

As a secondary school teacher, you’re absolutely spot on. Unfortunately there are still many children whose parents don’t do this and they’re up all night on their phones, they then struggle to concentrate and regulate their emotions, and sleep is essential for their growing and development. You’re also protecting her from bullying and harmful online content.

Oh forgot to mention, I also have a website blocker on our wifi which their phones are obviously connected to.

I have a 20 year old and 3 12 year olds. Due to mistakes I made with my eldest, my 12s don't even have phones. When I buy them phones this Christmas, they will be basic as hell.

My boys are 13 and 15. They still have almost the same limitations on their phones, although theirs lock at 2030. Do they ask me to unlock for an hour or so most nights? Yes. Do I do that most nights? Also yes.

All three of mine could turn off these restrictions but they all recognise they have poor impulse control so prefer me to have a bit more control than possibly others might have.

The older have TikTok. But those can be accessed on Youtube anyway.