Aibu to impose these restrictions on kids phone

You can load whatsapp onto a laptop too.

Can you access your kid's WhatsApp account remotely? I want to be able to do this.

Child is 13 and has only WhatsApp Social media wise, plus YouTubers access.

Child is not always with me hence wanting to be able to tap into it.

Between us parents it's a real challenge keeping on top of the WhatsApp communication's for various reasons.

That is quite a lot of time online, does she access any activities outside of school?

Why does a 12yo need to communicate with her friends before school, over a phone?

@Onlyonekenobe at the very least, to discuss the day. Is it definitely non-uniform? Was that homework meant to be for today? As I posted earlier, my DD gets ready on video call and she's forming deep and meaningful connections with those friends. We are all working parents and things change so sometimes they'll swap lifts and things. Phones are not the devil.

@BodyKeepingScore paedophiles and groomers are everywhere. My dd is not on discord but it makes more sense to warn them of risk with regular, open discussion than ban them from everything that would be perfectly safe without paedophiles (I.e everything)

No child should be on Discord, particularly with no restrictions. The anime community there is widely known to harbour paedophiles and groomers.

My teen has only just been allowed a phone past 9pm at 15. At 12 they were locked past 8pm, back on an 6 bit no phones until ready for school or at meals. Didn't limit screen time but any apps were monitored and I have their passcodes. When they are old enough to pay their own phone bills they can make their own rules

Mine is similar too. I have a 15 year old and 12 year old. Both have to leave their phones downstairs and go off them by 9ish on week nights, maybe 9.30 at weekends. The 15 yr old got Instagram at 13 and Snap at the end of Yr 9 on the condition that I follow her and she is on the family centre Snap account. 12 yo only has What's App, no Tik Tok.

They do have their phones in the morning before school for about half an hour - eldest takes hers as she has a long commute and her school often does activities on phones in lessons. Youngest is a 15 min walk away and school has a strict no phones policy so she leaves hers at home.
It's all about balance and what you feel comfortable with. I have done a straw poll with their friends parents/year group when they've been begging for something, and realised we weren't actually much stricter than most.

My near 12 year old has similar. You are perfectly generous. I would say 9.30pm is a bit late as she should be going to sleep about then and needs an hour screen free time before bed. My eldest did lots of lying about who is allowed what. I've recently messaged all the mums to ask and it turns out, I'm one of the most lenient and I it was all lies. Ask the other mums I would recommend and tell your daughter if she doesn't stop asking you'll delete netflix or replace her phone with a brick.

Why does a 12yo need to communicate with her friends before school, over a phone?

A 12yo with phone restrictions isn’t being controlled. She’s being given limits and boundaries for her own good (nobody but she will benefit, and no harm will come from less phone usage than more).

We tell our DC that some of the brightest people in the world are paid millions to invent these addictive gadgets and apps. They’re stronger than some adults’ brains can cope with, adults whose brains developed in the pre-internet age. What hope does an undeveloped 12yo brain have against these people? It’s like tobacco usage in the 50s. In the US, there used to be vending machines in middle and high schools. Catch ‘em young, you’ve got a consumer for life. This is the same (but worse, because we know definitively).

Parents seem afraid to parent, to say no to their children. I can’t fathom thinking that limiting a young child’s phone usage might be “controlling”.

Do you have any idea what or who he is being exposed to?

i have no restrictions on my 13 year old phone use. He always forgets to turn it on which drives me mad when I want to call him. He talks to his friends through his computers, he also is on discords and talks about music and anime with people. Like it or not this is how teenagers communicate and build their communities. Do you lead by example? How is your screen use?

@FuzzyYellowChicken 2.5 hours is a lot when kids shouldn't have any more than 2 hours a day on a screen.

My DS (14) gets 1 hour. It unlocks 7.30am (catching bus time) and the 1 hour covers his travel time.

We use family app so he has unlimited access to sensible apps e.g. homework app, duolingo, calculator, chess etc...

At the weekend he can have screen or phone time if all homework is done and he needs to have done like for like minutes doing other stuff (sport, music practice etc...).

I think it’s reasonable. My step son is 12 and he’s trying to be a lot older than he actually is and a lot of these kids are.

We take away his phone on school nights and give it in the morning. That thing is going off all hours. We wonder what those kids parents are thinking, but in actual fact some people just don’t parent.

On the weekends were more lenient.

It sounds lenient to me, but not ridiculously so.

My 12 year old has a non-smart/brick phone only. He uses it to text to say he's arrived at school safely or if he's waiting to be collected and we're late.

He does have a lot of screen time at home (watches YouTube (with restricted mode but tbh he knows better than I do how to turn that off if he wants) and Nintendo games, but no social media.

His 11 year old best friend (our neighbour) also has a brick phone and no tv or computer at home, reads and paints a lot, sees friends in person instead.

My children would say the same. I do not care. I'm happy to be the 'bad guy'. Sometimes that is parenting.

We have downtime at 8pm so there is a screen free hour before bed.

I use Parent Shield, Apple and Google to set all the 'limits'.

No social media is a hard line.

Word of warning, that doesn't work at all well. I tried it, it still let them use the app past the time restriction and they don't know the passcode nor can they change the time settings either.

School bus ticket.
School homework /time table app plus all the other websites/apps for homework and research.
A couple of games. She's raising about 15 pets atm with her friends.

Calling with her friends and they game/play together.

Life 360 (for going out /school)

Pay for stuff (shopping, tube etc)

On iPhone you can add limits by app so you could set limits for ones you are concerned about and allow unlimited access to others e.g. music apps or Books.

No, not at all, sounds like very sensible restrictions.

I dont think you're too strict.

My DS is only 11 (Y7) but has 45 mins a day, access to specific internet webites only, texts and Whatsapp and it locks from 8.30pm-8.30am.

I check his phone regularly and he doesn't have it in his room overnight.

No social media, no YouTube and the only game he can play is a music one. He would be on it all day if he could but he doesn't protest at the restrictions too much tbh.

My dd 14 gets 4 hours of screen time on her phone used to be 6 hours but currently on punishment so it got reduced. Phone unlocks at half 8 so she'll be on her way to school by then and lock's at 8.30pm. If she's behaved she can earn extra time. We don't allow Snapchat and restricted apps to her age limit. We did this because of her behaviour around the phone. She's very easily led. We had police at the door for her sending threats through Snapchat. She was using character ai so Web access has been limited. She thinks I'm far too strict but it's because she can't behave with it.

@Thirstysue mine uses his for photos, texting, using maps and weather to plan scout jaunts, the school homework app, the calculator, google translate for revision, and FaceTiming friends. Nothing inherently wrong with smartphones for secondary age children if you restrict them appropriately.

I think that sounds very reasonable and sadly you are probablya t the stricter end of the spectrrum

as someone said above - kids are staring at TOTAL SHIT on their phones for HOURS each day. Clearly many kids have no limits - or know how to get round them - I am in a perpetual dance with my son about his phone which he seems to find ways to wriggle with all the time.

I just hate seeing my son waste time on his phone - but - he also lives in a world with other kids and i have a lot of battles to fight so im not as strict as I'd like to be.

Why does a 12 yr old need a smartphone?