AIBU for not wanting to pay rent?

But a friend is using her room while she is gone you can't rent a room and not have access to the room that's not how it works

OP, to put is simply, your sister is a toxic person in your life. This doesn’t mean you can’t love her or have a relationship, but it does mean you have to put down boundaries from now on, and stick to them.

Step 1. get away from her flat and get your own rented flat asap
Step 2. think of how you want to interact with your sister and nephew and then stixk to that. Do you want to spend one day a month with him? Then that’s what you do and say no to any otber requests.

There will probably be some upset at the beginning, but soon everyone will get used to the new way and realize you’ve grown up and won’t let others use you as they want. Then your relationship will actually have a future. Good luck.

Pp have overestimated cost

5,200 not 52,000 a year at 100 a week surely

£150 a week is extortion from them. They essentially want you to cover all their bills.
Move out and get your independence- don’t be a free babysitter constantly either.

home costs don't vanish just because you are not there

In a normal private rented situation you pay regardless of your presence

No, a year would be £52.000 at £100 pw, and £78.000 at £150 pw, not exactly a bargain considering all the extras.

OP, I'd say pay what you have to for now to keep relations civil but look to move out asap before things deteriorate too far. Good luck!

Faceplant- sorry I missed that. Well that changes my entire viewpoint!

Don't pay and while you are out of the house look at your options rent somewhere else

She said a month not a week (she corrected in a later post).

She is most definitely paying a fraction of the market rate. Read her updates.
She is saving £200 to £400 per week at the £100 per week rate. The sister asking for £150 is asking for HALF the market rate for the same accommodation.

Her update said £500/week for a 1 bed or £300 for a bedroom…this is a weekly rate not monthly.

@LookItsMeAgain Great minds think alike - we were typing at the same time but I’m slow 😁.

The dog sitting isn’t an extra chore OP, it’s your escape route.

True, but she did say that market rate is
I can find a decent one bed nearby for £500 per week/or a bedroom for £300 both inc bills so moving out is the right choice.

So she is paying 20% of the market rate for a 1 bed flat or 33% of the market rate for a room as a lodger.

I'm not forgetting that, seeing as I literally pointed out that she's being manipulated.

She isn't paying less than the market rate. Her sister has upped it to £150 a week and the going rate for a room in a shared house where she is is £300-350 a month. So she's losing money by staying with her sister (hand over fist once the other stuff she's paying for is factored in).

The problem with this whole situation is that it's so informal.

People seem to think that financial arrangements with family can be less defined, less clear, less explicitly agreed than a business agreement because 'it's family'.

As this post shows, exactly the opposite is true. There's so much more going on than just a commercial arrangement that it's absolutely vital that everything's written down, agreed, strictly adhered to and made completely separate to anything else in your lives. Otherwise the money stuff gets mixed up with the sibling stuff and the domestic stuff and the personal stuff and next thing you know everyone's splattered with resentment and people start not showing up for Christmas.

Strongly agree.

Right, this is where you start putting your foot down, absolutely do not do this. You tell them they need to pay upfront of the dog won't be going, you don't need the hassle of trying to get the money back from these cheeky sods on their return.

I think you need to snap up one of these places to rent ASAP too, your sister is helping herself more than helping you.

She's not where you are though!

She needs to put herself first.

I think you are forgetting that OP isn’t a random lodger off the street, family makes it more complicated and for here she is paying half the market rate for the cheapest room (where you have no en-suite, but share a bathroom)

It's £150 a week (according to what SIL now wants her to pay). That's £7,800 a year - probably twice that given she's also a free babysitter and paying for their ubers, takeaways and date night.

The going rate here for that is £300-£350 a month, and that includes utility bills.

The going rate here is £800/mo with a shared bathroom.

Actually the dog/house sitting gives you the perfect way to ease out of your sister’s house. Stay there, sleep overnights, take everything you need (monitors, clothes etc) there so that you are set up properly to work. Reduce the times you go back to sister’s to babysit.

Re BIL’s parents, just matter of factly tell them that the vet wants £x for the next injection so they’ll need to pay over the phone/online with their credit card.

No paying for takeaways apart from the ones you’re eating, or Ubers you aren’t a passenger in. I’d recommend not answering your phone every time - “I must have been out walking the dogs” is a great excuse for that, see also “taken on some extra work in the evenings”.

Get a room in a shared house, don’t return to live with your sister.

Families can be highly manipulative - she's emigrated to whereever her sister lives, and is on her own and being pressurised by sister and BIL and his entire family.

No other lodger would pay £150 a week and also do babysitting and pay for ubers and takeaways for the entire family and also vet's bills for a dog that isn't hers. Even paying London rates, that would be OTT! She's paying waaaaay over the market rate, and they are taking the absolute piss. It's tantamount to bullying tbh.

A whole year accommodation for £1,200 plus a few sundries, I’d just pay up.

This is too bad OP and shows how jealousy can create resentment.

Yes, YABU to not pay the £100 weekly rent you agreed on with your sister.

However, you are all in a tough situation. There is good and had here

• sister is charging you VERY cheap rent so that you can save which is a huge help to you from relatives who earn less than you and have much higher living costs
• you are pitching in and helping with child care and so on, which is also good of you

• your sister seems to have become dependent on the extra £400/mo and so doesn’t want you to leave early and is outraged you’d skip any payments due to housesitting as there has been no chance for her to rework her budget to prepare for the drop in income
• you do seem a bit unsympathetic in terms of your sisters struggles, she is helping you save, but it seems no one is helping her save? Your sister seems to be taking responsibility for helping you get back on your feet…this is something a parent might do and most adults are not given this opportunity.

Moving forward, I think you need to stick to the agreed £100/weekly rent until you move out and make sure you give plenty of advance warning, I would not include sister in decision of a place to rent/buy. I would also be willing to help sister in future if she needs assistance in future.