AIBU for not wanting to pay rent?

Glad to meet a fan. No recollection of seeing your posts before.

Is that sneery enough for you?

😂😂😂

There's no way she should be paying the BIL rent while she's not living there BECAUSE SHE'S DOGSITTING HIS FAMILY DOG FOR FREE.

They are total CFs even suggesting it.

It's not a massively discounted rate, or even discounted, she could find a cheaper alternative without all the strings attached.

You should pay your sister the £100 a week. But DO NOT go back and forth babysitting and dog walking for them while you are house sitting.
You shouldn’t be losing money while doing other people favours.
They are being ridiculous and everyone commenting you should be paying more has obviously not read your posts and updates. You are paying enough because you are giving them free babysitting and dog walking.

You definitely need to move out. It’s not your problem that at their age they don’t have their shit together and earn a liveable wage.

I'm a bit confused, why would you be paying two rents if you move out? Are they expecting you to pay for the privilege of housesitting and dogsitting for them? They should be paying YOU for that!

The OP has been going to move out on a couple of occasions but has been persuaded not to by the sister. Can't think why

The sister is massively taking the piss. OP has made it clear she is paying market rate on the room so her sister is not doing her a favour (a lot of people have misread the post).
A live in nanny where I live is minimum £15 an hour for starters so the babysitting alone is way too much to ask. She is taking advantage of the fact you love your nieces and nephews and there’s a blurred boundary there.
I also think it’s really unpleasant that she is trying to up it to £150 after finding out your salary OP.
I wouldn’t have a big row with her over it, but I wouldn’t definitely, definitely move out !

How interesting that you expect support only in one direction.

@GivingitToGod "Perhaps OP should move out then!"
I think we're all agreed on that one !

Perhaps OP should move out then!

'OP has been offered an opportunity to save for her own property by staying at her sister's at a MASSIVELY discounted rate'

No, the OP is paying more for the room in her sister's place than she would be in a shared house, and about the same as she would be in her own flat. On top of which she's dog walking, baby sitting, paying for taxis and date nights and being used as a house sitting service.

She is being royally taken advantage of and it sounds as if it's been going on for years.

Time to move out and free yourself, OP, and promise yourself you won't be manipulated in the future.

@GivingitToGod but it's not discounted is it ?
OP would pay £300 per month in a shared flat, leaving her 200 per month ( plus whatever she currently spends on takeaways and Ubers for everyone) on groceries.

The rate isn't discounted. £100pw + takeaways + Ubers + rearranging work to accommodate childcare + free babysitting + petrol costs + pet expenses adds up to a lot more than the £500/£300pcm including bills that the OP has indicated she would have to pay for a one-bed or house share. She is being taken for a ride.

Disagree,OP is working so even though she is looking after kids at times, that is part of being a family IMO
Ubers and take aways are all part of supporting family life too
The dog sitting is a separate issue.
Referring to OP not being responsible for sister's life choices is inappropriate.
OP has been offered an opportunity to save for her own property by staying at her sister's at a MASSIVELY discounted rate √

In your 20s, your spare money and time should be for you. You shouldn't be bankrolling and at the beck and call of family too.

If you decide to have children in a few years, they will take all your time and money 😂. Don't waste this precious time you can have for you by being a people pleaser.

I live too far from my siblings for them to babysit regularly and they have their own families/responsibilities, but I certainly would never have expected them to pay over the odds to stay in my spare room as a paying nanny and rearrange their work commitments around my children. Maybe once a fortnight for a few hours if they'd been happy to help?

Hello OPs sister ?

What about OPs free childcare, pet sitting, Ubers and takeaways- or do they not get factored in ? I agree £100 per week isn't bad for catered lodging but all of the above easily add up to another £100 per week.

It's not OPs job to subsidise her Dsis for the life choices she made. It's definitely not her job to provide free dog sitting to her Dsis in laws.

Wow, they're all taking huge advantage of you. Back right off from them all.

OP, I may have misunderstood but do you mean that your sister tried to commit suicide when you were only a child, and you found her like that? Have you had any therapy to process that? That must have been awful to witness and very traumatic for you. I can understand why that could make you feel (unduly) responsible for your sister. I think you need some professional help to deal with the emotions surrounding that, as you were so very young, and it appears to be making it very hard for you to stand up for yourself and not be used by your sister and her partner. Logically, you would be financially better off moving out but I can see why it has been so difficult to say no to her and to put yourself first. I'm sorry for all that you have been through but you are not wholly responsible for your sister's welfare. As I've heard said on MN before, you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm! Apologies if I have misunderstood what you described in your post. I hope you find the strength and peace to do what is best for yourself for once 💐

In a normal private rented situation you don't normally provide your landlord with free babysitting and dogsitting services, pay for your landlords date nights and taxis (because they don't have Uber) or provide free housesitting and dogsitting services for one of your landlords parents, whilst covering your landlords parents vets bills and continuing to pay rent on your landlords property when you aren't living in it.

Okay, I’ve now seen the update where the OP confirms she got the original figures for private accommodation wrong. If she can get a one-bed to herself for only a little more than she’s paying now, it would make sense to go for that. There would also be no justification for the sister putting the rent up.

My point about boundaries being blurred by the family connection still stands - although now from a different standpoint! The OP would be wise to move out and switch to a purely landlord and tenant arrangement, with no potential guilt trips over babysitting and so on.

👏🏿 yes, my response was skewed by that. This is what I should have written.

Yeah an extra zero typo was posted. It looks like I’m not the only one off to a slow start this morning!

YABVU. £100 PW for board and lodgings, that is a pittance compared to what u would pay on open market. Your sister has young children and all the associated costs. You are begrudging giving then £ 50 whilst u are dogsitting elsewhere (that u r not paying to live there)?????? Come on, u r coming across as extremely mean and penny pinching. So what if u look after your nephews, they are your family. Sounds like your sister and family have no spare cash.

Off and on, the OP said. That isn’t the same as a sub-let.

However, that doesn’t mean I think it’s right. If the OP is paying a retainer, she should be able to use the room if she wants to during that period - not just when the friend isn’t staying. Either that or the OP does what she originally suggested and pay a lower amount (rather than not paying anything as she’s now saying she feels is appropriate) to ensure her sister and BIL keep the room available for her return, continue to store her property and allow her to continue using their house as a permanent address. This is what OP needs to negotiate.

This is why I have said, and will say again, that there is too much vagueness around whether this is a proper agreement to rent a room, or a favour to a family member in return for a bit of “keep”. Is some occasional babysitting the OP doing something nice for her sister, or is it part of an agreement that sees her pay a third of the going rate in the area to rent a room? Is OP buying the odd takeaway as a lovely family treat, or acknowledging that most of the time she eats for free on top of getting cheap rent?

There's fault on both sides in this aspect. If OP plans to go ahead with the dog sitting arrangement and then return to her sister’s house afterwards, it’s a good opportunity to set some clearer boundaries.

You need to start looking at what the benefit is to you of any of these arrangements. The responses are skewed by what people think is the market rate for renting. I live in an area where housing is expensive so £100/wk with some favours thrown in sounds ok but it’s over the market rate for your area, well over if it’s increased to £150/wk. So this arrangement no longer benefits you. I also agree with the boiling frog point, that the favours seem to be increasing, maybe fuelled by the perception you are better off - but that isn’t your issue.
The dog sitting would only be a benefit to you if you were living totally rent free for a couple of months in return for looking after the dog - if you still have to pay rent to your sister there is no benefit whatsoever. It’s really relevant that BIL arranged it.
Just extricate yourself ASAP - the CF sister can get a lodger paying £300 with no favours, the CF parents can pay thousands for a dog sitter for a couple of months and you can enjoy your own flat, live in peace and still have roughly the same amount of money in your pocket. Renegotiate the relationship with your sister on a more equal footing - if you want to offer babysitting once a month in exchange for a meal then do, but you are not there to facilitate their life.