AIBU for not wanting to pay rent?

You can’t afford £500 per week rent on a £35k per year salary 😆 I’m on £44k PA and my net monthly salary is is only £2700 so I wouldn’t be able to afford that! I thought you were going to say you were on a 6 figure salary or something. You can move out but you need to rethink where and how much you’ve got to spend.

I think your decision to move out as soon as possible is the right one. It's getting too messy. Of course you should pay something whilst living there, a contribution to the bills, a bit of baby sitting and dog walking would have been more than enough for some people.

I am another one who thinks they are over relying on your money. And this will go on and on. As they feel entitled to it.

The first thing you need to do is keep your own council. Stop telling her things. You must regret telling her your income. Do not tell them if you are viewing places to rent/live so they can talk you out of it.

The second thing you can do is learn to say 'No'. What a cheek them volunteering you to house/dog for 2 months whilst charging you rent on the room. 'NO that doesn't work for me'. And for selling you a dodgy car. 'NO, it's not what I am looking for'.

If you have to move back - you need to scale back the other expenses. No takeaways - No I am saving. No ordering Ubers, come on they can negotiate a mortgage but not order an Uber via an app. No more contribution to their date nights. Their date, their expense. Trips out for the nephews/nieces - walk in the park, take your own snacks. You can offer to babysit but not every day and walk the dog as a way of helping out. But seriously - you need to leave if you want to salvage a relationship with your sister.

Keeping your business to yourself and saying 'No' when its unreasonable may stop them viewing you as a cash point.

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You’re doing everyone a favour to be honest. They don’t want you to move out because from the sounds of it you’re an easy guest and provide free childcare. Even au pairs get paid an allowance to available in the afternoon after school for children, despite having free board.

I’ve had a sibling stay for 2 years for completely free - initially it was meant to be short term hence not charging but the living situation worked for all of us, so they stayed longer. We never charged even during the expensive winter months because the cost and pressure my sibling eased from the help with childcare alone was immeasurable in financial terms. It wasn’t regular childcare but once or twice a week after school, some evenings and occasionally a whole weekends so me and my husband could travel for work.

Personally, I wouldn’t pay bills to house sit- since your brother in law recommended you for the dog/ house sitting I’d ask him to sort it out the finances with his family. Tell your BIL that you’re happy to continue paying them the £100 but you can’t pay that as well as bills for house sitting you’re doing as a favour to his family because he asked you and you wanted to be helpful.

If you add up all the costs of the extras....free babysitting, takeaways, dog walking....they are getting a lot more than £100 per week. Add in the fact that they offered you for free house and pet sitting, I certainly feel that they are using you. You also say you are house and pet sitting for them after Christmas.

I think they are now used to the extra help and money and are being greedy. Move out ASAP and then be unavailable for dog walking and babysitting. Family should help each other, not take advantage .

We don't know unless OK shares how much she is paying for her sister and BIL's Ubers, takeaways, date night contributions etc. Sis is demanding £600 from Jan. And even one or two takeaways and Ubers a week can add up to hundreds a month.

And OP will be independent in her own place and not have to live with people who use her like a service and offer her up for free dog sitting for 2 months whilst still expecting rent and sell her a dud car.

I think once you've done the dog sitting, move to your own place. Start looking now. They are all taking advantage of you and taking the piss.

£500 a week plus all the bills. Or living in a stranger's house/HMO for £300 a week, who she will still have to pay if she housesits or goes away for weeks, plus buy all her own food. Moving out is not the cheaper option.

You have to make your own choice here. I don't think either side is unfair. Before this latest dog walking was expected. But it's cheeky treating you as general dogsbody for all the family. But your expenses are heavily subsidised. Rent, utilities food council tax. So weigh up the pros and cons. Are you saving money. Household bills need to be paid whether you are there or not.

I'd tell his in-laws you can no longer do Jan, and move asap.

Asking you what you earn set the wheels in motion for their epic piss take.

It really does not sound like a much older sister and her dh are helping out a younger sibling at all. This is a bit of a grift for them - even down to offering you up for some free dog/house sitting and selling you a dodgy car.

OP, in order to salvage a future relationship with your CF sister, I would find a place asap.

Fact they have now raised the 'rent' on you, tells you of their intentions, which wasn't to give you the chance to significantly save for a year, while settling in a new country.

Oh and the fact you earn more than them combined is their problem. Don't let them use you another day longer.

The OP says £300 pw not pm but that doesn't align with my question that they live somewhere with a lower cost of living illustrated by them seeing her £35k salary is viewed as a lot, when in reality is a fairly normal graduate salary that MN would see as a pittance and with student loan repayments and high pension contributions she won't take home that much more than if she was on NMW.

But I now see that the sister works PT and the BIL is an apprentice, which could obviously be an investment in his career but it's a decision you'd question whether it was sensible/affordable at their stage of life.

This sums it up exactly.

How can you babysit when you are a FY1 dr?

Move out OP they are taking the piss.

But why do.you keep using sneery terms like 'famleeeeeeeee' and 'sisterrrrrrrrr'?

OP is in a situation where she pays £400pm (soon rising to £600pm), pays for their Ubers and takeaways, has been sold a dodgy car, gives free babysitting and has now been offered up as a free housesitter without being asked. When she can rent a private room for £300pm.

She has repeatedly said she has been put in awkward situations. She's a 24yo living with her much older sister and BIL, it's not easy to say no in that situation.

Trying to simplify this..

They benefit by:

£400 per month cash
Dog walking
Child care
Contributing to Ubers
Contributing to date night
Buy takeaways.

(i get the ubers, I assume you book as they pretend they can't do it and thus its your account so you end up paying and they don't repay. Not sure I understand the date night thing. Are you handing them cash to go out, or is this just extra baby sitting?)

You benefit:

Cheaper place to live
Haven't had to sort out deposits/rent up front
Some meals provided

But whilst you're dog sitting, which you were volunteered for rather than asked, and is not a paid position, you will have to pay for:

Food
Travel costs back to Sisters to babysit daily?
Dog costs to be reimbursed, hopefully?

And whilst you're away they intend on using 'your' room to host a guest on and off?

And they want you to keep paying even though the costs to them have dropped, and the costs to you have risen, whilst you do her husbands family a favour?

Fuck that shit.

Spend the dog sitting time finding somewhere else to live. Fuck off, and the cheeky fuckers can fix their own dog sitter in january too.

In home dog sitter for a couple of months would be a paid position, earning you around £300 a week, possibly more.

Dog walking is around £12 an hour.
Baby sitting is probably similar.

Plus you're paying for Ubers and takeaways.

They are having a fucking laugh.

FY1 medical dr?

Your base is 35k and you get paid extra?

I would move out asap and not pay anything while you are house sitting.

Do you have to go back to their house while you are house sitting?

OK says she can find a decent one bed nearby for £500 per week/or a bedroom for £300 both inc bills so moving out is the right choice.

Does this mean you won't have to pay them the rent whilst you're housesitting for BIL?

Why does she want to go contribute to bills when you won't be there? If they want rent tell them you won't house sit for BIL.

The whole situation has got messy. They should get a lodger that they don't take advantage of by making them pay rent and do babysitting, pay for their Ubers and takeaway.

At 34, they know how to use the Uber app, they're taking the piss. And they probably sold you the car knowing it was crap.

Don't rush out to rent if it means you will no longer be able to save for a deposit. Even paying your sister £150 a week will be a hell of a lot cheaper than renting privately. Stick it out for the year and save as much as you can. Everyone stuck in private renting will tell you how hard it is to get on the property ladder from there.

You do pay a competitive rent which it does seem as though they have one to rely on BUT your sister and BIL are also getting a lot of perks thrown in. Just with dog walking and looking after your nephews - you probably save them more in child care and dog walking services than you pay in rent. They can’t compare you to a lodger as they would not be doing those things and if they did they would be paid or live rent free. This is why she / they are encouraging you to stay as it benefits them. If you stay at your sister’s long term it will lead to resentment on both sides! And actually she already sounds bitter about your pay. Focus on moving out - but in the meanwhile pay the increase, babysit when you can as they are your nephews but stop paying for the extras - Uber, date nights etc.

Paying rent while you're away is a tricky one - on one hand you have a standing arrangement and it sounds as though they rely on the extra cash but from what you’ve said you will be back and forth helping with your nephews which again is saving them money. Again if you were a standard lodger you wouldn’t be expected to do all those things if you weren’t there and definitely not have a person stay in your room.

And as for their in laws they are getting a great deal! They have probably sold it as you get to stay on your own but they are getting great deal - a dog sitter PLUS a house sitter thrown in. I can’t believe that they want you to take the dogs to the vet and be out of pocket until they return and decide to pay you??? They should have pre paid if they are routine appointments, but if that isn’t an option transfer the vet fees to you and then for any additional costs reimburse you later. Failing those options they can leave an envelope of cash for expenses.

Yes, me too. It is right that you do that. I'm sure you'll manage somehow. Good luck.

I pay for takeaways, contribute toward their date nights, and ubers (apparently they can’t work the app). I relocated and she offered me her spare bedroom for a year so I can save and have more money to put towards a nice one bedroom apartment. On top of that, I also take care of my nephews and walk the dogs daily

How the fuck have they got you doing all this and what did they do before you moved in? How do they expect to cope when you move out and stop propping up their lifestyle?

£35k is hardly a fortune and if it's more than they earn put together they're both obviously working part time so have time to walk their own dogs.

Or do you live somewhere where the cost of living is much lower? If that's the case then £100 pw is too much especially with all the other things you're paying for and help you're giving them.

Dog sitting for BILs parents could work out for you if you wanted to be responsible for dogs, had time to walk them and work at the same time, were able to set your desk up properly, the ILs made arrangements to pay their own fucking vet bills while they were off travelling and you stopped paying for your room, all the extra stuff and the baby sitting too. Otherwise the whole lot of them are massive CFs who are taking advantage of you big time.

Why did the PILs arrange to go travelling without arranging proper care for their dogs?

Dogs aren't like cats. They can't be left more than half a day maximum without proper company, attention, walks etc. They need someone around most of the time or they need to go to kennels or home boarding which is obviously ££££s that they're trying to avoid paying. Or they need to find a paid sitter or volunteer from sonewhere like Trusted Housesitters on Facebook.

I would also start charging them (so knocking off your rent) for babysitting and Uber’s.

I wonder where BIL got his CF tendencies from? You are paying the agreed rent, for their date nights, ubers AND child care? No wonder they don’t want you to move. Tell me his dp left you a full fridge and freezer at least?
Sweetie, find your own place soon, fuck his dp expecting housesitting in Jan, and salvage any relationship with dsis, because if it were me, being treated like Cinderella would leave a bad taste in my mouth.