AIBU to think it’s too soon to for the school to be diagnosis autism

Well, I would seriously encourage your friend to try a different school.

”not where he needs to be” raises serious red flags for me.
Why does he “need” to be anywhere? Good teachers should meet the children where they are at, and go at the child's pace. Not expect the children to be keeping pace with the teacher and excluding the ones who can’t!
Seriously, I work in education and it sounds like the ethos in this school is more about what makes the teachers’ lives easier than what is in the best interests of the individual child. I would jump ship right away and not look back.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/summer-born-children-school-admission/summer-born-children-starting-school-advice-for-parents

And there is still time in this application cycle to withdraw and apply for a deferred entry.

Withdraw him from school and put him back into nursery. There is still time to find a new setting and apply for reception for next September. He may well be an entirely different child in a few months time with age on his side.

No she cant
he has already started
a deferral is a formal process and it not automatic

if he is withdrawn now then he would risk needing to find a new school and risk having to go straight into year -

i can imagine how confused she must be. From what you’ve said they sound like they’re not communicating well at all. However I do think there must be more to it than she is understanding. Having worked in schools for a long time, what you have described is not unusual (the behaviour from the child I mean) and not just for new starters. It really does take a lot before a reduced timetable and mention of SEN registers.

In regard to exclusion there's no legal requirement for children to be in school until the term after their fifth birthday so it's a tricky one, he doesn't have a legal entitlement to ft. Lots and lots of parents defer summer born children so they start reception the year after. It's a very good idea. Four is very young for the requirements of school. ASD can't be diagnosed by school only by an educational psychologist. Not sitting on the carpet, well that depends how long he's been asked to sit for, one minute per year is a good rule of thumb. He could have ASD but he could just be little, all the things you describe are perfectly ok if you are four. I think your friend needs to go in and see the teacher.

Are they trying to get her to defer him because he's summer born and maybe still acts very young compared to the rest of the class?

I would seriously be looking at moving school. This sounds appalling!

Yes she can. The child doesn't need to be in education until the age of 5 and is legally entitled to start in reception.

My child struggled to sit still for long periods of time and the school implemented things like a wobble cushion and fidget toys, movement breaks etc...
They need to meet his needs and it sounds like they haven't tried and gone straight to a limited timetable which is usually a last resort.

He sounds like he could have benefited from being deferred to be honest. I’m in Scotland where deferrals are common place particularly for littles ones whose birthdays are near the cut off. Would it be possible to remove him from school and have him return to nursery and try again next year?
The flexible school admissions for summer borns Facebook page might be useful.

And yes...not enough evidence for an EHCP and yet they are excluding him... fuck that. She can and should insist on him being in full time... if they can't cope, either they are shit or he definitely has enough evidence!!!

Apart from the fact a school can't diagnose autism... They can only suggest there's an issue (which there clearly is) and that autism is a possibility.

They then will assume autism whilst an assessment is in progress. Otherwise kids are left in limbo for years having a massive impact on the rest of the class.

The formal assessment may find nothing. In the meantime two years has passed and things have improved.

Or the formal assessment may say yes and then it will all be formalised. But there has still been early intervention which will help the situation getting worse in the meantime.

So if the school is saying there's a problem. There's a problem.

Going into denial about this is only going to cause problems - regardless of the actual outcome of the formal assessment. And you've lost years whilst in denial.

Reasonably it's probably going to be the best part of 18 months to two years before you get to the diagnosis stage. Take this as a gift and work with it as they will give him more support now. (Which if it isn't autism isn't going to harm anyway - cos there's clearly SOMETHING going on).

No she cant
that is really poor advice

That sounds quite extreme tbh.
I work in special ed, and while children can be flagged up as having potential SEN fairly quickly it sounds like they are really concerned to be cutting his days in half. Presumably as he is only just four he doesn't have to be in full tine education until the term of his 5th birthday but to telling her they won't have him in would make me wonder if they are oversubscribed/understaffed and he is needing 1:1 support at all times.
What ARE the issues? That he 'isn't conforming'? What does that mean...that he can't sit still at carpet time, or that he is running around the class screaming and attacking children?
Where in the curriculum does he 'need to be'? Early years should be more play based learning with some phonics and maths thrown in! Does he have communication problems, behaviour issues, what?!
If she doesn't, your friend needs very specific clarity on what exactly the issues are , and how exactly they intend to address them, and whether he needs to have an Ed Psych in and EHCP applied for... if they are being overdramatic it will soon be apparent.
He's JUST 4...barely more than a toddler, of course he is likely to be less developed across all areas than kids who are already 5!

If he's late August can she withdraw him and put him in for reception next year? It sounds like it's a maturity issue, once that has been explored then she may need to accept additional help is required to support him.

Blimey, "even" SEN kids are entitled to an education. 😖

Sounds like a terrible school tbh, I would seriously consider sending him somewhere more inclusive and with a healthier attitude towards child development . Is it private / are they used to hot-housed children?
It doesn’t sound like somewhere I would want to send my child.

Its an illegal exclusion
both the part days and the 2 days off
ask to speak to the head
state that he will be attending full time and on those days
ask what sen specialists have been consulted from the la and why parent was not included in any meeting with them that decided a part time timetable ( probably hasnt been one but a school should only implement on specialist advice and in agreement of parents)