For wanting to hang out with my good friend without her baby all the time?

You don’t seem to care about your friend as a person, just what attention you can get from her. Your friend is a mother now, that’s fucking huge for her.

A “friend” that referred to my child as a “mini me” would be blocked instantly. It’s a nasty thing to say and just shows a huge lack of understanding and maturity.

I was perfectly capable of doing things without my baby same with my husband we did not to be glued to them all the time

And no I don't get the jealous thing having a baby does not make someone incapable of being their own person

I totally understand and don’t agree you need to tell her explicitly not to bring the baby.

I think it’s fairly clear if you invite someone to an adults only event you are not expecting them to bring the baby. You don’t need to spell it out to them, as that may come across as rude or hurtful depending on how sensitive the mother is.

I’ve invited friends with kids to adult only events and it wasn’t even done deliberately to exclude their kids, it was just because I wanted to go a bar/spa etc. there was never any need for me to add on “ don’t bring the baby I want adult time”

She doesn’t treat everyone like this, so it says something about how she sees you.

Good point @Naunet it’s absolutely ridiculous what women are often expected to put up with be it child free women or parents by fellow women as well as men.

Ugh, it's such selfish, sexist behaviour, you're expected to be delighted by the baby being there because you're female, no one would expect it if it was a man bringing his baby down the pub every time he met with friends. No man would be called selfish or needy or jealous for not wanting a baby there every single time.

I get it. I'm not very into babies - although I like children - and I'd be quite fed up in your position. Especially if she has a capable husband at home. I don't understand how or why some people get so mawkish over any random baby they see; I'm just not someone who pouts that they didn't get a hold or gets so excited to be in their usually very dull presence.

I also think people who have childcare eg able partner and still bring their kid along when they know they're meeting up with you when you've had bad news or need support or similar are actually thoughtless and self centred. Exceptions being newborns and childcare falling through.

If she's a true baby bore, the baby will still be the star turn even without being present though. A friend of mine has had to back away from a pair of her friends as she's the only one in the trio without babies. Even if they go out without the kids it's wall to wall baby talk. Their 3 way group chat is the same. Anything she says is ignored/ token responsed and it's back to babies. These two can and do talk to each other separately and also know my friend worries she won't be a mum. So I do find them unforgivably cruel and rude. They don't even try.

I think you may need to ask directly OP - ask if partner is ok with the baby or see how she responds with obviously non child friendly invites. Unfortunately because you've not said or done anything before she may have marked you as "baby tolerant" and be unwilling to change this as it suits her. I also understand this type of mentality as I have a friend who has become extremely insular and now only ever wants to meet me at her home. It's very wearing and stunting even if you try to see it their way. There is always a reason- some valid, some seemingly clutching at straws, yet I also know from things she lets slip that she does venture out to see others and she does have days out sometimes. Yet even a trip to her local cafe with me got a no. Seeing her is ground hog day for me now. Still talk to her lots - she often initiates- and she is always keen to meet but only ever for lunch at hers (and it's always the same mea!). I have no idea what I've done that she won't be seen out with me, basically, and wonder if it's that or if I was initially so accommodating when she started cloistering herself that I've snookered myself with her.

@Railous So just TELL HER for goodness sake. It's ridiculous to talk about inviting her for cocktails or to the cinema trying to manipulate a situation where she won't bring the baby, when you could just be an adult about it and ask her for some time just the two of you.

Your partner needs bonding time with his daughter too. This dynamic isn’t healthy.

Not sure about jealous but you come across as quite needy OP. You want her undivided attention, but you want her to figure that out for herself instead of using words to express it like an adult? Instead of inviting her to random things that don't suit the baby just tell her that you'd like a proper catch up and can her partner have the baby for a couple of hours one day so you can meet without.

As a parent to a young baby who also prefers to have him with me the majority of the time I'd appreciate the honesty more than someone trying to slyly manipulate the situation (and you won't have her undivided attention to talk at the cinema either).

It's sad that a one year old who isn't bf has a dad sitting at home gaming rather than wanting to spend time with them while mum gets a bit of a break to catch up with a friend.

I get you OP, it's not the same when there's a kid that age there: they're crawling off/toddling/ wanting to be entertained - which is all quite natural, but irritating when you just want an adult social time.

Oh man this makes me sad. I'm your mum friend. I bring my kid with me when I go out with friends. I just get stressed when she isn't with me. Yes, dad could look after her but the times I don't bring her I just worry about her the whole time.

She will be just your friend again soon, once her quite young child doesn't need her quite so much. But for now, she's always mum. Just embrace it. Once the kid is a bit older she'll find sitting having lunch boring and she won't bring her.

I get it, I'm a mum myself and I wouldn't like this either.

I usually only bring my kids out if it's a day out with another parent and their kids.

It's not about being jealous of the baby, it's that babies can be annoying.

I don’t understand why your friends partner can’t look after his own child either every now and then
Have you suggested this OP

I have kids but when I go out with friends I don’t want to talk about my kids or hear about their kids the whole time. I am not just xxxxs mum I am also a separate human being so I would not enjoy time out if it was always kid focussed.
OP, why not suggest a spa treat or something adults only.

Invite your friend for a good adult day out, but also invite the little one out and have a day with them. Mums love friends who they can have their kids with and talk about, then they will go out without them. But you have to do both x

It's not jealousy! I have a friend like this too - in a group of 5 women who all have similar aged babies, she's the only one who can't leave her 18 month old with her DH for even a few hours. Worse she now won't go anywhere without her DH too! My other friends have a great system where they alternate time alone with friends with their partner, while baby stays at home with other parent. For my friend I think her DH is a bit useless with baby. Even when he was on pat leave for 6 months and my friend was at work full time, she had to do all the baths, and feeding and had a full time nanny to help - and he still complained how tired he was...Also I don't think she's comfortable being alone outside with baby either, so he comes along to everything and girl only events, she doesn't come at all.

Knowing this I don't expect alone time with her anymore. But she's still my friend and seeing her is better than not seeing her so I suck it up. The friendship has just changed and I don't see her as much but hoping when baby goes to school, my friend will be comfortable leaving her..Im the last friend in group to have a baby but am pregnant now. It will be a shock to her as I was the only one previously flexible enough to work around her schedule/DH . Obv that will change with my own baby so I do wonder if that will incentivise her to become less codependent with DH.

Hmmm this is pretty poor though. Why is her child free friend not sometimes worth her child free time? Why is her child free time so strictly rationed anyway? It sounds like her DH is a bit shit.

Once I wasn't regularly breastfeeding in the day I've happily left DC to hang out with my child free friends. Not every time as it's nice for them to know my child but at least every other time I see them. I value my friendships and my identity as an adult!

OP just invite her out to dinner or a spa or something.

Then do your friend a favour and find other friends.

Do your friend a favour OP and stop asking to meet up if you don't want her and her child there.

Just set her free.

I get that you might not find the baby fascinating. But are you proposing you pay for and facilitate childcare on her behalf so she can see you alone?
Otherwise I don't really know what you want her to do. It's her child. Her fella is clearly bone idle, and maybe you can have a view on that. Which again might not be helpful, despite how true it may seem to you.
She's got a kid. If you don't like it then stop hanging out with her. The child is her priority and rightly so.