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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For wanting to hang out with my good friend without her baby all the time?

219 replies

Railous · 25/11/2024 20:12

Don’t get me wrong her baby is very cute. I understand having to bring a newborn or a baby that is very small and still breastfeeding. But her baby is soon 1 year old and takes bottle. I understand she is very proud of her mini self and wants to show her off. But it also becomes distracting when we meet, baby is more awake and craves more attention, and conversations being interupted by a baby is not my cup of tea. Also not sitting in a restaurant having a baby that gets fussy and feel like i have to help out with baby, its like i become a co parent with her.

Not fun at all. Espacially since her partner is at home gaming or whatever while she brings baby. I understand that she can’t hang out as much as before and i understand that. But kinda sad when i see her off all sudden posting out with her partner and another couple and they at a restaurant without baby. I just miss my friend and our conversations. Also when baby is around it all becomes centred around looking and talking about baby. I don’t want to come out as rude i just wish one time to get some alone time with her like good old days.

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 27/11/2024 16:05

I've been friends with most of my friends for years and years, through ups and downs and all the joys and tragedies of life. If they couldn't deal with the fact that for now my baby is now the absolute centre of my life (and will be until he’s bigger and I don’t feel the need to be with him 90% of the time) then I'm not sure they were a friend worth having to begin with. I say that as someone who does leave my 6 month old with his Dad regularly to do things that I want to do, but none of those things are 'hanging out' with people who'd prefer to pretend he doesn't exist.

Also OP, the word you're looking for is 'fussy' not 'fuzzy'. Unless the baby in question is particularly hairy I suppose.

Nanny0gg · 27/11/2024 15:17

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/11/2024 13:58

This. Your friend has a baby now and it is the most important thing in the world to her. You will have to accept her life has changed.

What does the friend have to accept? Can she never be there for the OP ever?

Friendships are supposed to be two-way

Railous · 27/11/2024 14:48

@TheJones fr some people think that just because others want adult time, that you are a baby hater, not always true. I think most people hate parents who become so obsessed with their child and can’t do anything without them anymore. And then the parent ask why they lost friends. Its super tiring to hang out with someone who brings a baby everytime that needs constant attention and becomes fuzzy. And you can’t enjoy food at a restaurant because friend needs help with baby that can’t stop whining or cryin. So i have declined when she ask for a trip to a restaurant. No thanks! Don’t want to pay lot of money to deal with someone elses baby.

OP posts:
TheJones · 27/11/2024 14:06

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/11/2024 13:59

You sound very unpleasant.

But why?! She’s not said she hates her baby- she’s said that they go out, her friend is distracted the whole time and talks non stop baby and there’s no need when her husband is at home. I have kids myself and hate it when people do this! There’s so much adult stuff to chat about. To the mum the baby is so interesting but to others they really aren’t. I’ve never put my kids on other people!

Railous · 27/11/2024 14:03

@CaptainMyCaptain also not very pleasant to hear someone babling about their kid the whole hang out , diapers, night routines, hard life ect, or hang out being about entertaining a kid

OP posts:
Railous · 27/11/2024 14:00

@CaptainMyCaptain no shi, and i think most people are aware of that🤣.
But you also have parents who make an effort to meet their friends without kids/baby on tow. Some parents mostly take and never give

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 27/11/2024 13:59

Railous · 27/11/2024 13:52

@FruitFlyPie
like i don’t want to talk or hear about the baby the whole hang out
No ones baby or kid is that interesting that i want to hear everything about them and their life

Edited

You sound very unpleasant.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/11/2024 13:58

ohyesido · 25/11/2024 20:19

Imagine being jealous of a baby. Her life has changed beyond recognition and it may be you need to adapt a little. And co parenting? That's a bit of a stretch, holding the baby while she nips to the loo or eats a sandwich is not the same thing

This. Your friend has a baby now and it is the most important thing in the world to her. You will have to accept her life has changed.

Railous · 27/11/2024 13:52

@FruitFlyPie
like i don’t want to talk or hear about the baby the whole hang out
No ones baby or kid is that interesting that i want to hear everything about them and their life

OP posts:
Railous · 27/11/2024 13:49

@motherofbabydragon well thats boring

OP posts:
Railous · 27/11/2024 13:48

@TwentyBillion can’t really blame their friends. Especially when the parent friend makes their child or baby their whole personality. And nothing else than baby talk comes out from their mouth, its exhausting!

OP posts:
Railous · 27/11/2024 13:45

@Nanny0gg and this reason i want adult time since a baby don’t understand and can’t wait for its turn. So mom is 99% entertaining baby or having a hard time listening to what i have to say. Simply becomes a waste of time when every meet up is baby included.

OP posts:
TwentyBillion · 27/11/2024 09:30

Railous · 27/11/2024 08:59

@BlaBlaBla87436780087
i think people who say this are people who can’t leave the baby with their partner and brings it everywhere, and only talk, focus about the baby, and then later wonder why they lost a friend

Or post on here (when their kids are older) to ask why they don't have any friends!!

motherofbabydragon · 27/11/2024 09:09

@Railous i think at the end of the it depends on how good of a friend i see the other person as. i have maybe 3 very close friends who have been with me through thick and thin. anyone else it’s going to be a coffee catch up with the baby

Railous · 27/11/2024 08:59

@BlaBlaBla87436780087
i think people who say this are people who can’t leave the baby with their partner and brings it everywhere, and only talk, focus about the baby, and then later wonder why they lost a friend

OP posts:
BlaBlaBla87436780087 · 27/11/2024 04:43

Aha all these posters commenting that you need to accept it etc are ridiculous - I’d be SO exasperated that the baby came everywhere! I have a small child and would be 100% be leaving her with her dad while I enjoyed a catch up with my friends!

daliesque · 26/11/2024 19:11

Then do your friend a favour and find other friends

Already did. Many years ago. Best decision I ever made. I'm not a great believer in wasting my precious time on friends who obviously don't give a shit about me.

Railous · 26/11/2024 17:32

@Christmasatcadburys yea especially every time we hang out

OP posts:
Christmasatcadburys · 26/11/2024 16:56

I don’t blame you for being fed up. There’s nothing more boring than other peoples’ children.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 26/11/2024 16:49

Railous · 26/11/2024 16:41

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo thing is that it become easier all about the baby then, watching the baby, talking about the baby. Its just very boring to visit while her Partner gets alone time

I hear you!
I knew someone who crossed friends out of his address book when they had children. If you are finding this stage really unsatisfying, you might want to take a break for a year or so; just keep in touch occasionally and wait until she's ready to focus on something other than the child. Then suggest an evening out. She might jump at it.

Railous · 26/11/2024 16:41

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo thing is that it become easier all about the baby then, watching the baby, talking about the baby. Its just very boring to visit while her Partner gets alone time

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 26/11/2024 16:18

You are unreasonable for calling it 'baby' instead of 'the baby'.

Whohasnickedthesellotape · 26/11/2024 16:10

Now she's had a baby your lives are on different paths and of course her priority will be her baby, not you. However now the baby is older she could leave DC with her DP for a couple of hours whilst you meet up. What does she say if you ask her if she could do that?

Railous · 26/11/2024 15:55

@Nanny0gg fr i don’t understand the «jealousy» thing. It just so boring having a hang out and every hangout be about baby

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 26/11/2024 15:50

It might be easier to meet your friend at her home when her DH is out. All the equipment is there and the place is safe.

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