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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For wanting to hang out with my good friend without her baby all the time?

219 replies

Railous · 25/11/2024 20:12

Don’t get me wrong her baby is very cute. I understand having to bring a newborn or a baby that is very small and still breastfeeding. But her baby is soon 1 year old and takes bottle. I understand she is very proud of her mini self and wants to show her off. But it also becomes distracting when we meet, baby is more awake and craves more attention, and conversations being interupted by a baby is not my cup of tea. Also not sitting in a restaurant having a baby that gets fussy and feel like i have to help out with baby, its like i become a co parent with her.

Not fun at all. Espacially since her partner is at home gaming or whatever while she brings baby. I understand that she can’t hang out as much as before and i understand that. But kinda sad when i see her off all sudden posting out with her partner and another couple and they at a restaurant without baby. I just miss my friend and our conversations. Also when baby is around it all becomes centred around looking and talking about baby. I don’t want to come out as rude i just wish one time to get some alone time with her like good old days.

OP posts:
Railous · 28/11/2024 09:26

@ByHardyRubyEagle you started it. You can say an opinion without having to be rude + this is not even about you lol

OP posts:
ByHardyRubyEagle · 28/11/2024 09:24

Railous · 28/11/2024 09:21

@ByHardyRubyEagle i agree so much! I have lots of patience 🙂

btw i need to report u since you going to personal attack

And what you’ve said to me is not inflammatory? Don’t answer it’s a rhetorical questions. Anyway, go for it mate, it’s only mumsnet.

Railous · 28/11/2024 09:21

@ByHardyRubyEagle i agree so much! I have lots of patience 🙂

btw i need to report u since you going to personal attack

OP posts:
ByHardyRubyEagle · 28/11/2024 09:17

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Railous · 28/11/2024 09:16

@ByHardyRubyEagle Bahaha typical mad parent answer, parents like you make me want a pet goat instead 🤣

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ByHardyRubyEagle · 28/11/2024 09:11

Railous · 28/11/2024 09:05

@ByHardyRubyEagle and because YOU dont have accses to childcare you get to act mean to others? You sound like a teen mom yourself that thinks everyone should be on your terms. Get a grip yourself. Aaaaand i think most people try to plan adult time weeks ahead with parents. Not on the drop lol

Edited

It’ll be interesting when / if you have children of your own! Good luck with that!

Railous · 28/11/2024 09:05

@ByHardyRubyEagle and because YOU dont have accses to childcare you get to act mean to others? You sound like a teen mom yourself that thinks everyone should be on your terms. Get a grip yourself. Aaaaand i think most people try to plan adult time weeks ahead with parents. Not on the drop lol

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Railous · 28/11/2024 09:03

@MissScarletInTheBallroom fr this is not something i expect every week or or 2 times a month, we keep most contact in SoMe, i used to get a lot of baby pic/videos to until i barely responded to them, idk what to say to baby pics everyday lol. I guess i just want to feel appreciated by my friend, after always hanging out on her terms and her baby’s needs. But now the baby is getting bigger and more to deal with in hangout where its just not enjoyable at all, Like even some adult time in just 1 hour would be appreciated

OP posts:
ByHardyRubyEagle · 28/11/2024 08:55

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Railous · 28/11/2024 08:53

@ByHardyRubyEagle i guess i offended someone who brings their kid everywhere? Remember your kid is your life not everyone elses. No wonder most parents lose friends with this attitude «my WAY or the HIGHWAY» 🤣

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MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/11/2024 08:17

Neurodiversitydoctor · 28/11/2024 08:09

Yes as I said in my previous post. I am well past all that now but when I had tinnies childfree time was my most precious resource, I wouldn't have " spent" it on those who weren't that bothered about my kids and refused to hold them !

I have "tinies" right now, and I wouldn't expect to keep my friends in the long run if I didn't make any effort with the friendship. The occasional evening or lunch out without the baby is not too much to ask, and this person is apparently finding the time to do that with her other friends.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 28/11/2024 08:09

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/11/2024 07:42

Yes but not every single time. Friendship requires give and take on both sides.

Yes as I said in my previous post. I am well past all that now but when I had tinnies childfree time was my most precious resource, I wouldn't have " spent" it on those who weren't that bothered about my kids and refused to hold them !

KimberleyClark · 28/11/2024 08:08

PerditaLaChien · 28/11/2024 07:52

Be aware that if you try and make her choose time with you over time with her child, she will choose her child.

Is your friend back at work/heading back? I rarely pass up on time with my DC because I'm at work so much. My DC are much more important to me than my friends. Friends are transient, you make new ones at every stage of life anyway.

Wow what an attitude towards friends. Treating them as disposable, basically. You will probably end up friendless in later life.

ByHardyRubyEagle · 28/11/2024 08:04

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MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/11/2024 08:02

PerditaLaChien · 28/11/2024 07:52

Be aware that if you try and make her choose time with you over time with her child, she will choose her child.

Is your friend back at work/heading back? I rarely pass up on time with my DC because I'm at work so much. My DC are much more important to me than my friends. Friends are transient, you make new ones at every stage of life anyway.

This friend is already choosing time with other people over time with her child.

PerditaLaChien · 28/11/2024 08:00

Also how often are you expecting to see her?

You maybe need to change what you suggest. Meet in the evenings when the baby has gone to bed. Accept you won't see her anything like as often.

I could have left mine with their dad. I didn't want to! I was headed back to work, time with my DC was precious.

PerditaLaChien · 28/11/2024 07:52

Be aware that if you try and make her choose time with you over time with her child, she will choose her child.

Is your friend back at work/heading back? I rarely pass up on time with my DC because I'm at work so much. My DC are much more important to me than my friends. Friends are transient, you make new ones at every stage of life anyway.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/11/2024 07:42

Neurodiversitydoctor · 28/11/2024 05:05

Wow, yes I think this friendship is over. Parenthood which most definitely includes holding and being interested in babies/ children is a massive part of her life now. If you feel that interacting with her child is babysitting I really can't see a future in it.

Yes but not every single time. Friendship requires give and take on both sides.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 28/11/2024 05:11

Railous · 28/11/2024 04:44

@Poodleville yea like she had priotized one on one time with her other friend and them going on double dates.. while with me and my partner or only me baby has to come.. its not the same, and feels shite when they make time like this for others but with me or me and my partner its always baby included

Edited

I suspect these other friends have " paid" for thier baby free time by more frequent meet ups with the baby in tow. Also as others said it is activity and time specific, in the evening when the child is in bed then they are easier to leave in the day without formal childcare it's quite difficult. I don't know anyone who would arrange a babysitter for a lunch or coffee date with a friend.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 28/11/2024 05:05

Railous · 25/11/2024 21:07

@Martymcfly24

when baby was newborn its something else because she just sleeping but now baby is waaay more active and needs way more attention than before. Im not fan of holding babies since im not good with kids. So i dont like to feel like im babysitting with her every hang out

Wow, yes I think this friendship is over. Parenthood which most definitely includes holding and being interested in babies/ children is a massive part of her life now. If you feel that interacting with her child is babysitting I really can't see a future in it.

Railous · 28/11/2024 04:44

@Poodleville yea like she had priotized one on one time with her other friend and them going on double dates.. while with me and my partner or only me baby has to come.. its not the same, and feels shite when they make time like this for others but with me or me and my partner its always baby included

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Poodleville · 27/11/2024 20:46

I think what most critics are missing is that the friend does stuff without the baby with other friends that aren't the OP I.e. OP is getting the message she is low priority, which can hurt. We're all entitled to choose our priorities and how we spend our free time, and yet it's quite a human reaction to feel hurt if we are not as important to someone as they are to us.
It doesn't even have to be about babies, the baby may have just revealed this. May - its also possible your friend doesn't know its bothering you so much and would make time for you if you asked.

Railous · 27/11/2024 20:28

@Skybluepinky and that is no suprise lol, think everyone is aware of that. But get suprised when they start losing friends. For me friendship is about give and take

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Skybluepinky · 27/11/2024 19:44

Unfortunately it’s the joys of being a parent their priority will always be their kids over u.

Railous · 27/11/2024 19:32

@CheeseWisely your baby is YOUR center of your life not your friends life. I get that a newborn and breastfeeding baby need to come but as soon as baby start taking bottle and is almost 1 year old it can stay home with dad. Thing is that is not that people make like the baby dosn’t exist. They just not that interesting to everyone than parents. Or they don’t know what to do or talk about when it comes to a baby and most don’t mean to offend parents they just don’t relate of know. It reach to a point when friends don’t enjoy your company when a baby is gonna be present in every hangout.. til its 18 years old. Friendship is about take and give

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