Dealing with teachers who are (imho) bullying children

The entire issue in question is whether, in fact, what the teacher did is professional and reasonable. If they called a student stupid, it wasn’t. If they only called a student’s action stupid, that’s different.

And no, I’m not here to tell you teachers are bullies, because I am capable of understanding nuance and so do not make blanket statements about entire professions as you do.

Sorry would staff room be more to your liking? I hope that addresses your primary concern with the situation.

OP if it helps when I had to go into school to discuss my DS's (SEN) progress, I found it really helpful to imagine that I was from an outside organisation sent in to perform a review. It made me take a step back and be able to be taken through the situation and ask things like, why was that approach helpful? What do you think the (name) student learned from this situation? Has that approach been supported by subsequent behaviour? etc etc. It's so visceral when you suspect your child is being at least undermined in the classroom if not outright bullied. Putting myself in the imagined position of a third party helped me put across concerns and receive feedback in a less emotive way. It also helps you come across as collected, calm, and quietly assertive which you may, but hopefully not have to be.

Killertomato
yet again you jump on entirely the wrong thing. A child telling a child they are stupid is of course wrong. As I said a teacher saying that a particular behaviour was stupid is not.
Yes the teacher is the judge of whether something is OK in the classroom obviously as long as they are being professional and reasonable. As usual you are here to tell us that teachers are bullies with petty agendas.

derivativation

You have written a lot but not actually explained a great deal.

As you appear to be withdrawing your DS from this school, you could put in a formal complaint about the teachers, but this would need to go the the head first then the governors, then the LA or whoever if an academy.
I'm not sure what you want out of this.

"staff lounge"? Is this in the USA?

You wouldn't believe some half cocked story from your kid about an affair so that argument is irrelevant.

Three teachers don't randomly take against your child. Clearly your child's behaviour isn't as good as you think it is.

If it were random chance, it would be unlikely for three teachers to all behave that way. But it isn’t, because these three teachers work together, all arrived at the same time, and were all hired by the same head.

It is also possible that the other two teachers are not bullies, but have themselves been given a one-sided or incomplete version of events. I doubt the first teacher went into the staff lounge and said “guess who I bullied today?”

What you fail to understand is that here, on Mumsnet, bad teachers do not exist, nor are schools ever in the wrong. Despite the prevalence of bullies among the general population, they are completely absent from the teaching profession.

If there is no video evidence, you must always assume that your child, or for that matter a whole group of children, is lying. However, having a student record a teacher to obtain that evidence would also be unacceptable, as would having a parent volunteer in the classroom to see for themself.

And in the impossible event that a teacher does turn out to be a bully, this is a good thing because it will help the children build resilience. Or some stupid shit like that.

I'm not a teacher, but you have said roughly what I was thinking.

But one thing I've noticed over my decades as a parent:
If a child starts complaining about a teacher/school to their parent and their parent believes with bated breath everything they say, then the child almost always is spurred on to tell them more and more, twisting what is said to make good stories - and them standing up bravely, but politely, for other children is a fairly frequent one that is trotted out.

But that's why you know the DCs account is most likely incorrect.

1 teacher being unprofessional and cruel, believable.

3 teachers all colluding to mistreat 1 well-behaved child, completely unrealistic.

Like in any profession, the vast majority of teachers will not be bullies, but some will be. So I wouldn’t say it’s extremely unlikely for someone to have one such teacher across all their years of schooling.

Which can also be another very very bad way to prepare kids for the future

Unless the teacher also happens to be the dictator of the country where the school is located, he is not entirely in charge what is ok and not ok in his classroom.

He has broad leeway, yes, but there are still laws, norms, and professional standards to comply with, just like any other profession.

We simply don’t know if the teacher was calling the students themselves stupid, or was only referring to a particular action. If the former, that does not conform with professional standards in any jurisdiction that I know if. And if done repeatedly, that would make him a bully.

I was in some tough classes growing up, and while the teachers sometimes said we had done something stupid, I don’t recall a single one referring to an actual student that way. And these were teachers who had widely differing styles and ranged in age from their early 20s to their 70s.

I had similar at school as a teen and my mum arranged a meeting face to face with the teacher and the head to discuss the issue with me in the room. It didn’t change the fact the teacher was a complete arsehole, but she treated me a lot better afterwards and I was so proud of my mum for sticking up for me.

We need to role model how to stick up for ourselves. It’s a skill we all need as an adult, life doesn’t get easier.

I'm a very experienced teacher.

Looking at your comments, there is a lot in here that I would question.

You are reporting what your child has come home and said, which is paraphrased and taken out of context. As others have said, you weren't there, and this is relevant, as while I am not suggesting your child is lying, you don't have the full picture to make an accurate judgement of what is really going on here.

I can imagine many of these comments being made by teachers on a daily basis, said in jest or as part of a wider conversation, the full details of which your child has not reported to you. I regularly comment on how one half of my classroom is quietly getting on with their work and the other is causing chaos and nowhere near finished, and invite the students to observe that the side working hard is female and the side not doing anything is male. I regularly tell children that an unsafe thing they are doing is not a very clever thing to do. On a Monday morning or Friday afternoon I might comment that it seems our minds are all voids because no one seems to have any thoughts to share. All utterly normal and innocuous.

I have also told a child on more than one occasion that something they were doing or saying was stupid in the context of them being dangerous or unkind.

I am wondering if your child is neurodiverse? Lots of recent changes at school and new teachers can be very unsettling, and if they are dealing with new teachers with a communication style they're not used to, is it perhaps more likely that your child is misunderstanding and misinterpreting what is happening, rather than that the school has suddenly been taken over by an army of bullying teachers?

Has your child got a form tutor you can email in the first instance, before jumping to moving schools? Having a chat with them would be a good first port of call, as they are responsible for your child's pastoral life at school and will be able to do a bit of investigating for you and find out what might be going on behind the scenes.

Honestly, there’s some amazing teachers, and some are awful and on a power trip. You teach your dc the skills to navigate different personalities in life. It’s a very important lesson. You often hear excellent/talented individuals who were told they’d amount to nothing go on to do amazing things - Willy Russell who wrote blood brothers is a great example.

i was in a friendship trio and we fell out with one girl. Two of us stuck together as the other had been shit stirring. She cried to the head of year and Mrs Ling told me and friend (in year 9) that we were evil and like the IRA and the bombers in Israel (1990s). I still think, wtf was she thinking?! I’m honestly not evil, I’m nice 😂

I don’t know why people are struggling to understand Op.
No advice but for those struggling, it is obvious OP is concerned the teacher who said the poorly judged comment has gossiped to his colleagues about how The OP child called them out in class. The other teachers also don’t have the full story and are now acting like the DC did something wrong.

it is hard to come back from general ill feeling of a teacher has been embarrassed

I am currently dealing with the same thing myself but primary school. When I read all the comments on here blaming the kids it's horrible. my dc yr6 never in trouble until this teacher took a dislike after my dd was assaulted in her own classroom by ex pupil who happened to be the same teachers favourite pupil and I reported it to head. I've had her rolling her eyes, flapping her hands, shouting at me and blatant lies told to me but still she's been a teacher for nearly 30 years. My dd no longer attends, due to this so called lovely teacher putting so much stress on dd where it resulted in school refusal and burnout.

Teachers are only human and capable of toxic narcissistic behaviour just like anyone except there in a position of trust. There are certain teachers should not be teaching and the children are not always at fault.

As parents we advocate for our children
Good luck OP. 👍

Also, the new school would not need a reference for your son. My friends child moved schools- the parent and school didn’t have a great relationship. The child’s move was quite quick. The parent was worried that the school will provide a negative reference but there is no such thing in place for state schools.

My experience is different then…

Not a ‘reference’ as such, but DH is a headteacher and he always receives a report from a DC’s previous school. This is usually verbal to avoid DSAR issues.

This rarely happens in my experience unless there is a SEND history. School records are transferred over and that’s that.