Dealing with teachers who are (imho) bullying children

On
MN there are two camps

The not in my day school camp Teachers are god

And the sen kids and others unsupported by school and govt camp

I'm in the latter. Ignore those that are criticising you op. Those that have experienced this have walked in these shoes. The rest have no valid comment to make.

Plenty of higher paid positions have clothing expectations and toilet restrictions.

Yes absolutely. What I see here is that low paid adults are seen as the same as children: inferior humans who can be controlled and deprived of human rights when thought necessary. That's why people think it's okay that I have to wait to pee for hours at work until my manager decides that they can alleviate some people for breaks too, or that a child has to ask permission and sometimes be refused said permission to urinate, too.

Unfortunately, training students not to stand up for their rights, and to bow to any authority no matter how abusive, is seen by some people as a primary purpose of education. You might as well call it “obedience school.”

The only reason that we are treated like that is because we are low paid. Do you think my managers ever have to wait to pee? Absolutely never. The fact we have to stay on the tills and hold ourselves isnt anything to aspire to. It's part of the inhumane treatment we receive as low paid workers.

I would like to think we’re trying to prepare students for better futures than as low-paid, disrespected workers with no rights. Otherwise, frankly, we could probably afford to shave a few years off compulsory education.

Do.you think the same when children report sexual abuse?

I come from a family of teachers, and every one of them would tell you that there are good ones and bad ones. And even the good ones make mistakes. I was good as gold at school and experienced a few nasty ones myself.

I would ask to speak to the head. You probably won't get anywhere fast, but worth at least attempting to sort this out. Meanwhile, tell your DC to keep his head down and reassure him that if things don't improve, he will be moving.

I’m assuming it’s a way of calling the new head useless. As a chocolate teapot would be!

I can well believe that some teachers do take issue with some kids. My DD didn’t get on with her year 6 teacher whatsoever. My DD has suspected ASD and likes to blend in to the background/mask, her teacher never picked up on this really and used to single her out in front of the whole class. She still hasn’t forgotten about it and she’s 15! 🫣

before going in all guns blazing ask for a meeting to discuss the context and what actually happened.

Are you really telling me in this day and age that if you were desperate for the toilet you would be prevented from going AT WORK?

I would suggest that you talk to any cashier in any supermarket. There are others but that would be a good place to start.

As for clothing, if you didn't wear the correct clothing on a building site, warehouse, boiler houses, hospitals and some factories (there are more) you could not only be asked to leave site but could be removed from your job.

I can't walk out of the classroom to wee.

The other examples you wouldn't get sent home from school for. Have you been reading the daily mail sad face stories. They're made up and the school can't share their version of the story.

Clothing expectations, yes, but are you told to go home if you have a certain pair of socks on? Or told you can't take a jacket off when you're hot? Are you really telling me in this day and age that if you were desperate for the toilet you would be prevented from going AT WORK?

Sorry but WTF do you mean when you say the head is a "chocolate teapot"?! I've never heard of this phrase before and I'm a teacher!

True, there are some people who go to extremes in the other direction. But there are also a number of teachers on here who seem to believe schools/teachers are infallible. I didn’t pick my examples at random; I have seen all of those arguments made multiple times. And that ‘bullying builds resilience’ idiocy has already shown up on this very thread. It was once a common belief in society at large, until well-publicized suicides, school shootings in the US, etc made it untenable. It’s hard to imagine anyone but an actual bully espousing it today.

It would seem unusual, but then again bad leadership can poison the culture of an organization surprisingly quickly.

I also don’t think they had to be colluding in any conscious way. I’ve been at schools where certain “problem children” were discussed frequently, and it probably did lead us to look in their direction first whenever something went sideways in the classroom.

That's not a reference, particularly in that the new head isn't able to do anything if the previous head says "he's a right pain. He doesn't even let our teachers bully the stupid children" or similar. Yes, we try to contact the previous school (not the head; any secondary schools have >2000 students) but if they say there are significant issues, we can't do anything to prevent the child from turning up on their start date.

I've asked this already so I would appreciate an answer - (sarcasm free, please) has this taken place in a state school in the UK?
Thank you.

Good lord. I'm just trying to clarify the situation.
I can't abide sarcasm, there's really no need.
How unpleasant.

In all of my jobs there have been expectations of what I can and cannot wear.
So places have been much more relaxed than others.
You should also know that there are many jobs where you can't just go to the toilet when you like.

Most days in my adult life I have clothing expectations and restricted toilet times. So do plenty of work places.

What is getting detention for the wrong colour socks, or isolation for taking off a blazer when they're hot, or having a few mm too short skirt actually preparing them for though?

There has been no time in my adult life where I could not take my coat/jacket/jumper off, no one has ever commented on my socks, I can have any hairstyle I want and I can go to the toilet whenever I want?

It's bizarre that teachers think this somehow teaches them discipline and/or life skills but actually it just teaches them that school is Draconian and has no bearing on the real world whatsoever.

You have been on MN long enough to know that your entire post is rubbish.
There are many on here who will repeatedly tell you that teachers and schools are always wrong.

I can believe an individual teacher could be nasty or even a bully. I don’t believe that multiple teachers in the same school (the majority of whom apparently new) are not only bullying a number of DC, but also now colluding to bully the OP’s DS.

What a lovely experience for you (not having a mean teacher!) But knowing your Mum had your back, you were important enough and deserving for her to have your back and seeing her model that for you. I would strive to do the same for my children 🩷