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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned about this member of staff at the nursery??

56 replies

RaspberryJammy · 25/11/2024 16:42

I work in a nursery and I’m starting to get concerns about a member of staff. I never see her interacting with the children really or doing very much. When they are crying she tells them ‘you can have a cuddle but only if you stop that crying, I don’t want to hear it’. She is quite harsh with them. She’s also quite rough when trying to steer them away from something, just pretty much grabs them and pushes them away and I’ve heard her raise her voice quite a lot at them, pretty much shouting. When of the little boys today was upset and she said his cry was ‘pathetic’. She seems to have no sense of wanting to comfort them or see what’s wrong, she just gets frustrated at them. Aibu to feel she is being harsh and have concerns?

OP posts:
GranPepper · 25/11/2024 17:49

JawsCushion · 25/11/2024 17:37

But she should be trained to know what to do.

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Of couse but it's easier said than done in my experience (unfortunately). The person doung the "wrong" things should also be trained to "do the right thing" but they aren't. Workplace culture is a difficult thing to overcome (sadly)

Nerdles · 25/11/2024 17:48

You need to speak to the manager and safeguarding lead.

I also suggest you update your own safeguarding training seeing as you haven't reported it already. It's neglectful

IdaGlossop · 25/11/2024 17:41

GranPepper · 25/11/2024 17:33

I agree with this. It's clear OP has concerns but others working in the nursery seem to be accepting of the behaviour of the person she is concerned about. So how do you, as a new employee, raise the issue in that culture - not very easily in my experience. Many new employees, whatever their workplace, would put their head down and say nothing. This OP is asking for help to decide what to do. Good on her

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OP remember that safeguarding is make or break for nurseries if you need something to help you be brave. The DSL will have to take action and be able to evidence they have taken action. If not, they risk the nursery being closed by Ofsted. In your shoes, I would make a note of your encounter with the DSL for your own records.

JawsCushion · 25/11/2024 17:37

GranPepper · 25/11/2024 17:33

I agree with this. It's clear OP has concerns but others working in the nursery seem to be accepting of the behaviour of the person she is concerned about. So how do you, as a new employee, raise the issue in that culture - not very easily in my experience. Many new employees, whatever their workplace, would put their head down and say nothing. This OP is asking for help to decide what to do. Good on her

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But she should be trained to know what to do.

JawsCushion · 25/11/2024 17:37

sprigatito · 25/11/2024 17:14

@JawsCushion I didn't mean anyone in particular, it just feels like a bit of a pile-on.

Fair enough.

GranPepper · 25/11/2024 17:33

sprigatito · 25/11/2024 17:09

To be fair to OP there is often a culture of silence and turning a blind eye to poor practice. It's hard to be the only member of staff who is prepared to upset the apple cart, especially in a low-paid job with poor security where you probably don't feel valued. She clearly wants to address it, hence asking for advice here. I'm not sure what the snide comments are supposed to achieve.

I agree with this. It's clear OP has concerns but others working in the nursery seem to be accepting of the behaviour of the person she is concerned about. So how do you, as a new employee, raise the issue in that culture - not very easily in my experience. Many new employees, whatever their workplace, would put their head down and say nothing. This OP is asking for help to decide what to do. Good on her

IdaGlossop · 25/11/2024 17:18

I agree you should report to the DSL ASAP. You've given several examples so it's an ongoing situation, not an isolated incident.

Who is the senior person in the room you are working in? If it's your unkind colleague, she should be leading by example, not modelling bad practice. If it's someone else, why isn't he or she doing their job and intervening? Whichever it is, it doesn't speak very well for the nursery.

sprigatito · 25/11/2024 17:14

@JawsCushion I didn't mean anyone in particular, it just feels like a bit of a pile-on.

JawsCushion · 25/11/2024 17:13

sprigatito · 25/11/2024 17:09

To be fair to OP there is often a culture of silence and turning a blind eye to poor practice. It's hard to be the only member of staff who is prepared to upset the apple cart, especially in a low-paid job with poor security where you probably don't feel valued. She clearly wants to address it, hence asking for advice here. I'm not sure what the snide comments are supposed to achieve.

If you mean me my comment was not snide in the least. My concern is for these little children, not for an adult who is supposed to be trained to know what to do in these cases.

Anyone posting in this thread could have their child in this nursery.

Shakirasma · 25/11/2024 17:10

I assume you've done safeguarding training in your workplace? In which case you should know exactly what to do.
If you are genuinely so unsure that you need to ask on an online forum, please ask your manager for a refresher.

sprigatito · 25/11/2024 17:09

To be fair to OP there is often a culture of silence and turning a blind eye to poor practice. It's hard to be the only member of staff who is prepared to upset the apple cart, especially in a low-paid job with poor security where you probably don't feel valued. She clearly wants to address it, hence asking for advice here. I'm not sure what the snide comments are supposed to achieve.

JawsCushion · 25/11/2024 17:07

If someone works with children and they are nervous about reporting a staff member being cruel, etc then they shouldn't be working with children. That smacks of being more concerned about the staff member getting annoyed with them than the children's well being.

GranPepper · 25/11/2024 17:06

MistressWeatherwax1 · 25/11/2024 17:02

If you work in a nursery why are you even asking this online? Report this member of staff to your manager asap. Her behaviour towards the children is not acceptable.

In my experience, people new into a workplace, any workplsce, are nervous about raising a problem. OP maybe just wanted to sense check her thoughts. No shame in that

MistressWeatherwax1 · 25/11/2024 17:02

If you work in a nursery why are you even asking this online? Report this member of staff to your manager asap. Her behaviour towards the children is not acceptable.

Original poster
RaspberryJammy · 25/11/2024 17:00

Storyland · 25/11/2024 16:55

Do you work in the UK?

Can't understand why you do not already know to report this to safeguarding? Thought that was primary training everywhere.

I do. I haven’t long worked there and everyone else seems to either think it’s ok or just turns a blind eye, which I know is very worrying in itself. I will report, I just wanted to get some advice as I don’t usually work the same days as this member of staff and I’ve noticed it in the last few days

OP posts:
SI85 · 25/11/2024 16:55

Please please report this to the DSL. These children need you to advocate for them, as they can't for themselves.

Storyland · 25/11/2024 16:55

Do you work in the UK?

Can't understand why you do not already know to report this to safeguarding? Thought that was primary training everywhere.

Wallawallakoala · 25/11/2024 16:54

Please say something I’d hate for this to be happening to mine or any other LOs

Original poster
RaspberryJammy · 25/11/2024 16:54

SmalllChange · 25/11/2024 16:52

Did you post about this very recently OP?

Hi, no this is my first post. This staff member is in on the days I don’t usually work as I’m part time but I’ve been doing extra days to cover so have witnessed it now x

OP posts:
Dreamerinme · 25/11/2024 16:53

Make a list of examples and report immediately to your safeguarding lead. If the nursery has CCTV they may be able to view her on recordings.

MillenialAvocado · 25/11/2024 16:53

YANBU. This is incredibly concerning. I wouldn't want this person around my son and I'm sure the other parents would feel the same. As others have said, please report it xx

GranPepper · 25/11/2024 16:53

RaspberryJammy · 25/11/2024 16:42

I work in a nursery and I’m starting to get concerns about a member of staff. I never see her interacting with the children really or doing very much. When they are crying she tells them ‘you can have a cuddle but only if you stop that crying, I don’t want to hear it’. She is quite harsh with them. She’s also quite rough when trying to steer them away from something, just pretty much grabs them and pushes them away and I’ve heard her raise her voice quite a lot at them, pretty much shouting. When of the little boys today was upset and she said his cry was ‘pathetic’. She seems to have no sense of wanting to comfort them or see what’s wrong, she just gets frustrated at them. Aibu to feel she is being harsh and have concerns?

As it seems you can't address this directly with the staff member (which I get), it seems you are either in a subordinate position to her by grade or seniority or there's some other reason she gets to do this. Could you raise your concerns discreetly with the owner/Manager of the nursery?

SmalllChange · 25/11/2024 16:52

Did you post about this very recently OP?

Original poster
RaspberryJammy · 25/11/2024 16:52

Yes, she does always seem unhappy to be at work and frustrated easily with the children.

OP posts:
Original poster
RaspberryJammy · 25/11/2024 16:52

sprigatito · 25/11/2024 16:48

This is very common unfortunately, when parents' backs are turned (I worked in nurseries for years). It's why I would advise against using any setting which doesn't have an open door policy for parents. It's too easy to mistreat non-verbal children out of laziness, frustration or inexperience - even in an "outstanding" setting with a great menu and lovely facilities.

That reminds me, today a child was stood waiting and wanted a grown up to help her with something she can actually do physically, the staff member in question said ‘this child is so lazy sometimes, I’ve never met a child like it before’. I thought this was very harsh, the children in the room we work in are only 2-3 years old.

OP posts:
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