Should i be annoyed?

On the upside I actually think it's really sweet that after 20 years together you still can get a bit jealous. He is yours OP ❤

With kindness, you are creating a problem that doesn't exist.

DH has been a good husband to you for 20 years. He chose you, he continues to choose you every day. You are by definition the love of his life. You have a family together.

He had a great conversation with a young person he was sat next to on a flight, literally right in front of you. If he thought he was doing something wrong or had bad intention he would either not have done it at all (or perhaps kept checking to see if you had noticed his bad behaviour). He clearly didn't think he was doing anything wrong because his heart and mind were in the right place.

It's great that he had a nice conversation with the person he sat next to on the flight. I suspect quite strongly he might have felt quite paternally towards her if she was young and a nervous flyer (and he had young adult kids himself).

I think the real issue here might be a self worth and confidence issue. Which we all have from time to time! May I suggest though that instead of wasting time turning this into something it never was, use it as a catalyst to boost how you feel about yourself. Book a hair appointment, go shopping, exercise, have dinner with friends or hubby etc Look after yourself and enjoy the nice life together you have successfully created.

I am older than you, OP and I would love my husband to have a bit of attention from someone interesting in your situation. It would do him the world of good to feel that someone enjoyed his company. It would give him something to tell me about.
I cannot imagine feeling jealous though. I love my husband to bits and completely trust him. I wouldn't make him feel bad about something that made him feel interesting and interested. I would feel similarly grateful if someone took an interest in talking to my mother on a longish flight even though it meant she didn't focus solely on me.

😂

My ex chatted almost the whole way on a flight to the man next to him, and I was upset and annoyed too. I think it's more the effort he'd put in with a virtual stranger, and leaving me feeling ignored that hurt. Would have been worse had it been a woman I think.

It's normal to chat but I don't think it's normal to totally ignore your partner while you do so!

I’m just interested if you would still feel the same if it was a 20 something man he was talking to or an older woman?
I think I’d be annoyed too. My DP is very attentive (overly so sometimes) but I think I’d be miffed if he chatted exclusively to someone else for the whole flight and ignored me

Did you try to talk to him and he ignored you? I do think YABU for repeatedly bringing it up because you don't like his response enough. Especially if your go to plane routine is watching your own stuff and ignoring each other!

I've chatted to so many people on planes, it's quite a normal thing to do.

I understand why you're upset too - feeling ignored and left out is horrible, especially somewhere like a plane where you can't just wander off and do your own thing.

I'm surprised so many people are defending him - you were sitting within arm's reach of him and he never thought to check on you or introduce you into the conversation? It's rude and thoughtless at best.

I think you’re so upset because this has made you feel a bit ‘old’ and realise that there are younger women out there that could catch ypur husbands eye and he could actually engage with if he wanted to. The fact he was so engrossed he ignored you made you feel it even more - unseen and irrelevant. Totally understandable even though there was no chance of anything untoward. He enjoyed it so much because it made him feel energised, a bit powerful and relevant (the opposite to how you must have felt).
His apology was a non-apology where he failed to see it from your side.
i think you need to chalk your lingering feelings up this this - recognise that’s how you felt and then try to move on. If you keep going on about it he’s going to keep remembering how lovely it felt.

OP, have you never enjoyed a conversation with another person, without it meaning anything at all except that?

I don't think he's done anything wrong, and I would say I am usually pretty quick to jump to LTB.

It's nice for anyone to be 'seen' by a stranger and pass a pleasant hour on a boring flight - that's all this was.

If you'd tapped him on the arm and he'd shrugged you off, then that is ignoring you. But not having you at the centre of his thoughts 100% of the time is not that.

OP, just let him that one moment of flirtation, we all need to feel interesting and attractive to the world everyone again. And it’s really sweet that you are jealous, your love is alive. 😍

OP, what did you want him to notice about you during that time? Were you visibly upset at the turbulence or did you have headphones on watching the film? I don't think he was ignoring you..that's implies a deliberate avoiding. He was talking to someone else that's all., while were occupied. If you otherwise had a great weekend and he's a good guy I'm sorry but I think YABU unreasonable on this one and if you keep.pushing him to apologise for something he doesn't think he did, it's not going to end well. You FEELING like he was ignoring you isn't the same as him ACTUALLY ignoring you. He's apologised for you feeling that way. I'd drop it now. Really.

Jeeez you sound high maintenance.

I dont get this. OP says they usually separately watch films. So they ignore each other then and thats ok?

It sounds like OP didn't try and engage him in conversation either.

OP knows her DH best but I've had some really good chats with strangers on airplanes and trains, with both men and women.

I see DH every day and we talk about anything and everything but sometimes you get a different type of stimulus from talking to a stranger. And with OP not sat next to him it would have been harder to include her.

Somewhat on a tangent, I've been in work dinners where I've noticed some people at the end of a table feeling left out. But it would have been awkward to shout across the table to them so I leave them be and just make sure to talk to them after the meal for a bit. Similarly I've been at the end of a table where I've not felt fully a part of the conversation but I don't take it personally.

I've had a similar experience on a flight with ex and it made me realise that our relationship wasn't quite what I thought it was. It really made me question the relationship. I felt snubbed.

The fact that your dh didn't check on you at all during the flight is rubbish. Sorry I don't know what to suggest except take some time to care for yourself and validate your own feelings, because he is invalidating them. Do something nice for you, you're obviously hurt so take care of you.

Do you have daughters?

He hasn't actually apologised though has he? He just won't accept he acted like a pathetic old goat and was rude to completely ignore you, because that's a bit embarrassing isn't it?

No useful advice OP. My DH was always like this. When I was young and confident it didn't bother me. When I was fat and middle aged it did. Now I'm old (and still fat) I sometimes wish he'd do it again and fuck off with them.

I think it would grate on most people if their partner ignored them for a flight and gave their exclusive attention to a (presumably) attractive younger member of the opposite sex. It’s just a bit rude and I’m sure you’d have been fine if he’d chatted to you as well for some of the time. However it’s done now. You’ve said your piece so I would leave it as in the scheme of things it’s a minor transgression.

I wonder what he’s like with other women usually? Is he always a chatty person?

I would not like that at all.

What kind of things were they laughing about? My husband couldn't go 1.5 hrs without referencing me, I'd say (not a boast, he just doesn't have many other topics). You'd expect him to find a way to bring you into the chat.
It is weird on planes though. I once sat by a couple who shared their (delicious) picnic with me and we shared lovely stories. 4 hr flight. Chatting away like besties. Landed, got in the queue, never so much as glanced at each other again.