Is it reasonable to ask a woman to change her profile picture?

Thanks all for the advice - lots of mean comments, yet I am learning how to date a widow who has never left town
Lucky her, eh?

.......while I have friends and family all over the US
Bully for you.

Many on this post remind me of why I gave up dating for a while - very toxic people
You're the one who is toxic, dude.

She shared a lifetime and a family with her deceased husband. He’s an important part of her life. If they had a happy marriage she will never stop loving him.
She shares x amount of dates /kisses /shags /maybe a holiday?? with you.
You cannot ask her to delete her past. That’s controlling behaviour.
Why would your family /friends be bothered by the fact she has a deceased husband? It’s a fact. If someone is bothered by that, why do you care? You know what she feels for you. It’s not a competition between the dead husband and you. She can love both. Asking her to hide her past is controlling. I hope she would she it as a red flag for your relationship if you ask this.

So if facebook didnt exist how would you stalk her then?? And you would rather marry anyone than be with this lovely woman because you feel insecure because she still loves her husband, but if you marry someone then you have them and they cant get away, and aa for companianship 99% of women your age just want a companian not a husband and certainly not a husband.......

Jeez.

All the red flags.

Who an earth are you to dictate somebody's grief?

It's a journey, one of the most horrid and gut wrenching. It's not to be rushed, it's not linear, it's up, down, hills, mountains, kerbs.

And yes. Maybe respectfully because of sons, and perhaps feels guilty for moving on.

By the way, divorce and death, they're very very different, and shouldn't be treated the same, at all.

She isn't your friend on Facebook? Boohoo. She hasn't added you. She doesn't actually need to change her photo or think about what she's writing in order not to irk you, so actually, it's nothing to do with you?

Please do some research about grieving.

*Yes there might be an element of she might not be fully ready - but if and when she is, sadly, not with you.

You seem very obsessed with how your relationship looks to other people and not just the 2 of you. My Facebook photo is just me and my phone screensaver is my son but it doesn’t mean I don’t adore my other half and not committed to him

I honestly thought he would. I had him pinned as a Last Word type of bloke and very much on the defensive

@SabreIsMyFave probably stood in "the widow's" garden watching her....... Creepily judging her every move

I don't think so...

Don't ask her don't mention it, don't connect with her on FB if it's an issue for you.

I hope you never get to find out why its a problem but I strongly suggest you tred really carefully with the 'it's been xx years '

@NewmanintownRob must be too busy updating his Facebook to come back !

This makes no sense. She’s not wanting to accept your friend request on Facebook by the sounds of things and she’s absolutely doing the right thing judging by your posts which contain so many red flags.

Twice you’ve said ‘she has dated 10 men’
’I can’t see her personal FB posts’
’For all I know she could have other men’
’She says she sees her girlfriends but this makes me jealous and suspicious of other men’

This is a woman who has a close knit community around her in the area where you openly date and you have met her children. Yet you doubt her intentions and commitment to you because of a profile picture on FB?

I hope she opens her eyes soon to the mistake she is about to make if she doesn’t get out of this relationship asap.

exactly. That’s her deceased husband, not an ex. How can you ask that? You clearly don’t have the maturity to be with a widow OP.

what do you want her to do? Pretend the husband and life never existed??

and you do seem a little Facebook obsessed.

@NewmanintownRob you coming back?!

This is just weird. If you want her to get to know your friends and family, take them to meet friends and family. Maybe you need to wean yourself off Facebook as it’s making you believe the online world is somehow significant. It’s not.

Apologies edited post out. I didn't mean to response direct to you

I was widowed over 20 years ago. DP knows I love my late husband and I love him too. If he had ever asked me to put away my husband's photograph he would have been out of the door before he knew it. It's about respect.

In my experience 'chemistry' is a 2-way thing, inasmuch as you know the other person feels the same way. If you have to ask yourself how she feels about you, there is no real chemistry.

This!

‘A woman’ ? Oh you’ve managed to grab yourself one of them woman things have you. Yes it’s fine to erase or ignore the bits you don’t like, that’ll work out well

She may be ready to date but deleting that facebook profile might be a lot harder than you think. Not the same but i’ve come to realise that I can’t change my FB cover photo, as its my dad and my kids. He’s been gone 6yrs now, but it’s just somewhere i’m not ready to do. Obviously different for her being a DH, and maybe the time she deletes that is when she moves in with someone, or even when she remarries. I dated someone who had his marriage still listed etc, it never bothered me, I wasn’t even his friend on FB, didn’t see the need at dating stage. Maybe that would have been addressed later down the line, only we never got that far

I am not insecure

Mate, there is a cloying air of insecurity in everything you say.

Massively this.

OP thinks he's brilliant, and certainly superior to this little woman who doesn't leave her town.

What the fuck, "Facebook friends all over the country" has got to do with her updating her profile picture, no one knows. That's because it's got nothing to do with this.

OP's ego doesn't want his friends and family to see that "fabulous him" is less important than her deceased DH. He can't bear people openly seeing he's not number one. He doesn't even seem to have grasped that he's not.

This is nothing to do with the presence of exDH. This is his ego not coping with having to take a hit when his friends say "who's that guy in her picture?" It's all about his image.

No its not ok to ask her to change her picture.
I write as a widow myself, IF i was in a relationship and he asked me to replace my picture hed be gone out of my life.
Why have you a problem with a dead person, am sure her heart is big enough for both of you, to shove him over a bit and make room for you, be supportive.
She may be leaving the picture up out of respect for his family.

This would be the same as asking her to remove a picture of her and a deceased parent. Utterly crass and shameful.