Is it reasonable to ask a woman to change her profile picture?

Changing her Facebook profile to show herself as a single person may be a big deal for your girlfriend. It is not something you should ask her to do unless she's committed to a serious relationship with you, and it doesn't sound as if she is yet.
Maybe the real concern is that you're not sure whether she wants the relationship to move forward in the way you do? Trying to hurry her along may scare her off; you might need to carry on getting to know her and be very patient for quite a while.

The tone of this is so weird. What do you mean it’s a challenge to ‘get’ her to know more about your family? Is she disinterested, or simply not ready, or does she not view this relationship in the same way as you do? You don’t mention how long you’ve been dating which is highly relevant.

If you’re feeling insecure or unsure where you stand with her, you’re perfectly entitled to ask, but to suggest it’s her FB profile pic that’s somehow hindering the progress of your relationship is a hell of a stretch, especially if aIl your family and friends know she’s a widow.

My widowed dad has been in a new relationship for over 3 years. His house is still absolutely filled with pictures of my mum, his phone lock screen is her and she’s all over his social media. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his current partner, but you don’t suddenly erase the person you’ve been married to for decades - and if he did, he’d very quickly find himself erased from the lives of his children and grandchildren, because to pretend our mum never existed would be unforgivable.

If your ego can’t handle sharing someone’s heart, don’t date a bereaved person.

No. You can't ask that. Especially if it's of someone who's passed on. If it was an ex still living and breathing, I guess I would gently question why you were still using it?
But seriously, what difference does it make if she puts a picture of Kim Jong Un, big bird from sesame street, Kim Kardashian's butt? You know who she is and you have a real life relationship. They're just pictures on an outdated social media platform.
You say you're 'not obsessed' with Facebook. But I've yet to hear someone volunteer those words unprompted unless they were true.

You seem very insecure - the poor man is DEAD - get it? So no real competition? You can't make her forget the deceased.

Are you in an official relationship with her? If its casual then this shouldn't bother you at this point.

If it is a proper relationship then you can't ask her to change it but you could talk to her about how it makes you feel. She may not realise how thus could upset you. I would explain that you do not want to erase her husband or cause any upset

But you're married to a widower. The OP has said nothing about how long this relationship has been, or how serious it is. We don't know if they're three dates in or three years.

Having re-read the OP and allowed the irrational (because grief is often irrational) red mist to dissipate, it seems what you are actually looking for is reassurance that your relationship is meaningful.

If you judge that by Facebook and physical things like having photographs around, then I think you need to re-evaluate how you determine relationships in general to be honest. Facebook is not real life.

If you want to progress the relationship try talking to her about her feelings without making her feel steam rollered to validate you.

Widowhood is a big complicated deal and people trying to mark territory is something I've experienced, just among friends, never mind relationship situations. It's really weird and dehumanising to be frank.

Its really important to remember that a spouse that has died is not an ex. The beloved spouse of a widow/er would still be their partner if they were still alive and the only reason they are in a relationship with you is because death intervened. That's not to say you will not be loved by them, but you will always have to live with the fact their deceased spouse is still loved too. That's not for the faint hearted, the jealous or the possessive. So think very carefully if this is for you.

I'm married to a widower and disagree with most of these responses. Of course you shouldn't demand she takes the picture down but it's definitely worth a conversation. I think if you want to know if she's ready for a serious relationship you need to be able to ask, and talk about how you are feeling. If she's not ready for more with you she's not ready, and that's fine and you can move on or keep things light. Of course she will always love her husband, but your feelings count too.

What the hell.

If you're already going out with her, you don't need to try to "Friend" her on FB.

And you absolutely can't ask her to change her profile picture.

What's that got to do with your family, anyway? Do they all live their lives on FB?

If this bothers you, I would suggest dating a widow is probably not for you.

I think you need to stay in your lane.
Accept him as part of her. It's not a case of out with the old cause here comes the new.

It's absolutely nothing to do with you tbh, if it bothers you that much that a widow would obviously miss her husband then date someone that isn't a widow.

What, exactly, is your relationship with/to the woman in question? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend? Dating? How long have you been seeing her?

What do you mean by 'trying to friend her on Facebook'? If you're already dating, why is it so crucial that you friend her and what on earth has your own family got to do with any of this? It's irrelevant what your family thinks about any of this.

Yes, YABU.

Also a widow of nearly three years with my profile picture of me and late DP still standing. It took me two years to change my relationship status to widowed.

If anyone, I mean anyone, even good friends started hinting at how I manage any part of this situation I'd be giving them the rough end of my tongue to be frank.

Short answer - if you genuinely value this relationship keep your feelings about this to yourself and work on developing a meaningful relationship with her accepting that her situation is incredibly personal.

And solidarity to all in this shitty club xxx

Why do you need to friend her on Facebook? I don’t understand.

How long have you been dating her?

WTAF. No. Just no.

Fair point, actually.

OP, would you like to respond that? Why are you 'trying' to friend someone on Fb if you're in a relationship with her?

And why would your apparent desire to 'get her starting to learn more' about your family be affected by her having her husband in her profile picture?

There is 1 photo of me and DH in our house. We have been together years, I'm not a photo person, there are loads of the children. Maybe she doesn't want pictures everywhere

My DH Facebook photo is of him and his children, mine is of me and my children

I am in a relationship with a widower and he has his wife as his banner photo on faceboook. I would never ask him to change that. He also has pictures of her all over his house. I wouldn't ask him to remove these either. He still loves her but also loves me.

I think she is probably not ready for a deep relationship yet. It is a sensitive issue, she may feel she would be disrespecting her deceased husband to remove his picture and also doesn't realise the picture is making you feel insecure. I don't think you can say anything without causing her distress, you will just have to live with it.

Ugh. Facebook is not real life. Just see where this goes in real life and leave facebook out of it.

Actually, I think it’s okay to ask her about it and have a conversation about it. It’s not okay to ask her to change it. But I think 4 years after his death, if her children are old enough to have social media, they’re old enough to be okay with mum having a photo of just her on Facebook. I think for me, it hints at that maybe she’s not quite ready to make the leap into a new relationship yet. That’s okay. That’s not something you should force her to do if she’s not there.

But I think actually she needs to be honest with you so you can decide what you’re going to do with that information. If this was an ex from 4 years ago, who was still very much alive, people would be telling you to run for the hills. Grief is a funny old thing, but I think she probably does owe it to you to be honest if she really isn’t ready for a new relationship and this could be a sign of that.

no do not ask. You do not even need to be facebook friends, just live in the real world.