Is it reasonable to ask a woman to change her profile picture?

I don’t think she’s ready to commit to someone new. I’m sorry.

Wait, have you even met her or is this a long distance relationship?

And nicely, if you're not close enough to your friends/family to actually see them in person, talk on the phone etc, then it really doesn't matter if her profile picture is of her with another man. They wouldn't even necessarily know who it is - could be a brother, a friend, a colleague.

If this was a woman and she was seeing a man with a photo of himself and his wife on his Facebook profile, we would be sympathetic,

How awkward trying to be proud of a new partner and your romance and have people celebrate your newfound relationship when their profile photo is of their late husband.

If it’s any consolation she probably has unresolved grief and feelings about moving on. The Facebook photo is probably her way of remembering her husband and alleviating some of those confusing feelings. She probably feels like she’s honouring him & not forgetting their love, even though the reality is that right now, she is with you.

I think you have to grin and bear it for the time being. If your relationship progresses she’ll probably want to change it of her own accord but no don’t ask her to.

It's a picture

I'm a widow and had my dh and I pic as my profile for ages

Even as I met someone

Later I did change my pic to me

Later still pics of new partner and I

Remember

The dead cant hurt you

No need to be jealous

They are never coming back

How long have you been with her ?

How old are her boys ?

I'm a widow. It wouldn't bother me if a new partner told me how they felt about the picture, but I'd want them to know that things like that are actually way more loaded than they seem on the outside. It can seriously upset other family members who may feel the person is being erased or forgotten. It can be really thorny to navigate this sort of thing, as I discovered that a widow tends to hold a fair few other people's emotions as well.

I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable, OP, and I think too many of the replies here come from the perspective of the woman you're seeing and don't try to imagine how it might feel to you.

A lot depends on how long you've been seeing each other, what you mean by moving things forward, and what kinds of conversations you've been having about the future. It also depends on her children's and wider family's attitude. Unless it's been a couple of years, and unless it feels really serious to you, I wouldn't expect her to have photos of you around the house. I've been in a relationship for more than 20 years and I don't have my partner's photo on display. I've got my partner: why would I need a photo? She has the added complication of sons and her late husband's family and their expectations and feelings. So I wouldn't be concerned at all that she's not got the house covered in pictures of you.

There is a woman on the outer edges of my social circle who says she is looking for a new relationship, attends events looking for a new partner, and has had opportunities, but talks all the time about her husband and is still clearly stuck in the life they had together. It's very sad for her: it's going to be a very long time before she's ready. I know one of the widowers who went out with her a few times. He came to the conclusion that what she was looking for was a man to mow the lawn and do DIY and take her to the supermarket in his car for a big shop once a week (the things her husband used to do) but nothing more. They are now friends and he helps her out, but I think he has felt a little rebuffed by the experience.

It fairly commonly takes five years before people started to feel they can move on. I'd wait till the fifth anniversary to see if she feels able to move on.

How long have you been in a relationship with her @NewmanintownRob?

@NewmanintownRob what profile picture would you approve of ? Maybe a fluffy kitten or a unicorn? photo of you? Please let us know what you think would be appropriate.

I'm sorry are you actually IN a romantic relationship with this woman? This sounds very similar to what my autistic family member writes about women that he convinces himself are his girlfriend but they aren't and where just being nice to him.

Things like 'However, trying to friend her on Facebook and get her starting to learn more about my family is challenging.' & 'I have a picture of her in my apartment and on my phone - she has no pictures of me in-home or on her phone. I’m trying to advance this to the next level ' are a red flag-y and weird.

How long have you been seeing each other?

It’s Facebook…not real life.

You could ask her, but it would but it would be a dickish thing to do.
Are you even "Facebook official"
It's all sounding a little silly in my opinion, you do realise Facebook isn't real life ?

I'd say that if a profile picture bothers you, then you're probably not the right person to date a widow.

You're never going to replace her husband, you'll be someone else she loves, alongside him

No you can’t do this. It’s not for you to police how she presents herself and certainly not to intrude on the memories of her dead husband.

For context as to how it should be: an old friend of mine lost his wife to cancer about 7 years ago. He still pays respect to her by posting on the anniversary of her birthday and his new wife of two years shares the posts and honours the memory of the deceased wife (whom she never met). That’s how it should be.

Dont force yourself onto a life that existed before you. Showing respect for this will get you a lot further.

OP you have given me the ick. 🤢

If you can't cope with your jealousy over her deceased husband, then dating a widow is not for you.

I can understand that, Erick. If they still post, it does give them a bit of protection from scammers who target widows and widowers. On the other hand, they may not bother with fb any more and don't think of it.

YABU. Two of my friends became widows very young, in their 20s, and a decade or so on they still have never changed profile pic or relationship status.

Your post comes over as a bit weird, op, at least to me. Maybe others understand your pov better.

I see nothing wrong with her having a photo of herself and her husband on her fb profile, she is not the only one to do it. I know someone who has her wedding photo there which was taken donkey's years ago and she's been widowed for several years. I've never given it a thought.

I also don't expect friends to have photographs of me, never mind my family! Why does it matter?

Please try and put this out of your mind and certainly do not suggest she changes her profile picture.

Some people don't change their FB photos ever, FB is not important to them.
I can think of at least 2 friends been on FB since the start and still have the same profile photo.

Rob, Mate, its up to her what picture she has on her FB profile or anywhere else.

If she’s not ready to move on I would just call it a day tbh. You can’t force her to move on if she’s not ready to.

None of your business. Massive over-step if you were to say it. What’s next? Her hair needs to be longer, her jeans are the wrong style?!