Is it reasonable to ask a woman to change her profile picture?

I just need to make sure I am not simply a replacement to fix things for her and date her. - and not be someone more than a dating friend

And her changing her FB profile picture will achieve that, naturally.

Okay.......................

If this was an ex from 4 years ago, who was still very much alive, people would be telling you to run for the hills.

Because it being a living ex would mean that one or both of them decided to end the relationship voluntarily, and that the ex would be out there in the world, possibly in a relationship with someone else.

She is a widow and a young widow at that. If her husband hadn't died, she would still be with him That would have been her first choice. You are her Plan B. I think that you really need to sit with that and see what feelings it brings up. If you want this relationship to "advance", you need get your head around the idea that you're not her first choice and there will always be a little bit of her that wishes she was still with her husband. Unlike after a divorce when it's quite normal to want to remove all traces, her husband's memory will be kept alive for her and her children and you will need to embrace that.

This 100%

You have only been with her a few months

It takes a lot to meet someone after a spouse has died

To trust them after having their heart broken

She will still love him

Doesn't mean she can't or won't love you

Snap @AcrossthePond55

You've only been dating a few months and you don't even know if she is looking for anything serious.

You say you've been seeing each other 'a few months'. To me 'a few' means more than 2 but less than 5. So if you've been seeing her less than, say, 6 months it's too early to talk about the future and WAY too early to be expecting her to change anything.

If I were to be widowed from my lovely DH I wouldn't change anything nor take down any pictures until and unless I was to make a serious commitment to a new relationship. And by commitment I mean engaged (with a ring), living together, or married.

Once you hit the 6 month mark, ask her what her 'intentions' are instead of letting it all spin round in your head.

"You know <insert name), we've been seeing each other for <insert time frame> and I really like you/being with you. Maybe we should talk about where we see this relationship going".

This is a great post

Your way of expressing yourself is extremely unclear, OP. She IS dating you, so would would she 'really not want to date any man'?

Are you trying to say you want to marry her, and you think she's not interested in getting married again, purely because she has a photo of her deceased husband on her FB profile?

To be fair, OP, I'm not sure I'd want to date someone who was superficial enough to be worried my FB profile didn't show me in the right light to satisfy his FB friends.

I wouldn't ask her to change the photo - I would ask about it in the context of dating you.

Don't mention it, and let her do it in her own time. Being with someone who has lost the love of their life tragically needs you accept there are currently 3 of you in this relationship - her, the memories of her husband and you. Your short relationship may turn into something special over the coming years, but it is too soon now, put your ego aside or let her be if you cannot let he deal with this in her own time.

But I also wonder sometimes if she simply is dating me, but really doesn’t want to date any man and just live her life the way it is.

I have no idea what you mean by this.

I would never think I’m breaking up with her about it, but I’m just trying to figure out if I should even approach it

No, you shouldn't. Ever.
It's her beloved husband, and he died.
She's going out with you.
Not changing her FB picture has nothing at all to do with the strength (or otherwise) of her feelings.

Nothing to stop you sharing pictures of the two of you on your facebook page as a way of sharing with friends and family.

Weird to think her profile pic needs to change after only a few months. Especially if you are first relationship since her husband died. The only way your far away friends will see her profile is if you tag her and they then have a nosey at it which is fine and nornal but she doesnt need to change her profile pic for that. If you dont want your friends seeing the pic dont tag her simply share what you are up to as you nornally would.

My family and friends think it is weird - some of them got remarried - that she simply wouldn’t change her photo to just herself

Good gracious.

They're remarkably insensitive, then.

It's none of their business what photo she uses.

Why are you even listening to them?

But how you use FB is completely irrelevant to what photo she uses as her FB profile.

Is what you're actually saying is 'She's showing me up in front of my extended family, friends and old military buddies by having a profile photo that includes her dead spouse''?

Seriously, OP, read that back and blush.

So, how long have you been together @NewmanintownRob ?

You would be massively unreasonable to ask this and if I were her I would immediately end the relationship.

You are not dating a divorced woman; you are dating a widow. They are not remotely similar. She almost certainly still loves her husband deeply. If you are not able to get your head round this and instead insist on comparing and competing with her husband for her affection, this isn't the relationship for you. It takes someone very special indeed.

Also, even if you have met, if you've only been together a few months, I think it's perfectly reasonable that she hasn't changed anything on her facebook. And as a pp said, things like that can be really loaded for extended family/friends/children.

Not if they've never met, which is what I think is going on here...

Goodness @NewmanintownRob

Your update makes you sound extremely insecure.

It sounds like you think that she can only be really committed to you if she takes down her FB profile picture.

That's very odd thinking on your part.

Just carry on seeing each other and dating. If it's going to end in marriage and commitment, you'll know soon enough.

I'm puzzled about your fixation with FB.

Have you actually met her?

You may find a conversation with this woman much more useful than analysing her Facebook profile