To say no, as I was an afterthought

I don’t understand either why you wouldn’t ask? Regardless that it doesn’t change the situation, you are obviously upset you were not included so to not ask is even more bizarre.

Ok, unless theres some important detail you've left out, ie you stole your sisters husband and family struggling to forgive this aberration etc

its of a pants thing to do, but sometimes so called grown ups never seem to leave family politics behind and are happiest meddling to ensure one member of the family is allways left out in the cold.

Personally, I wouldn't go but I would still politely challenge your Mum by asking if there was any particular reason you were not included in original invite?

Your oher sibling, not the one who clearly carries on the family tradition of being a maggot, whats their situation? Ie are they fairly straightforward and seen this type of family politics played out before and don't engage. If so, have a quiet word and just let them know you were a late invite - irs hurtful etc. They'll empathise and together you can communicate to prevent future occurrences

Only way to ever stop this behaviour is to not support it. Next family get-together check if everyone's invited, if not, why not...

Then take the fish approach to family.... great for 3 days before it all starts to go off....

Best of luck and remember, its their problem, not yours.

There is no point asking us, you need to ask your mum. But you're obviously not close to her if you can't ask her even a most basic anodyne straight forward question of why she didn't ask you before.

PS I’m a fan of this phrase:
”Is there a special reason why …?”
(we were not included in the booking)

followed by silence until I get an answer. If I really want to know.

I’d feel sad if that happened to me. Then I would make bread and bash the living daylights out of the dough.

My DM and DS used to do this a lot. Except I wasn't given an invite or choice if I wanted to go to places. Years later, I still feel hurt when I think about it.

If I was you I'd be pissed off too, so YANBU.

Ask her why in your words, you were “an after thought”.

If saying 'no' hurts yourself, and you want to go and would get something positive out of seeing your family, then it's worth making an effort to go despite the snub. Put these initial feelings of hurt aside. If it repeats, then you'll need to ask questions of why you weren't included in the plans from the start.

I didn't read this post. It's getting worse,just go along & stop the drama.

I would tell my mother & my siblings you are extremely confused about why you weren't included in the initial plan & see what they have to say. If there is a reasonable excuse I'd go along & put it out of my head.

I must admit I agree with this. I can totally understand why you feel pissed off, but people aren’t perfect and cock up without really thinking.

if you think told enjoy it, go.

I wouldn't cut off your nose to spite your face tbh. If you want to go just say so.. and directly ask why she hadn't thought to include you initially? It may be that she assumed you wouldn't be interested for some reason... I think it's best to find out what's actually gone on here before you decide to take offense.

No it's not 'loud and clear'!
Just ask her! At least it is an opportunity to get things out in the open - maybe she is harbouring some resentment you have no idea about! Like now you are harbouring resentment, and she may not realise!

indeed

but it’s a mumsnet thread afterall

ok so not even a fraction as bad as your first post would indicate

If you want to go and see your siblings then I would accept the offer but I would say that you were hurt by not being included in the initial planning and is there a reason for this.

Complex relationships in some cases but not bad.

My mum said it was only meant to be 1 sibling and his family and it kind of snowballed. Then my DD was invited as she lived just around the corner and doesn't have a father - she didn't realise I hadn't been invited just assumed I wouldn't have gone as I had a small baby. To be fair I probably wouldn't have but it still stung!

There's clearly a lot of backstory here.

I imagine a lot of it centers around the siblings unknown partner and OP not attending their wedding. Just a hunch.

My first question to my mum would have been, why didn’t you ask us when you booked?

and if you’re honest

what’s your relationship like with these people that a) you weren’t invited and b) they all wanted to go knowing you wouldn’t be there

Reminds me of the time my parents, all my siblings and even one of my own DC went out for a father's day meal but didn't invite me.

Not surprised you're hurt op.

I think you need to ask your mum why you weren't included from the beginning. Tell her it's making you reconsider your entire relationship with her and whether you want to make any more effort with her and your siblings going forward since you were clearly being excluded from a family Christmas dinner out for no obvious reason.

I'd do this. I wouldn't be tiptoeing around something so hurtful.

Coming up with potential excuses for not inviting someone without finding out whether those excuses hold water is just as hurtful.