Is this a massive red flag and should I just end it completely?

Whilst I think people can (and do) recover this might be too triggering for you - he's still fairly early stages

You're the most important person, it's what you feel comfortable with

Gosh you have sniffed each other out. Please run a mile you cannot try to rescue another alcoholic, it’s impossible and it will kill you. Especially as he is not abiding by the guidance of AA and his sponsor, he is not able to be trustworthy, yet, if ever.

I don't think he's done anything wrong. He doesn't owe you details of his medical/emotional history, at least not so early.

That said, you don't owe him a relationship. If you aren't comfortable then walk away now before you become too involved.

His Christmas party is his issue, not yours.

I would get out of the situation immediately. I agree with previous posters who say don't talk to new men about the problems you had with the guy before. I'm convinced that abusive men find women who have been abused before and see how far they can push them.

Everyone deserves a second chance, but it doesn't have to be you who gives it him.

If he's in AA he should be saying so immediately and trying hard not to drink at all, though he may not always manage. Someone who rings their sponsor once a week and continues regularly drinking is not dealing with their problem. Best let him go I'm afraid. Who cares about his work Christmas bash - it's less important than his health and your safety.

This!

Say no to the Christmas party now - de-link it from whether you continue the relationship so you have a clear head and aren't working to a deadline. Even if you decide you do want to stay with him, you can still not go.

The party seems a small thing, but positioned like you're letting him down and holding him back from going. So you say yes because you feel obliged and it's just one night isn't it, and you don't have much time to think. Then he introduces you as his girlfriend and suddenly you're tied in. It's now even harder to end things, and you don't want to embarrass him when he's just introduced you, he's maybe even suggested a meet up with some work colleagues you've just met next week.... and on it goes....

He had an opportunity to tell you about his alcohol issues when you opened up to him about your violent alcoholic ex - and didn't.
He is trying to manipulate you into going with him to the works Christmas party 'if I don’t go with him he probably won’t go'.

For those 2 reasons, whether or not he is currently able to control his drinking, I suspect this will not be a good relationship for you.

He is NOT a “poor guy” he has a problem that he needs to deal with himself.

My bad. I didn’t realise you could never drink in AA.

My perspective was that he seems to be able to control how much he drinks, in so far as OP hadn’t guessed he was an alcoholic.

One relationship with an alcoholic is more than enough for any person in a lifetime.

He has all the classic signs - he's both a liar and manipulative based on your posts.

Run.

"He says he understands but would still like me to go to his works Christmas party this weekend and if I don’t go with him he probably won’t go.". Asking you is fine, but saying that "he probably won't go" if you don't accompany him is a bit manipulative. I'd firmly dump him if I were you.

what is it with people and drink?

I would end it for this alone!!! Sadly OP you need to throw this one back.

Self awareness
Self Accountability
Commitment

So an alcoholic, who is socially drinking, whilst still attending AA, lying to their sponsor, not informing people they are a (recovering) alcoholic - instead brushing it off as "it's not a problem"

I don't see any awareness, accountability or commitment. I'm interested to see where you see it?

OP you already know how this works possibly the only bit of positive news from your awful, terrible marriage.
If he’s drinking, ‘speaking’ to his sponsor once a week and not going to meetings then he is not remotely sober, and shows no desire to be.
He knows about your past. At that point, he should have told you he was an alcoholic and actively drinking.
But he did what is clearly his way of living - putting his drinking, and then himself, first.
As for the Christmas party oh my word how did he cope before he met you?
Imagine the intro if you turned up…
Hi this is Soggy, such a wonderful woman. Sadly she was abused by her violent alcoholic ex. But now she’s met me I’m just a lying, selfish actively drinking alcoholic. But I haven’t hit her yet… she must think all her Christmases have come at once!
You are very vulnerable. Do not let this man have any more of your peace.

Get out now and as for the guilt tripping over him not going to the party, classic addict sign right there.

When you told him about your previous relationship with an alcoholic, you opened the door for the conversation he should have with you about his own addiction. Instead, he let you find out. That might have been an accident, or he might have let you see that on purpose.
His addiction is current, it isn't in his past, and its something that could affect your consent to being in a relationship with him. So he should have told you about it, taken responsibility and made himself accountable; and imo he should have done that before he visited your home.

But instead he's tried to guilt trip you into staying with him and going to an office party. So yes, that's a red flag. He's being manipulative and dishonest. He's still an addict in the grip of addiction.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with going to AA committing, in fact that's great. But going while lying and keeping drinking is a massively bad sign and would make me seriously question anything he says.

Where is the self awareness, self accountability and commitment from someone who has an alcohol problem but is continuing to drink?

Its not OP’s job to rehabilitate men with alcohol issues, especially men still in active addiction and continuing to drink. She is perfectly entitled to have a hard boundary on this to protect herself.

Yes, I would end this. Not just because of the concerns about alcohol but because him pressuring you to attend his work christmas party on the basis that he won’t go if you don’t accompany him is manipulative.

🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

It’s not for him to decide whether it’s ok for you or not. It sounds like you’ve had a really tough time and the fact you’re posting on here @SoggyRamen indicates that you know this isn’t ok.

He managed to go places and do things before he met you, so he can manage to go to the works Christmas do if you don’t go.

Listen to your gut feeling.

So you don't want to date someone with the self awareness, self accountability and commitment to fight an addiction? OK.