BF spending Thanksgiving/Christmas/Skiing Vacation with EXW and kids.

Nothing would change.

The frequent family holidays - roughly seven per year at up to four weeks at a time - are what he wants. If he was acquiescing to the arrangement there would be fewer holidays and for a shorter duration. The new family would fit in around the existing family and remain compartmentalised.

If this was the first year of dating done vacations were booked before you got together then I’d say suck it up but he is way too enmeshed with the ex. You may never get to spend Thanksgiving with him as he would be too busy taking ex, the kids and grandkids to see his parents.

If you were in his shoes, he would have dumped you. I assume that ex hasn’t had a partner either because it’s strange that a couple who have been divorced for years are taking so many vacations together. Does he pay for the vacations and sleep in the same room as ex?

What would happen if you were to have family with your BF?

Nah.

That wouldn't work for me OP and it doesn't work for you either.

It's like you're his mistress.

You will never be his priority.
You deserve better than this.
Walk away while you are still young enough to find someone else and have a family of your own.
He thinks he's some kind of hero, he isn't. He's spineless.

Interesting that so many assume this arrangement is being driven by the ex and OP’s BF is weakly going along with it. This despite the BF seemingly being so happy with the arrangement there are roughly seven holidays per year.

Jump ship OP. This situation is what your BF wants. He is showing you where his priorities lie.

He needs to give his head a wobble. It's not normal to go on holiday with your ex four times a year because a child has a dream of parents reuniting.

It must be very confusing for her. The patents need to make it obvious that this won't happen by taking separate holidays.

You've had the patience of a saint. If he's planning on continuing this way I think I'd bale out.

In your mind jump ahead .... his children are getting married and you are not invited. Then he has grandchildren and you are not allowed to see them.

His ex and daughter see you as the other woman and will never allow you into his life fully. I would just let this man go.

I don’t think he’s cheating on you or anything sinister like that, but I do think that he’s very weak. If you stay with him on this basis, the spoilt daughter will forever be calling the shots.

If you feel that he’s a good man, maybe give him a chance. Make it clear that the odd coffee with his ex is fine but that you won’t tolerate holidays any more. If he then continues with this behaviour regardless you can end it knowing you tried your best.

He’s happily putting your feelings behind those of everyone else and is trying to make it sound normal. You’re on your own, with no family around you, but he’s still leaving you lonely and going off with his ex and family. Is this really what you want from a relationship? All about what suits him?

You deserve much more than being bottom of the pile op. The exw clearly calling the shots divorce or no divorce. Stop being a mug here. Its not normal. Get yourself a dbf who puts you first.

My first thought is how inappropriate it is a 14 year old is dictating to all the adults. She's manipulating everyone.
What does she have to say about Ex wife's new boyfriend?

Jump ship Op, you're arranging your life around his exw and DC and that won't change for a few years at least. It's as if his divorce never happened and you're getting scraps of his time, your more like the other woman than his girlfriend

I think you have been extremely tolerant over your BF' s behaviour.
I'll be honest a lifestyle where people get so many holidays a year is outwith my life experience. And I don't understand how a 14 year old girl gets to dictate her father 's life and your life.
The thing I do understand is expecting you to be a bystander in his life and be available when it suits his schedule is just so disrespectful to you.
I would end the relationship.

Another vote for jumping ship here.
Don't waste any more time on him.

Youve wasted 2 years don't waste any more. I would maybe understand at a push one holiday a year but there is no need for the 7 holidays a year to include him. Madness. Do they sleep in the same bed during these trips?

I understand wanting a good Co parenting relationship. I have one with my ex. This Christmas I'm picking the kids up from my ex with my husband. We'll all have breakfast together, exchange gifts and then leave. That's as friendly as it needs to be.

Jump ship he won't give you what you need

agree.
also, do you want to have children? you sound considerably younger if you just finished residency. You bring a lot to the table and this guy doesn’t seem to take your feelings into account.

I can’t say if it’s normal or not but I’d jump ship. You deserve better and to be a priority.

I just wanted to say how very fair, balanced and insightful you are in your discussion of the situation, OP.

He might be trying to do an admirable thing but I don't think it's doing anyone any favours five years on. I think it's really good of you to be so accepting but I also think you deserve a boyfriend who is a bit more present in your own life.

Just end it. This relationship cannot grow. Give yourself a chance to meet someone who can/wants to spend holidays with you and build meaningful relationships that actually has future.

You are spending the best years of your life as a second class citizen. This is not normal (I say this as a stepmother of 28 years) and the fact that he is happy to leave you alone for all the holidays says it all. The man has no backbone and in trying to placate his ex and DC he has made you pay the price, not him. Turn the tables and take a nice long holiday to the UK over Christmas while you make your plans to leave him.

Do you know the sleeping arrangements when they’re away?

Jump ship asap.