Unhealthy lifestyle but can't change

THIS is how you do it OP. Exactly this.

Of course you can change.

You're a decade younger than me & I've changed over the last ten years.

I still smoke like a bastard though.

Obviously.

No, it doesn’t.

Think what you can add in, not take out. Wouldn’t you much rather have a lovely cheese omelette and cherry tomatoes for breakfast, or fruit and Greek yogurt with nuts than a yucky cereal bar?

Just start with that.

When you make one change, you realise that you feel so much better about yourself that you then have more motivation (and self love!) to make more changes.

It’s a cliche but see your body as a temple that deserves to be pampered and looked after and given all the most lovely things.

I used to drink quite a bit and was out of shape. I'm now gym fit with abs. I thought my decent body was lost years ago, but it turns out I'd just buried it under mountains of bad habits, beer and lack of self care.

I started by taking up yoga. I started with beginner friendly videos, more meditative and not very physically demanding. That's fine, it's about getting your body used to being in a certain space and taking that time for yourself, breathing and recharging. I started to actively look forward to it, which won't happen if you go hell for leather doing an enormous workout routine that your body is not yet equipped to do. If course you will dread it, it will be horrible lol.

I quit drinking. Not wholesale I still have the odd gin and tonic but only on a Sunday and not every weekend. I didn't miss it after a short while. I noticed I had more energy. I didn't wake up starving because the alcohol has messed with my blood sugar. I didn't say 'fuck it' because the beer had lowered my inhibitions, and decide to eat and entire pizza on my own or order take away. This added up fast. After about 2 months I started losing weight and I wasn't really doing anything else.

The weight loss made me feel good. As well as this new found energy. I decided to clean my diet up a bit. Started subbing out something unhealthy for something healthy. Eating smaller portions. Started to cut back on carbs, but not full keto. Eating less bread was the main thing after alcohol that was making me gain weight. I swapped while carbs for brown or high protein versions which are more filling, you can get protein wraps protein, pudding even protein pasta. Blood sugar was more stable so noticed I wasn't as hungry in general. Added fibre to diet because while protein is great and takes longer to digest etc, fibre is what will keep you feeling full. Started having more vegetables in my plate. Stopped eating fruit and sugary foods, I already didnt take sugar in tea and coffee but I cut back on other sweets drinks or drinks that were filled with empty calories.

Noticed big changes with this and my yoga had improved so I stepped up to intermediate, now taking that time to ask my body to do a bit more. The poses were hard. I hadn't yet learned how to balance and I lacked the strength to hold the poses for any meaningful time but that was the point it was all a practice.

Invested in a treadmill. I didn't run. I hate running. Did fast walking for 20 minutes every other day. Got into a routine with both the yoga and the running.

Went to the pub and realised I actually felt a bit sick from just 2 drinks and that I'd be too wobbly to do my yoga, and realised I'd actually have rather stayed in and kept my routine. I was shocked as I used to be the first person at the pub as soon as anybody even suggested it.

Started to up my my game. Bengan hiit on treadmill so fast walk then run then fast walk again. Cardio developed quite quickly.

Yoga was the main thing and for me way better. It somehow made me mentally feel stronger and more capable. It got rid of a lot of stress and I feel funny even now if I don't do it. Started to get actually quite good at it and was surprised how much flexibility and muscle returned. Began doing power yoga and advanced yoga. Sometimes twice a day. Started to run outside - which I still hate.

Started serious dieting (which I won't bore you with here as you don't need it), cutting, watching my macros etc. and revealed that I'd done a shockingly good job of transforming my body.

The whole thing sort of snowballed and I'm very happy with itm it took probably a year and a bit to get where I am now, but instead of having an end goal of being like this, I was just happy that I was achieving at each level, happy with each improvement. That really helped as it meant in the moment I felt good. I felt positive about continuing. I didn't set myself harsh targets like lose 3 stone by Christmas, before next year's holiday or something other occasion which is never going to work and will just lead to feelings of shame and failure all round. Started to count calories through this but wasn't militant with it. If I went over one day, instead of being upset and throwing in the towel I'd count the calories over the week, and know that as long as I was careful tomorrow and the day after I'd still be under in those 7 days. That really helped me get back on the horse and stay on track. Before that when I'd tried to diet I'd make one mistake or have a shocking two days (usually when very stressed or busy) then write the whole thing off as if I'd failed. Rinse and repeat. The actual way to improment is consistent effort, every day. All the times before when I'd failed at diets I'd also not given it long enough. You need to diet and exercise for a minimum of 6 weeks to see results and probably 4 months to look in the mirror and really notice a change. It's a long term goal, but it doesn't require long term thinking because the only moment you control is the right now, so just do what you can in the moment and you will get there.

Bad habits stack and so do good ones. If you do 3 things that day you didn't want to, eg eat some junk food for lunch, followed by a coffee with cream and sugar and 6 biscuits, it's easy to say well I might as well just drink the gin and watch TV later in the day, in the mindset that you have already failed. But if you have made healthy decisions through the day and given yourself the deserved pat on the back for doing it, it's easier to say I don't drink tonight, I'll go on that walk, I'll do 15 minutes of yoga etc. these things are like feelings, they have a roll on effect.

If you live with somebody who is unsupportive you need to make this your thing, independent of them. This is done by you for you, they don't matter. If they seem unhappy about it then it's literally just jealousy that you can succeed where they have failed. You don't need their help or approval to control what you do in a day.

I got like that after having ds in my 40s.

I started with a meal plan. No major change, just adding a veg or salad to every meal. It takes less than two minutes to put lettuce tomatoes & cucumber in a bowl, or microwave some peas & broccoli. Add a satsuma or pear to your cereal bar breakfast.

Once I'd got used to that, I started running. Hilarious at first because I hadn't done anything since school. I was hopeless. I tried to do c25k and ended up doing gateposts. I started by jogging as far as I could, then the next time, tried to run one or two gateposts further. Any progress, even an extra 3 metres was a win. It took me a year to manage 5k. Now I can run 10k without too much trouble.

Don't expect miracles, but persevere. If it doesn't happen one evening, just move on. Everyone has off days.

My god OP. I could have written your post word for word. In fact this afternoon I had a rant about all of this to my husband.

I can’t help you. I’m following with interest in the hope that I can help myself. But you are absolutely not alone. Honestly. It’s uncanny.

Look at the low carb bootcamp threads on here. The LC lifestyle definitely got me out of a very similar rut to you’re in. If you follow the bootcamp rules (there’s one going at the moment which is more than half way through, but you can still access all the info and just start now), the first 2 weeks are a strict total carb detox and that includes no booze. And after a couple of weeks you can reintroduce alcohol, as long as it’s of the LC variety, but 2 weeks might be all you need to break the habit. The good thing about it is that you lose weight fast, and once you are seeing results it makes you want to not undo your hard work. Honestly, give it a go, absolutely life changing.

I am never good with small changes, it doesn't make me feel any different so I don't stick to it. I need a major health kick that makes me feel different and starts showing results. Something like completely cutting out sugar, alcohol and UPFs for a week, and then scaling up to something more manageable.

100% this!

I love cooking haha! And you're so right about the booze.

I love herbal teas, but also just a nice fizzy water with cucumber. Or those Seedlip bottles to replace gin! They're so tasty and you can do all kinds with them. Kombucha is an acquired taste but that's delicious too, and tbh even the non alcoholic wine if you're craving can be good. Some of the fizz I think is nice with orange juice and lemonade. Still calories, yes, but it'll be less and you tend to stop after one or two!

And salads. Forget the traditional British lettuce cucumber and tomato salad. A good salad is delicious: cooked green beans, broad beans, peas; grated carrots and celeriac; celery, fennel, beetroot, big tomatoes, sticks of cucumber, rocket, romaine, watercress, lambs’ lettuce, pickle gherkins or onions, chutney, peppers, olives, radishes, mooli, kohlrabi, shredded white cabbage, sweetcorn, tinned artichokes and kidney beans . . . Put plenty of olive oil on it. Have ham and two kinds of cheese or smoked salmon or eggs and tuna. Take time over preparing it and eating it because you deserve it!

It’s not all or nothing.

It’s adding a banana at breakfast. Replacing one crisp snack with an apple. Making one bottle of water to drink. Parking at the back of the car park. Etc etc etc

First post nails it. Just as @BeasBees said start small.

Quit the booze first. Swap it for something non-alcoholic served in wine glass if you’re struggling to stop.

Carbs won’t fill you much. This is something that actually makes you feel bloaty. Tackle one meal at the time. There’s excellent section of low carbing on MN,not just good for the weight loss but also for healthier eating with lots of recipes.

Love your diet @GiddyRobin

Consistency. Start with the alcohol. As you get into peri-menopause you may struggle with tolerating it anyway.

Don’t think in terms of what you can’t eat. Plan nice meals that you know you’ll enjoy and remind yourself when y feel like snacking that you’re going to have a lovely lunch or dinner. Have your gin and tonic but make it one shot and a small glass of tonic.

I used to be like you. I changed now. Because i dont want to die young and leave my kids by themselves!. I found acting lazy and have bad lifestyle its very selfish for me because i dont think of the future. I want to live long to see my kids getting bigger and have grandchildren. So i started joining gym, diets and have a better lifestyle now

Might be completely left field here but get a dog? It gets you moving and out and quickly becomes routine

There's loads of food you can make that's nice, but still healthy! Recently I made (copied from my post on another thread!):

Shakshuka with crusty bread, olives and feta. Salad.

Ful medames with a salad, pitta breads, hard boiled eggs and olives.

Salmon with tenderstem broccoli, soft roasted leeks, roasted butternut squash, and a creamy dill sauce.

Homemade cod and herb fishcakes on a bed of spinach with crusty bread, salad, and roasted chantenay carrots and beetroot.

Homemade roasted pumpkin and sage soup.

Two types of homemade curry; king prawn and a chickpea and spinach one. Rice and papadams, yoghurt, mint and cucumber dip.

Baked sweet potatoes stuffed with (cooked) tomato, spinach, tahini, spring onion and sharp cheddar. Salad on the side.

It's just a habit. You can do so much with veg, we made cauliflower steaks the other day drizzled and roasted with tahini, served with quinoa with veggies (would have been couscous if I wasn't coeliac 🙄) like peppers, courgette, a smoked paprika cream sauce and asparagus. Bloody lovely!

I get up and do about an hour and a half of cycling and yoga. I've built up, obviously, but just start slow! It's not a race!

I'm another one saying add don't remove.
Pick something you would enjoy.
If you are super sedantry don't aim for 10000 steps, aim for 5000. After a month increase it, or if you hate it, replace with something else (I like a swim, others like a class or yoga on YouTube - but once a week to start).
Make it fun - aim to try something new every week or month - walk round a resovior or try a new food.
Put some veg or beans on your plate every dinner time!

Its exactly that. Doing it that way completely removes the sense of deprivation because your carby treat is still right there waiting for you and no one's saying you have to have the salad instead. Just first. In the process you're spoiling your appetite for the usual stuff, adjusting your palate to healthy foods and associating healthy foods as alleviating your hunger. Youre boosting your nutrition and health and youre coming at it from a positive place of giving to yourself rather than withholding.

I have been beating myself up about my unhealthy ways for around 20yrs. Change is really hard but not impossible, start small and piggy back good habits, it's easier to look after yourself when you kids are more independent though.

I'm afraid I would tackle the alcohol - partly because it's a depressant. So you feeling low is what it's designed to do.

If you move to a point where you have tonic instead of G&T 5 or 6 nights a week, you'll have made a significant change which protects your body, your mental health and even cuts your calories a bit ( plus you might smack a bit less, I always nibble far more when I've had a drink). Good luck.

Following as your lifestyle is so similar to mine (except I go for wine rather than G&T!)

I like the idea from PP of having salad before meals, this sounds doable for me.

I may get a veg delivery, but I'd hate to waste it :/

Unfortunately you just have to do it. People think you start off with motivation but actually I think that motivation comes with just doing it even when you don't want to. I think about 'the person I want to become' if I want to change something. So for example, 'the person I want to become would floss everyday' and now I floss everyday.

Could you do things really slowly? Like - for 2 weeks I'll only drink 2 night a week, then for 2 weeks one night a week etc. Mark it off on a calendar or something. Give yourself a visual reminder that you can do it.