Unhealthy lifestyle but can't change

You don't have a lot of time so it's unrealistic to think that you will get up early or out in the evening to go to the gym or do you tube exercise videos.
Is there anyway you can build walking into your daily work routine? Get off the bus a couple of stops early and/or go out for a walk at lunchtime? Every little really helps and the fresh air and sunshine ( well maybe not at this time of year) should help you to feel more positive. Also invest in a good multivitamin and mineral tablet, your diet is probably lacking in important nutrients.

I will prob get flamed for this, but op you want a short cut that works with zero effort?

Weight loss injections.

They are now trialling them to support those with alcohol dependency. Not only will your appetite be greatly reduced but also most can’t face alcohol either, you could nail both issues over night.

Once you have stopped, you can then start to add in healthy food and exercise. If you want a swift and instant plan this is probably it.

I also recommend alcohol free gin! I love a gin and tonic but can’t drink much alcohol for health reasons and I’ve found 0% Tanqueray and Gordon’s to be very convincing. But I also love a nice tonic and fresh lime! It still provides the feeling of ritual / a treat for me without the alcohol.

Re eating, start small and achievable maybe? I used to eat buttered toast for breakfast (delicious but not filling), I switched to Greek yoghurt, blueberries and granola or nuts & honey. Filling, easy to put together and tastes like a blueberry muffin! Make sure you get Greek yoghurt though as it has far more protein and is more filling. It also has more fat but the low fat versions compensate with sugar so I’d avoid those.

I also recommend the ‘Roasting Tin’ cookbooks by Rukmini Iyer for easy, veg-packed dinners that are super simple to prepare.

On the exercise, what about starting with a lunchtime walk - through a park if you have one nearby - and maybe a Yoga with Adriene YouTube video before bed?

good luck OP x

Yes, you need to make changes but what is your goal? Fitness, health, figure?

I'll be honest OP, I love chocolate but I've had to cut it back to barely anything to lose the last few pounds. Yes, it's a bit joyless, but I love the feeling of fitting into my jeans more. That's easy to say though because I'm at the top of the mountain. You're at the very start. So yu need to work out what motivates you. Perhaps if you skip takeaways you could use the money for something you'd never normally buy due to cost or maybe set a number of units of alcohol per week and stick to that, whether its all in one day or a month.

You do need to be realistic though or yyou'll feel worse about yourself for no reason.

Realistically, I'm a size 12 and I don't exercise. I barely leave the house most days. Consequently I don't eat breakfast, I snack on rice cakes at lunch and eat low carb meals like salad, soup or curry without rice for dinner most nights and i literally drink 3 or 4 times a ear and even then that's only a few drinks. Thankfully dinner is always full of flavour but I know its most peoples idea of hell but for noe, whilst im not exercising, that is the cost of doing my best for my health. Obviously as my kids grow up I'd like to be way more active. My point is, this might be what your life needs to look likenif you have the expectation of a lifestyle overhaul. Otherwise just make smaller changes and feel good about them in their own right. A little of what you fancy and ditch the guilt. A walk without your phone for mindfulness, a takeaway from the noodle place instead of the Chinese, making a meal at the weekend with the mindset that you're going to enjoy it and it's a fun activity.

I do empathise. I literally can't make myself get an early night and I feel totally powerless about it, even though ots within my control and so I really beat myself up about it. Other times I decide I just won't feel bad about it. The actual bedtime result is still the same but I try not to berate myself. Try to find ways of doing things that make you happy.

I don't love cleaning but I do love to stick on some headphones and listen to an old show that I don't need to see the screen for so I do that while I clean and the kids are in bed or at the weekend while dh does something with them. It's never my first choice if I can read instead with some chocolate and a coffee but the hardest part is always making the decision to do the boring thing. It's why, when I am eventually back into my exercise regime, I book activities when I feel motivated so I can't just not show up when I feel knackered on the day. Can you try that? Book a few evening things to get out-of the house after a few drinks on a sunday when you feel upbeat so that you have to follow through on those plans on Tuesday and Thursday? Or perhaps book a local course?

Start small, start making one or two things your routine. Then stick to them religiously.

Getting fit and getting healthy is about slowly building the routine of a healthier lifestyle that will last years, not going full pelt at intense gym sessions or fad diets.

You don't have to cut out everything unhealthy that you enjoy. When I took up running, I was in my mid-20s and had basically never exercised in my life. I liked parties and I liked food and I didn't want to stop those things, so I started with exercise to counter-balance them. I could barely run 5 minutes without keeling over. But I forced myself to get out there once a week, and it was the most incredible feeling to slowly but surely get better and better.

Once you start seeing and feeling results, it all tends to snowball, as PP have said. I've also found myself in a pub drinking soft drinks because I had a long run scheduled the next day and wouldn't be able to do it even mildly hungover. Couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth.

I think in your position I'd start with three things:

-A exercise routine. Keep it simple and it doesn't have to take much time. Plenty of home workouts, couch to 5k etc out there. Even just doing 10 x press-ups and 10 x sit-ups every couple of days. Just get the sweat going and heartrate up.

-Cut down the booze. I wouldn't try to quit totally straight off the bat but booze every night is too much, even in my wildest party days I didn't do that. Go for twice a week and make it a treat.

-Add some regular fruit or veg to your meal routine. Swap the cereal bar for a banana, or once a week do a veg-heavy dinner instead of a carb-heavy one.

Those are the foundations, the easy little switches you can make. You can take it from there depending on your preferences. But the important thing is to make those things a routine that you do on autopilot without thinking. It will snowball!

@Lammveg I agree with you. Once we start doing something that's where we gain momentum. Even if it's just one small thing at a time like putting your running shoes on.

Water down the gin, just keep topping up with water. You won’t notice it, but will immediately lower your consumption without any effort.

Choose one night a week - Monday - and stock up on something tasty to drink, and make it an alcohol free night. Keep distracted with a hot bath, and then some Christmas jobs. Increase by one night a week until you have got to 3/4 or whatever number is best for you. It’s mostly habit, rather than addiction. You can then use the time to do something genuinely joyful for yourself.

You are walking around with a poisoned body. Of course you feel dreadful. A body that is starved of love and attention.

This is where I would start. The rest: motivation, better sleep and food choices will spring with renewed energy.

Totally agree with this.

Exercise is just one of those things that has to be done, like buying food or washing clothes. I think too many people wait to be "motivated" and then complain that they never actually do anything.

I kind of see cooking healthy meals in the same way - I don't particularly love it but I do it because I know I'll regret it in the future if I don't, and over the years I've learned to make it bearable and to find recipes I like.

Unfortunately, like with many things in life, what's good for us isn't necessarily what's enjoyable or fun - but you just have to get on with it, just like you have to get up for work in the dark in winter or do housework before bed.

I've seen friends and relatives living in agony because they refused to tackle their bad diets and their drinking habits. You don't want to spend your sixties on the sofa because you're too unfit to walk to the shops, or with neuropathy in your feet because your diabetes is so out of control - believe me. I’ve seen it happen and it is awful - both for the person who is unwell and their friends/relatives.

I’ve given myself a fibre target of 30g it means I have to eat a lot more veg and fruit so I’m adding instead of taking away. Breakfast is 2 tablespoons of chia seed in hazlenut milk with berries which is 14g fibre (you stick the seeds and milk in a bowl the night before). I add on a cup of peas or broccoli, to whatever I’m eating, eat guavas etc.

I think try to add something rather than take something away. It’s easier to do and less stressful.

I would also just try to embed one habit first before you tackle another one. i would try to have a few booze free nights, my sleep is shit after drinking and it makes everything worse.

Swap the g&t for herbal tea once kids are in bed. It's the same ritual to mark the end of the day but feels better.

@Anotherparkingthreadthank you, you’ve inspired me to so a nice easy yoga video today. I used to be really into fitness and working out and I think that is why I keep failing post children to get fit because I immediately jump into advanced Pilates workouts then dread them and ache for days and then after a couple weeks stop altogether.

Change seven things:

-no alcohol until Christmas (then in NY go down to having a drink one or two nights a week)

-go to bed at same time as your dc two nights a week

-go veggie three nights a week

~walk three lunch times a week at work

-eat a boiled egg for breakfast three
mornings a week

~drink at least four glasses of water a day minimum

~buy yourself a nice lunch box set and a soup maker and make salads/drink soup at lunch time

I agree with all the previous posts about layering in small healthy habits.
My easiest layer is "drink more water"

I like the "eat 30 plants in a week" target. It includes vegetables, fruits, grains, herbs and spices and is good for adding variety and flavour to food.

Smaller plates help with manging portion size.

Increase movement in small steps. Add another 1000 steps to what you normally do or 10min workouts. Build a regular habit of moving more rather than blitzing and burning. Build up gradually.

The only thing I would strategically take out is most of the alcohol because of its effects on sleep, mood and energy. There's so much more range of interesting substitutes now.

This is how I look at it as well.

I know people say "pick something you enjoy so it's not a chore" but I'm never going to really love exercise.

But I thought, well hang on, I don't wait for loads of motivation to clean the bathroom, or do laundry, or whatever it is. I just do them. I don't hate doing it, nor do I enjoy it. I just do it because it's got to be done, and when it's done I'm glad I've done it. That's how I am with exercise.

You are using food and alcohol as the comfort/joy in your days. I do it too which is why it’s so hard to change! I do it too

I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in a long time while I was there. I wasn't really into it if I'm honest but this morning I've woken up with that familiar ache from using the muscles to lift weights which I love I'm going to go again today, but rather than try and do everything in an hour I'm just gonna do 25 minutes or so. I'm going for little enough to keep the momentum. Do you like the gym at all?

Also, I recently got hypnotized (bear with me!) to deal with my sugar addiction. I was scarfing down so much junk in the evening.

They got me to rethink "it's a treat."

It isn't a treat. It's a punishment; as it makes me feel awful afterwards!

If you can reframe your alcohol and junk food this way, it really helps!

Motivation is a red herring in my opinion.

I very very very rarely feel motivated to exercise. If I waited to feel motivated, I would never do it.

So I basically just do it, I have accepted I won't necessarily look forward to it or want to do it.

But the benefits to my mental and physical health are huge.

As Nike would say: just (fucking) do it!

I started f45 a year ago and it is life changing . I also run. I have a very demanding full time job and a child.

Weekend mornings are crucial, can you get your DH on childcare duty?

I really agree that saying you're going to do something you know you won;t is just a recipe for downward spiralling. My top tip is buy posh tonics with interesting flavours and make them up with ice and a slice or two. You won't even notice the absence of gin if its a good flavour. Fevertree and London Tpnics do some great ones.

Cheat.

Get a healthy meal delivery service.

Don't pay for alcohol and takeaways and you'll be able to afford it.

Two birds with one stone.

Quitting alcohol is definitely the best start.

You can make changes OP. It’s about making new habits.

Good luck.

I would start with the alcohol first. You will feel better in yourself without it and that will kickstart the motivation for everything else.

I went to alcohol free wine instead months ago just because I love wine and I don't like how gross I feel the day after a glass or two. I can get up easier in the morning, I do not feel as anxious, my thinking is clearer. I was suprised how I still feel relaxed making a non alcoholic drink.

Food I would up the protein and veg parts. Protein makes you feel full. Make a choice to begin with to cook decent stuff on the weekend when you haven't got work and you can make it a joint effort with the husband or even little ones can join in. If you have the energy to make extras then save for the monday and have at work or for tea the next day. Nuts are a great snack and source of good fats and protein. This way you can find recipes and get them in your brain so its not as taxing to make them on a weekday in the future. We always cook enough to have another portion for lunch. So breakfast is simple or like an oat pot with seeds yoghurt etc, and only one prep has gone into lunch and tea.

Exercise, start small again, if you preferred pilates or yoga you could get youtube up on the tv and start of once a week. If you like weights lots of people sell second hand on marketplace and you could start off with a mini work out, no pressure on your back with once a week and then up it if you want to. Find a time where it doesn't crumch into you time and it makes it feel like a chore. I currently have injuries so the only exercise I have is my physio exercises and I do see the difference not having my little workouts on my mood.

If you start small or start with one thing, thats progress. I always felt I need us to have bottle of wines in at the weekend to relax and often felt I needed a glass of wine to relax after work and then I needed the alcohol free ones in and now I don't care much for them or think about it, it is possible but weird to start with.

Exercise wise see it as I will do five minutes if I don't like it I can do something else, you trick yourself into starting and once you get going you will want to carry on, initiating doing it is the hard part.

You will be fine x

Personally, I would focus on upping your protein, which will make you feel nice and full compared to all the insulin spikes you'd be getting from cereal bars and snacking. Also, after 35 we start to lose muscle which slows our metabolism and makes us more fragile. All of us should be concerned about maintaining our muscle mass as best we can.

There are online calculators that will help you work out your ideal protein and calorie needs. I'd bet my bottom dollar you're eating too low in protein leaving you hungry and eating lots of empty calories.

I would do something like:

Breakfast:
-Eggs and bacon medallions, maybe some turkey sausages.

• Greek yoghurt/high protein nautal yoghurt with nuts and berries.
• Porridge.

Lunch and dinner is based on some sort of protein source with loads of veg. I feel and look much better if I have proper lunches, so chicken curry, chicken/fish and veg with a little carbs/bolognase etc rather than something like soup or a sandwich which isn't going to fill me up for long.

Weight training is also excellent for building and maintaining muscle. Even doing body weight exercises will help.

Walking will melt the fat off so long as your calorie intake is reasonable. I built up to 70k steps over the week (much more flexible and easier to achieve than 10k a day). Break them up into little goals, so maybe 3/4k steps before lunch, 3/4k before dinner and the rest in the evening etc. Going for a walk while listening to a podcast or chatting to a friend on the phone is good, or even getting stuck into the housework. If you're moving about you're also less likely to drink.

I saw decent results by myself for about 6-9 months but recently got a PT and the transformation has been amazing.
Twice a week I batch cook a big curry/chili/bolognase and weigh it all out to store it. I know this sounds like a lot of faff but it's genuinely amazing not having to think about what to eat 3 times a day because it's all just sitting there ready. Portion control is key .

I'm mid 30s and very aware that peri-menopause is likely just around the corner. I want to get myself in shape to try to weather it as best I can and maintain my health and mobility long term.

There's a lot in there and all of the changes I've made have bee over the last year, with the PT only happening a few months ago.

I would start with increasing the protein in your breakfast, trying to increase your steps and gradually reducing the drinking.

Its just a really hard things to change. It starts with adapting your routine.
Get up early and start with 15 mins exercise. Then 20 the 30 until it's becomes a daily habit.
I'd also change the breakfast. I have a smoothie in the morning which is either a banana and milk with almond butter or frozen fruit and some yoghurt. It's really easy and filling. Once I've started my day like this it's like start right and don't then want to eat crap.
Also by getting up early your evenings become shorter so less time to drink.
It is just a hard thing to do and I'd say most people want to change one thing, for me I'm wanting to stop vaping. But cannot think of how.

OP, I am you - except I am 10 years older than you. It is very hard with small kids and work and life .:. But you can make changes. It’s worth it.

I cut down the alcohol first - alcohol-free gin and slimline tonic might work for you. But personally I just switched to other lovely drinks - cranberry with sparkling water, lime cordial, ginger beer.

Then diet. I started meal planning and make sure that I factor in lots of fruit and veg. I switched up breakfast by adding a gut—friendly yoghurt and then swapping the cereal bar for a banana or wholemeal toast with marmite (okay, not perfect - but I’m not a saint).

And then finally the exercise. I started with things I can easily do: cycle with the kids for 30mins or take them swimming (not very hard work but still movement). Then I moved on to gardening - being more active round the garden helps a lot and is productive and the kids will come and bounce on the trampoline while I do my digging or whatever. And then I realised that I still needed more exercise so I picked my favourite easy thing - swimming.

It was hard at first and I failed over and over, but now I swim 4 x per week, there is a 6am pool session so I can do it before the kids are awake. I’m on a rest day today, but I still wake up at 5.20 so I’ll be up soon doing meal prep and chores.

I am not perfect, I still eat too much, I still eat crisps (argh). But it’s definitely true that you can make small changes and you just have to keep starting again when you fail.

The little successes feel good - when I choose to have sliced cucumber instead of a biscuit.

Unsurprisingly the impossible changes are the ones you hate - I could not jog, for example. But when you find a change you enjoy you can find it easier to resume when you fail. So, I really enjoy batch cooking curry and soup - I can pack them with beans and lentils. When the kids share a pizza, I will eat a few crusts to satisfy the desire to scoff it, and then I’ll eat something I like alongside - usually a pile of tomato and balsamic salad with a crusty brown roll.

You don’t have to worry about being rubbish at making these changes.

Oh and I bought control pants! Having everything squeezed up helps me feel less hungry 😋