Boyfriend staying out all night when we have a baby

No idea why you’re laughing..

Didn’t comment on the fact he doesn’t care about his baby all day though when he can’t be bothered to contact you.

You will be split up within a couple of years. Sad life for a child but it was bound to happen when you date a man child.

He is completely selfish and unreliable. I would speak to him, give him opportunity to change his ways (maybe) and if not, leave. He is disrespecting you and your child. If you're doing it all alone anyway, then might as well not have a man-child to look after at the same time!

@Astronomer13
So how many times have you been out since your baby was born?

He hasnt grown up. He's a boy, not a man.

What’s your age got to do with anything ? Except prove that you should have been old enough to know better then to have a baby with poor father material.

So as someone who does this myself 🙈😂 I can tell you why I do it and it might help understand your DHs behaviour. I am so highly strung and on top of life all the time. House / kids/ holidays etc so when I go out I just want to be free and forget and not have responsibilities. I know my DH has control at home of the kids and it’s my time to be free. I’m always out with my mum or school friends and we become kids again and drink far too fizz and chat for hours and sometimes dance in a pub. It’s like feeling young again. I used to give a time to DH when I would be home but it would make me feel like I was on a deadline if I was enjoying myself so I stopped and said I’ll be back on life / duty at 1 pm tomorrow . Now , more often or not would be back by midnight but I did it so I felt free.

It’s the same with DH I say I’ll see you tomorrow have fun! Then I let him lie in and recover. (Agin sometime not practical as we have kids rugby, social arrangements etc) . His and my phone would die so we put find friends on, he knows where I’m going and who I’m out with and that’s it really.

Make sure you go out - if he goes once a month you go as well.

Honestly I’d just acknowledge when he goes out that he’s going to be late home and then get on with your night in that knowledge rather than you both pretending you think he’ll be home in time for dinner. I don’t think his phone dying is even a particularly huge deal really: people managed for centuries without having a means of constant contact with everyone they knew, and all was generally fine. Arrange your own nights out with your friends on the same terms.

Except when he fucks off and doesn’t contact you all day and doesn’t give a crap how the baby is then? Yes, great dad material.

and no a ‘typical man’ isn’t terrified of changing a nappy.

This.

Too late for OP but perhaps can serve as a cautionary tale for others. It can work out but it often doesnt. Take your time.

Choosing a mother /father for your child should be a big deal.

And yes OP he is out of order going AWOL and not being clear about when he will return. Can I ask how old you both are? I’m assuming late 20s/early 30s?

This is why you don’t have a kid with someone you have only been with for a few months.

Another child with broken parents.

Who is feeling trapped here? Not the out-with-his-mates boyfriend.

I said he should check in.

The op can I'm sure arrange something if she wanted

No, everything is not great, is it?

I don't think a night out once a month is excessive. Obviously it's annoying for him to say he'll be home at a certain time and then not get home til much later. Just tell him you won't expect him til late and you'll be in bed so don't disturb you when he comes in. Can you express some milk and build up a freezer supply so you can leave him with baby and have some nights out yourself? It's good for both of you to get out and have a bit of child free time!

And for balance...my dh was pretty useless when we had our first baby. He had no experience and felt very out of his depth so I did the majority of the baby stuff.

But he supported me in other ways - cooked meals, cleaned the house, did the shopping. He certainly didn't go out on the piss and stay out all night once a month.

Don't really think it's ok to go awol in any relationship (unless it's a one off/emergency/phone died type of thing) but to do it so often when you have a small baby and partner at home is very immature and selfish.

Fully agree! They are not tied to each other and can have a life. Or this is where relationships fall apart as people feel trapped.

Going awol when you have a baby is a big deal yes.

When does op get a break?

Does he pull his weight with the baby when he's actually there op?

If it’s only once a month - I don’t see the problem? As long as he’s not spending money you need etc You both need a life and to enjoy yourselves. If trust is a problem then that’s a separate issue.

I regularly go for weekends away, nights out etc and my DH can do the same. He also works away with work a lot. I look after the kids when he’s gone and he does when I am. We are fantastic parents and have a great marriage as we have that freedom so never feel tied down or controlled.

When my second was 8 days old DH had to go to Dubai (where he’d worked for 8 years but flew home at weekends) for 3 weeks- I just cracked on. And had an older child I had to take to school etc. dogs to walk, house to run.

He should have his phone in though in case something happens and you need him so that’s not cool.