to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

I do not care if you send your children to a state or a private school.
I do think boarding schools are bad for children, unless their home life is abusive or really shitty.
There is a lot of evidence that institutional care is bad for children. It is why the state moved from children's homes to using foster families wherever possible. Children do far better when brought up within a family.
And if it was working class people mainly using boarding schools, they would already have been banned for the sake of the children. It is because it is rich people using them that it is still allowed.

Which is quite clear that the school do not give a fuck about the local community except to hit the qualification for charitable status. After all there is zero reason to reduce use of sports facilities by outsiders.

And Eton is part of Eton Community Association who establish and run many local projects. These would happen anyway.

Speaking from experience, day pupils (and boarders) are given a relentless narrative that pushes independence, separation from parents and 'all the fun you could be having if you boarded'.

Speaking from experience, with children at a school where there are more boarders than day pupils, this is not at all what we’ve experienced. At no point have we, as parents, or the children as day pupils, felt that we are being encouraged to go down the boarding route. To be honest, they don’t need to do this as the boarding houses are full anyway. Everyone (parents and children) see that both day and boarding has their own advantages and disadvantages.

I think many schools in the past state or private had a bad reputation. The past is the past.

@StandingSideBySide I'm not looking into it these days but there was certainly a lot when DH joined the military.

If you look at the research piece I posted carried out by an independent body you will see there is not a lot of evidence.

You’re quite right of course re use of facilities, scholarships, burseries and exhibitions.
Our school started lowering the numbers substantially as soon as there was a wif of Labour getting in.
They also no longer offer free music tuition, use of sports facilities and all sorts.

This policy has pitted one against the other and is making private schools far more elite.

Except it's something you clearly know nothing about apart from the occasional bad headline. It's like saying "you are all going to die as soon as you get on a plane" because the occasional headline highlights times when planes go down. And it does make me angry because you are making such judgements on such things with such little knowledge and not only keeping it yourself, but supporting people who are inflicting those policies on others because it serves their purpose. As I said previously, they can't "get" the public schools through the wallet, so make it more taboo. Set parents up against parents. Does their job for them.

There's a lot more evidence that boarding school is harmful to children than there is aviation travel, actual research, not headlines. Yet again with your mental gymnastics, there comes a point where you come across defensive and it undermines your position. You also have been told a couple of times now to stop conflating private and boarding, I have few opinions on private school it's not something I get get up about, and what I do have is political, boarding school is a parental discussion, more serious in my view, it's not about divide and rule, firstly you'd be rather outnumbered due to the small number of you. Thankfully.

Indeed. Private schools are businesses and parents are paying customers. That has benefits and disadvantages, and yes they may prioritise fee income over children's best interests in some circumstances so it's up to parents to assess whether what they are offering is actually in their children's best interests.

But state schools also have their own agenda in many cases, and the focus isn't necessarily on what is best for individual children. And the parents have a lot less clout to protest if they're unhappy.

You're making a huge number of assumptions about what I know or feel. Maybe try being a bit more open minded. My children went to private school. My sister works at a boarding school. I don't agree with boarding and think it's terrible parenting and very damaging in almost all cases.

I do agree with you about charitable status though - it should be stripped from private schools and they should rescind any charitable works that they do. Schools aren't charities and them being treated as such or expected to behave as such to keep that status just so they can accept charitable donations from wealthy patrons is a nonsense.

I get your point, but a holiday camp is something your child goes to for a few hours and then returns home. It's not really comparable. Of course all children's activities market and project it as being something that kids love to do. My point is that unlike state schools, boarding school is a product, and that the argument 'but they have so much fun/my day pupil begged to board' doesn't mean that's reality. It could equally be marketing. A school can't be trusted to be promoting what's in your chlid's best interests if that school is also a business that profits (hugely) off your child going down a certain path - in this case boarding.

@ForRealTurtle Actually it's a lot more than that. Eton for example contributes to over 1,000 local projects, Winchester is partnered with 17 different state schools.... But if it's not seen as charity by the Govt and it gets to the stage where all the benefits of charitable status are taken away, there is absolutely no reason to engage in such a way. I wouldn't pay for a luxury holiday for my children (and also pay for others to go on holiday using my taxes) and then say ah yes, don't worry you can join us on this too. It's no different.

@Givingmetalktalk Except it's something you clearly know nothing about apart from the occasional bad headline. It's like saying "you are all going to die as soon as you get on a plane" because the occasional headline highlights times when planes go down. And it does make me angry because you are making such judgements on such things with such little knowledge and not only keeping it yourself, but supporting people who are inflicting those policies on others because it serves their purpose. As I said previously, they can't "get" the public schools through the wallet, so make it more taboo. Set parents up against parents. Does their job for them.

That's true but holiday camps push that narrative too - "LOOK AT ALL THE FUN YOU CAN HAVE AT OUR CAMP". There's not really a lot of difference between a boarding-school at the weekend and a holiday camp, and yet people think holiday camps are fine for children who enjoy them. Some children, without having uncaring parents or coming from broken homes, really do enjoy boarding.

Apologies for quoting unnecessarily.

The whole 'schools have changed since those days' is a lot of marketing from modern-day boarding schools that want to change their image. The premise is still exactly the same, even if the rooms are colourful and the children appear in marketing brochures romping about on the lawns.

And speaking of marketing, do remember that the day pupils who BEG to be allowed to board are a victim of marketing too. Speaking from experience, day pupils (and boarders) are given a relentless narrative that pushes independence, separation from parents and 'all the fun you could be having if you boarded'. Why? Because the school is a BUSINESS and boarding COSTS MORE. Your child is the product and them thinking boarding is a fabulous idea is MORE PROFITABLE.

It seems like you kinda DO give a fuck, since you're on Mumsnet writing angry posts about how you don't give a fuck.

And I've thought that parents who send their children to boarding school are neglectful and inadequate parents since before the current government's very recent election.

Your 'wooden historical door' type comments make quite a clear and distasteful point about the type of people who can come out of private school. But this isn't about that. I'm fully in favour of private school actually, not withstanding some of the types of people that it can produce. I'm not in favour of boarding, which is paid-for foster care for rich people, and the terrible damage it does to their children.

@Givinganopinion i doubt most state schools will care if private schools stop them using their playing fields occasionally. Although it will expose the lie that they care about their wider community.

I went to Boarding school at 5 -17 overseas tilll 10, then Uk from 10-17
I am in touch with only one friend from school now. I’m mid 50’s now.
You get on with others because you have to , but you wouldn’t choose many of them as life long friends like you do when you’re older.
It causes avoidant attachment styles and extreme independence, a detachment to people also.
It’s amazing how resilient children can be and how they just get on with it when in that environments.
In china, children used to board from 2-7 during the week to allow both parents to work.
I didn’t send my children, people who went young that I know, all chose not to send their kids. That should say something I suppose.

Rubbish! How many babies sleep through? Mine certainly didn't!! My youngest still breastfed several times a night until 22 months.

An "hour before bed" - are you mad?? Mine never went to bed early!!

Mine have slept through from about 4 months old, and go to bed at 7pm for 12 hours.

They do have a tutor they see once a week but that’s more for academic, but I suppose they can discuss anything with them in that time but the more emotional stuff they are expected to go to their house parent in the first instance

@corkindigo well thank you for your concern but it’s not necessary and as for the Govt? Well considering the anger after the mandate they were given, bloody hell…

I'm actually surprised that the government( all types) doesn't support boarding, state, and private, and then parents could be working longer hours.
The push for adults to have mortgages or huge rents, large bills, financial commitments they cant afford, children they can't afford unless DC are forced in 'childcare', boarding schools are one step up from 'wraparound'. Probably the only reason they don't is costing. Early years childcare is poorly funded as so many parents need the service. If they could find a way of funding it I bet the rhetoric would be different.

Friends at boarding school become as close of siblings because you live with each other and have unique shared experiences that people who haven’t been to boarding school don’t have. That closeness has got nothing to do with not living with your parents, it’s a completely different relationship.

My close circle of friends who went to boarding school are all very close with their families and all but two are married/in long term relationships with kids. I’m the exception in the fact I’m not close to my mother, but there were problems there from early childhood. I am close to the rest of my family and have nothing but positive memories of my time at school.

I think you have a set point of view in your head which doesn’t match the experience of many of us who went to boarding school. It suits some people and others it doesn’t, like anything. I do however agree that anything below secondary level is too young.

Good to hear that CH is still a place kids want to be. It’s definitely a very different experience than many other boarding schools and was a positive experience for the majority of the people I know who went there. I don’t know if this is still the case, but from LE onwards we had a personal tutor (like a guidance counsellor) of our own choosing who was a trusted adult to help us navigate the teen years which was a really positive thing in a boarding school.

@Givinganopinion right because we can't possibly think of any damaging or ineffective politicians from the last decade who were privately educated, they were all remarkably successful, we are in a golden era as a direct consequence of their stellar eductions and leadership

This is a thread about the impact on children being sent to boarding school, not private education more broadly. I don't have very strong views on private education.

@twistyizzy exactly what I was going to say. You can see your premise played out in real time now @corkindigo. No one in the cabinet went to public school, no private school in fact (bar Louise Haigh). Doing a bang up job so far. All they have done is reek havoc. And as it goes, I voted Labour for the first time ever cos I was so disgusted with the Conservatives, even having been Tory all my life. So I have no problem with giving us poshos more of a kicking if it actually benefited someone, anyone! But this Govt doesn’t. It makes everyone poorer. All it’s looking to achieve is a true race to the bottom and pitch you against us. Then we can all be quiet for our new overlords.

Except we won’t accept that. So our kids will continue to benefit from a system that gives them the best chance to do what they want to do. And our parents, and our grandparents protect the money they made from working being snapped up by the state. My father earned a shit ton of money in business. He always said paying tax is a nice problem to have and has paid eye watering amounts and still does so as a pensioner. He doesn’t now… so again, you lose. Cos what he would have thought of as duty to pass over in tax he now sees as punitive so takes action to reduce it.

You piss off the people who earn the money enough (60% of tax is paid by those with the 10% highest incomes) and they will look to pay less.