to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

My dad went to boarding school. He also went on to have terrible mental issues, and he also had several breakdowns.

my DH swore he loved it and it was the making of him until he had a total breakdown at 38 and all the history of abuse and bullying poured out.

interestingly it was during the process of choosing a (day!) school for our oldest DC that seemed to trigger a lot of it.

fortunately, following an intensive period of targeted medication and on going therapy - he has found his feet and is coming to terms with it all as healthily as he can. It does make me wonder how much there is hiding behind other people’s insistence that they had a great time…

either way our DC will be at day schools until they go to university. I don’t believe that anywhere is better than a safe, stable family home for a pre teen or teenager (quite apart from the fact I would miss them unbearably and would like to keep them with us for as long as possible!) If one was desperate to board in the sixth form we would consider weekly boarding at one of the 5 big boarding schools within striking distance of home.

I work in a prep school with boarding. In reality, it's already pretty much as you say - dying out except in exceptional circumstances.

We have just over 300 children in the school. The vast majority of these are day children.

Our flexi boarding programme is very popular. We have between 25 and 75 children boarding each night, depending on the day of the week (Friday is the most popular as we have Saturday school and a night of boarding is cheaper than a baby sitter). For the children who board one night a week it's just a fun sleepover.

We have around 8 children who board 2 or 3 nights a week. These tend to be children who live 45-60 minutes commute from the school and/or their parent/s work very long hours in London. They are often at the school because it meets their learning or social profile rather than it being the closest school.

We have around 10 weekly boarders. About half of these are on full bursaries as part of a programme aimed at providing fully funded boarding education for children from exceptionally chaotic or deprived families. The other half tend to be your traditional, multi generational boarders - or sometimes those who don't get into the very selective day schools in London.

We have around 10 full boarders. These are split between those on the full bursary scheme mentioned above and international boarders. The international boarders are often just here for 1 or 2 terms as an intensive English immersion experience.

All our full, weekly and 2-3 night boarders are Years 6 - 8.

Very few of our 1 night boarders are below Year 5. None are below Year 3.

So, even at a 'traditional boarding prep' actual full boarding for no good reason is very, very rare.

Even 15-20 years ago, the picture across boarding schools was different - there were a lot more who boarded young just because it was family tradition. Those families mostly wait till 13 now.

My DB went to boarding school aged seven. It was billed as a wonderful opportunity - 'he wanted to go!' as my DM is fond of saying. He has never held down a romantic relationship (now in his forties), lives a nomadic lifestyle and has a very fractured relationship with my parents and me. My DC have helped a bit with it but it's so sad that I'm just not close to my only sibling and yes, I completely blame his time at boarding school.

There has been an unusually high number of deaths and addiction issues amongst his school peers.

Boarding school at that age is wrong, there is no justification. My DS is seven and there is absolutely no way I could have him living away from me.

As a foreigner I find BS very cruel unless you are teenager and want to go.

It depends on the boarding school they went to aswell.

Some of them are absolutelt draconian.

Mine too! He is an amazing father and a perfect husband

Yeah my dad told me absolute horror stories about his boarding school.

Hard agree- I don’t know anyone that went that doesn’t have issues as an adult relating to the separation they experienced. The touch thing is definitely true as well.
I actually agree about the young babies and full time nursery care too- some friends said they didn’t feed their kid a meal at all Mon-Fri as every meal was had at nursery- drop off at 7:45-8am, pick up at 6 pm go home and straight to bed. A nanny or allo-parent figure would be much better if actual parents can’t be providing the care.

My dad went to boarding school and he said that it messed him up for life.

DDs DP went to an all boys boarding school for a while and has told us some horror stories

We figured if the teachers also went to similar schools then it's just a non stop never ending carousel of vile weirdness

No one gives a shit there, no one steps in to do anything because to them it's normal and character building

Some weird shit goes on

I agree. They may "officially" be better in terms of safeguarding, pastoral care, privacy, standards of food and accommodation, etc., but fundamentally people's personalities don't change so issues such as bullying (by peers and staff) will still happen (as there is ample opportunity for this when you're there 24 hours a day and having to follow teachers' rules even after school hours) and it's never going to be a home from home - that just isn't possible.

You have to be a very particular type of child, imo, not to be damaged in some way by boarding school.

@BaklavaRocks I've watched the YouTube videos you posted before and, as someone who went to boarding school in the 1980's I found them really upsetting. They vividly brought back memories of feeling so alone and abandoned, and I felt exactly as I remember feeling then. A horrible sort of sinking desolation inside. I was older than the children in the documentary, as was aged 13 when i started, so it must have been even worse for them.

I am sure that boarding has improved since I went, and it wasn't horrific, just really lonely and isolating. I feel as though I kind of 'disappeared' at boarding school. I learnt to completely hide how I felt and just get on with things, regardless of how I felt inside. I am still the same, 35 years later. No-one notices whether I am happy or sad, as I keep it all hidden and don't know how to be any different.

I think boarding is best avoided for younger children and only for those age 13+ if it really is the best option. Many boarders, like me, are from military families so it does allow continuity of education. Parents are generally just trying to do the best for their children but it certainly can come at a price. An often excellent education at the expense of emotional wellbeing for some. A child's personality should also be a factor. If you are very extrovert then boarding school is potentially a lot easier than if you are introverted and need your own space to thrive.

I agree that full time childcare for babies and very small children is a weird blind spot we (as a society) have, particularly how up in arms people are about boarding school. But I suspect it's one of those issues that is too big to blow up because of the ramifications.

Rachel Johnson got bundled off at 8 to the same abusive prep school as Boris, a school that didn't even take girls, because Stanley Johnson persuaded the headmaster to take them as a package deal. Stanley didn't even bother to visit the place first, he said there was no need as they had a perfectly good record of getting boys into Eton. That school is now closed after multiple sexual abuse scandals, not to mention beating the kids with golf clubs. I think it's both desperately sad and depressingly unsurprising that Rachel has chosen to send her own children away.

Boarding School is absolutely disgusting. If your child craves it, it's because their home life is shit.

I think weekly boarding from age 11 or so is absolutely fine. I went to boarding school at 11 and had the time of my life, but I was able to see my family at weekends which is important imo. Before secondary age I wouldn't do personally but in some circumstances it is necessary and preferable to repeatedly moving schools.

DD is day pupil at a boarding school in Yr 8. She has many friends who are boarders and would love to board but we can't afford it plus I would miss her too much. I am not convinced about boarding at prep ages but for Yrs 9 through to 13 I can see the benefit. The majority of boarders are military or where parents work overseas plus some disabled parents.
Schools are very different to how they were even 20 years ago and pastoral care is excellent however I could never let my child go but i don't judge those who do.

I feel like it depends on the kid. Many love it. I guess they’d be getting such a high quality of education that it’s probably a decision best weighed up overall. Some of the most well adjusted adults I know are ex boarders. Equally some despise it and that’s very sad.

The issue that bothers me more and I think future generations will look back in horror about is 9-6 childcare for babies from 12 months meaning they only see parents at weekends. And I speak as someone who can’t afford to be a SAHM. I think it’s pretty horrific to separate babies and toddlers from their parents and we’re the first generation who can’t afford to stay at home really (obviously people have always done this but nowadays most of use nursery) We don’t yet know the consequences of this and it’s taboo to discuss. I have never spoken of this to anyone other than my husband. Boarding schools seem to be fair game in a way nurseries are not.

DD is day pupil at a boarding school in Yr 8. She has many friends who are boarders and would love to board but we can't afford it plus I would miss her too much. I am not convinced about boarding at prep ages but for Yrs 9 through to 13 I can see the benefit. The majority of boarders are military or where parents work overseas plus some disabled parents.
Schools are very different to how they were even 20 years ago and pastoral care is excellent however I could never let my child go but i don't judge those who do.