to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

My dad sent my brother to boarding school - only because he went, no other reason.
My mum sat in my brother’s bedroom every day and sobbed, unable to get a grip on herself.
My brother graduated with honours, went to a prestigious university and was extremely successful, and was the most cruel person I’ve ever known.

I totally agree with you about nurseries. 😕

Boarded from the age of 8. Absolutely dreadful. Used to cry myself to sleep sometimes and nobody comes to comfort you. Ran after my mums car once crying and begging her not to leave me, she just drove off. My own son is 8 now and the thought of not being there to cuddle him when he's sad or poorly is unimaginable.

@BaklavaRocks

State boarding starts at 11 (sometimes 12 in Scotland as their cut off is different) as its standard secondary school, you attend school with the normal day students and there's a hostel for the boarders, there's a bit about it on the calmac ferry documentary on iPlayer. There's a few state boarding schools in England too but you pay sliding scale fees if you are not remote

I just meant, having your children away from home makes more sense if you're still able to be in close contact with them.

My school isn't a prestigious Eton/Harrow type. None of our kids have been "sent away" because it's the done thing to do. Most do them are with us because of specific sporting programmes.

I don't understand people wanting to take away other parents' choice.

I mean, what has it got to do with anyone else?

I went to boarding school at 11. Loved it. Still close to the girls in my first year dorm decades later.

Didn't send our kids because we have the luxury of better working hours etc and I'd miss them. I know my parents missed me, but they were coping with issues that I only realised years later, they made a call at the time and put a positive spin on it, I am forever grateful they did.

The only scarring I got was probably from a part-time childminder when I was aged about 6 years old - she was truely awful. Everyone else very nurturing.

I think this comment shows your naivety around parenting and different parenting styles. I was not being ‘cuddled’ by my parents aged 11, in fact I don’t remember ever being hugged by my mum as a child. I wasn’t tucked into bed at night and by the time I was 11 and secondary age if I was ill and off school I was left at home alone as both parents worked and couldn’t/ didn’t want to take time off. I didn’t go to boarding school but don’t assume every child has affectionate, warm, lovey covey parents at home who would be caring for them in this way if they weren’t at boarding school. There are many children who don’t have warm, attentive or emotionally interested parents, some will attend day schools and some boarding schools, I imagine many of those at boarding schools probably fare better that those living with emotionally absent parents.

I went and it was terrible for me. My parents worked abroad and the company paid do they thought they were getting a good education for us but didn't really think about the emotional cost. They wanted to send me at 8 but i begged to not go so they made me agree to going the year later, still don't understand why i had to go that young as there were international scools where we were. The first year was awful, i actually had a physcotic episode and was sent home early one term, but no one ever explained it to me properly. My brother also went but we were never at the same school at the same time. I remember feeling so alone and abandoned. The worst thing is I never really had the confidence to take advantage of the opportunity, i just struggled through. I hardly spoke for the first 2 years, today i would have been diagnosed with selective mutism, even though I had been quite chatty at home. I actually feel great shame about the whole thing.

I think I disappointed my parents as i just wanted a family and to feel safe so career wise I haven't really suceeded in a the way they hoped. I just coped with life, and only really gained any confidence when I got married and had my own family. I have really struggled with my oldest going to uni, it's reminded me in reverse of how I felt then. I appear happy and normal on the outside today, but still lack confidence.

@BaklavaRocks yes thank you, such an odd time of year for a residential, spread through the camp like wildfire, poor teachers!!

Yes but it isn't the ex state school pupils running the country is it?

It's just unfathomable to me, not being with your parents when sick. We had to pick our son up from a residential last week due to a nasty stomach bug (which is why this train of thought came to my mind) he was so distraught to be unwell away from home (despite so insatiably excited for the trip which he loved to that point) and so utterly relieved to be home with us, which to me seems completely natural.

Absolutely.
Thw way most posters here talk about boarding school for an 8year old is exactly what I think of full time childcare for a child under school age.
Both are awful and I would expect both the have life long emotional consequences (no matter how much the parent deems they ‘love it’)
Kids need to be looked after by someone who loves them. Someone who is there day in day out for years who has unconditional love for them.

At my school, it's entirely your choice!

Ohh I watched this documentary and there was also another one about Sunningdale, which I think was actually meant to be a promotional film, but you felt so awful for those poor homesick kids 😞 that they took it down and now I can't find it.

In the documentary you linked, I just wanted to scream at that mother to take her little girl home!!!!! It was a really tough watch 😭

When we were ill (1980’s) you stayed in the ‘San’ with Sister (ours was a Nurse in uniform). It was set up like a little hospital ward. God it sounds like another world now. No parents didn’t come and get you or anything. I don’t even remember phone calls when I was ill and in the San for a week. To be fair though Sister was lovely and there was ‘Nurse’ who stayed with you at night who was also very lovely.

I used to work for someone who sent both her kids to boarding school when they were 7/8. She did it because the same happened to her as a child. She never saw her kids at weekends, just school holidays. She was very emotionally stunted and had no close loving relationship with her own parents. Broke my heart that history would repeat itself. The thought of sending my kids away at the age of 7 and not seeing them for weeks at a time absolutely disgusted me.

It can be either depending on how close your parents live.. they do contact them.
Mine lived an hour away so I was able to go home if I wanted but often I did not. You just got to go and lie down in your bed and we had a matron who would come check on you and bring you some tea and toast if you wanted some. She would call your parents if you asked or may decide to contact them herself.
Where I went you could call your parents if you wanted to as there was a phone on the wall in one if the halls for students to use at break times or in the evening, so you could have gotten hold of them yourself anyway.

@corkindigo you go to the san and see the school nurses and doctor

Either. My Mum picked me up and took me home if it was going to be longer than 24hrs. But there would be someone there 24/7 if you couldn’t go home. They were very kind to us when we were sick. There was a ‘sick bay’ room too.

@BaklavaRocks i couldn’t do it with my child as I would miss them too much. But I know many people who went to boarding school (where I was a day pupil). Vast majority are in happy marriages, balanced, well educated people who live happy lives (at least as far as I can tell). I think it depends on the school and how much parental involvement there is alongside that. It’s not as simple as boarding means an emotional fuck up.

I don't think it's harmful for older children, GCSE and A-Level years, especially since they typically get to go home quite often. I don't love it for younger secondary students and I do think it's bad for the pre-preps. It's certainly not for all children, but a 16yo can cope with it if they are motivated, for example if it's a specialist school and they really love the subject.

Boarding schools aren't terribly popular here in the USA but we do have some. A few lean wealthy, but others are more specialised, for example I know someone who went to Interlochen which is an arts school. Because of distance many children don't get to go home all semester which is tough. A few states have boarding schools for gifted children (usually in maths & science) and many students do go home on weekends. I also know a couple of people in the Foreign Service who had children board for high school so they would have stability and not have to worry if their parent suddenly got posted to Kazakhstan.

Our school had what we called the 'san' (sanatorium), basically hospital beds with a nurse and on-call doctor. I stayed in ours a couple of times for short illnesses. If I'd been really unwell I'd have been sent home.

Jo