to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

It seems unlikely to me that any regime or company could actually force people to send their children away at a particular age? Sounds more like a story they told.

There's no need for that . In Australia, where remote really is remote, primary aged kids are taught by the"school of the air". Its now all facebook etc, think like Covid teaching.

I went boarding school and have boarding school syndrome. I can't understand why my parents sent me and I'll always hold a little grudge about what they put me through.

I don’t actually know anyone who boarded but I can imagine it’s preferable to a chaotic abusive household. I would consider day boarding as a teen so home on weekends and holidays (mine is an extrovert) but probably not younger than that, I couldn’t imagine leaving mine at 8 anywhere. I’m not even a very emotional mother but I’d worry about her constantly.

Wonder if theres been a psychological study of boarders done that looks at the long term impact.

@Threelittleduck "I don't really agree with boarding school but I do see it might be the only option for parents who work abroad or move around a lot."

There is always the option of not working abroad or stopping moving around a lot.....

The comedian Marcus Brigstock said that the reason many men in UK public life are the way they are is because "they had their hearts broken at the age of 8"......

Surely sometimes it's circumstances that dictate boarding school. My aunt and uncle worked abroad a lot ( not sure where exactly, maybe Saudi Arabia) and their children could only stay out there until they were 8. So the company paid for boarding school. What else were they supposed to do with their children?
Mind you their daughter never forgave them and she's in her 50s so it's obviously caused some sort of distress
I don't really agree with boarding school but I do see it might be the only option for parents who work abroad or move around a lot.

My XH only went for secondary school and loved it, but he does also have serious emotional deficits so not exactly an endorsement for it. My cousin got sent to boarding school at 7 and his parents rarely saw him despite living less than 1.5 hours away. I don't know how he turned out. He was already badly effected as a child, but I couldn't say if that was the boarding itself or the way his parents treated him. Probably a little of both. In cases like my cousin it would be hard in a study to seperate what was the effect of boarding and parenting and XH is cut from similar cloth to his dad so again would be hard to tell what caused the emotional defecits. There are parts of the country where I live where boarding for high school is very common because of rural isolation and it being the only way to physically attend a high school.

I think it depends on:

The child
The school
The family

If you look at the royals, Charles was not suited to Gordonstoun. Anne chose to go to school, she's had governesses until then.

I don't think William's children are boarding, yet, and I think that might be reflection of parental experience.

I also think there is a huge difference between the odd night boarding and building up to weekly or full rather than dropping a 6 year old off for a few months.

I think it is also worth remembering that not all parents do love their children or even want them.

Charles Spencer has 3 older sisters. There was a baby boy who sadly died, had he survived I doubt Charles would have been conceived.

There has to be a boy to inherit the title.

Out of curiosity how do the kids from chaotic households fare?

40 years ago, l was a day girl at a boarding school, honestly l would have loved to have been a boarder. But this was secondary school, so 11 plus. I'm still in touch with lots of the girls. None of the boarders have anything negative to say about it really. What teenage girls don't like spending weeks with thier friends? Some went home every weekend, some only on holidays .
I think for secondary it's fine if everyone is happy.

Even for older kids is not appropriate - maybe at 16. My kids need me just as much as teens as they did when they were younger.

I don't think being a military family is an excuse either. IMO if you have to travel the family goes with you or you have one parent who stays alone with the children. Personally I woukd recommend to my own DC they wouldn't start a family with someone in the military.

The one exception I think is residential care for children whose needs are too severe for the family to cope with. Ideally you would have support and respite built in so they could live at home but that level of support just isn't available.

It's barbaric for young children and borders on abuse and neglect from the parents. I honestly don't know why you'd have children to send them away. It's only acceptable because it's done by the wealthy, if they were poor they'd be viewed as neglectful, feckless parents. Which to be honest, if you send an eight year old to boarding school, is a fair judgement.

Many spend all their waking hours at nursery or in some kind of childcare away from home.

British actors perhaps. But this is just a small subset of successful actors.

There is a fair bit of misinformation on here about boarding, and these sorts of comments are ignorant.

I' guess those who went themselves had it normalised, so might not see it as undesirable to institutionalise children.'

So only those who didn't board or didn't enjoy boarding know what it's really like. Oh come on.

I boarded as did my husband, he from 8, I boarded from 9 and we both loved it. Yes we had lots of work to do, early evenings pre super were for homework and sport. Day students often joined us for all of that. We ate at 5.30, finished by 6 we had free time till 7 and then would get ready for bed, dorm lights were out by 9.

In the morning, day students would eat breakfast with us and then we would all go off to classes.

During the week the difference between a day student and boarder wasn't massive.

Weekends, we all were in school on Saturday mornings, non boarders and boarders all sports were on Saturday- other than the after school sports which wee for fun.

If we had matches, my family would come to watch Saturday morning and then we would go hone after. If it was practice they would collect me after sports. I would go back on Sunday night and the week started again.

We had some foreign students who would stay at the weekend, but most of the rest of us would all ho home on Saturday. We didn't have any military parents.

Boarding to day students the only difference was between 6pm and 7am. Of which awake was about 2.30 hours.

Not as significant as everyone in this thread believes. I spent every holiday with my family, which was about 16 or 17 weeks per year.

My husbands experience was similar, both of us enjoyed it and we both have friends from those times still. We were and are close to our families and always were school was for practical reasons. I'm not damaged nor resentful I loved my school years and look back fondly.

Now I am a parent of girls who attend as day students, I can barely see a difference between the time we spend together and the volume of time spent with my family growing up. It's minimal. Yes I might be at home from 5 but I spend that time sorting washing, making super, doing chores, taking one or other to clubs etc etc. Hardly the warm fuzzy image of bonding with my daughters.

My mum went to boarding school for secondary as she lived rurally. I think it is probably why she struggled to connect with her kids. She only went home three times a year.

I wonder how full time childcare will effect the kids long term. There are definitely benefits to sending kids for a short day after the age of 3. But the studies I have read about have all said childcare does have a negative affect on kids. I worked in childcare before kids and wouldn’t send them to one. But I was lucky I didn’t have to work.
But to be honest I think childcare is far better than school. I know a lot of kids that were traumatised by school. At childcare we always tried our best to respond to the kids emotional needs as well as physical.

I wouldn’t have been comfortable sending my children to boarding school at a young age, but DD (19) wanted to go to a nearby boarding school around 14. Through her sports team, she knew a few people who went there and she liked the sound of it! She’s outgoing and liked the idea of being with other teenagers full-time. I know someone whose DD (16) is at boarding school by choice, her older brothers didn’t board, but she wanted to!

I don’t think it would suit DS (16) though, he likes coming home every day.

@anxioussister
I hope your poor DH is doing better now.

I fully agree with your assessment that claims of having a terrific time, "It was the making of me", etc, may not be all they seem.

Yes, I agree. The evidence is pretty clear about nurseries for under 3s but obviously that's really hard to hear if you have not option but to send your baby. On a societal level we should be angry about this and insist on much longer and better paid parental leave.

This sounds like a boarding school near us. There are a lot of Forces children as their parents get moved around and they want a stable base for the kids.

I know that many of the day pupils are keen to board as they feel that they're missing out on fun that takes place after they've gone home..

My Dad was sent at a young age, and he hated it. It has had a really negative impact on him as an individual, and this has had a knock on impact on us, his family. There are times where you can see the lost young boy inside, desperately yearning to be loved and mothered, and it is heartbreaking.

He has seen a specialist Boarding School Survivor counsellor, but the long term damage has already been done. He never fully understood why he was sent away (there appeared to be no reason for it, which I know has been hard for him to accept).

(I have nc’d for this thread, in case I am ever identified on Mumsnet).

And surely lockdown taught us all that a phone call or zoom call can not replace actually meeting up with people we love.

I have been reading people claiming for the last 20 years that boarding schools have changed. It is true that the practical elements of nicer bedrooms, warmer rooms and nicer food have changed. But the fundamentals of being raised in an institution have not changed.

I also was a weekly boarder from age 11.
I had been reading Jennings books and thought it would be like that.
It was not.
I did not enjoy it.
But in my day children above 6 or 7 were not tucked in by their parents anyway.
They were simply told to go to bed. Obedience was expected and mostly followed.
So one didn't miss that.
It was more the relentless bullying by staff. You couldn't get away from them.
Couldn't clock off at 4pm and have some respite until 9am.
I agree 11 is too young. I think age 13 minimum if at all.