to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

I think filling in an extensive form detailing the reasons your child couldn't live with you would be a good first step.
DH had opportunities to work abroad and I always said that either he go alone or we all go, no way would I go and leave my DC

Child protection social workers are busy people. Are we really going to add to their workload because some parents want to put their child down for weekly or flexible boarding?

Some people upthread mentioned Rachel Johnson. I don’t think I would necessarily share her values or be her sort of person. But I would struggle to say that she is in need of a visit from a social worker.

@CruCru I would never sacrifice my child for a job. Unless I was in dire poverty i.e. I understand mums in incredibly poor countries leaving children with grandparents while they travel to the city or further afield for work. But they are doing it to pay for their child's basic food and shelter.

From memory she was a nurse so could move around pretty easily.

The family were not rich - even if they’d wanted to, they wouldn’t have afforded to keep two houses (even with one subsidised quite a lot) going.

In the end, he left the RAF because his wife had had enough of moving house. It’s hard to keep experienced people in the armed forces.

There could be an assessment by a child protection social worker. Basically if your child would be better off in a boarding school than home, they can go.

The thing is, the OP mentions banning boarding unless there are very exceptional circumstances. Who decides whether the circumstances are exceptional enough? I’m imagining someone in government going through the options: armed forces, terrible / chaotic home life, diplomatic services, living somewhere remote, being a chorister, having parents who appear functional but aren’t, having parents who are going through an appalling divorce.

It’s fairly unlikely that any government minister is going to be able write laws which allow for the nuances of whether or not someone should be allowed to choose boarding.

@Hoppinggreen Exactly! Military families like this will have the wife follow her husband to postings because they recognise keeping a long distance marriage going is hard and they miss each other. But think sending their child away is okay??

Similarly, another friend had a dad in the RAF so she went to boarding school for her GCSEs because her education had been so disrupted.

Was her Mum in the RAF too?

I think its not very helpful (but understandable) to focus on cases where there was physical or sexual abuse, the majority of Boarding school pupils don't experience this Thank God
However, even if people say their experience was "fine" its still not OK to send kids to be raised 24/7 by people who do it for money not love. Even staff who are absolutely wonderful would walk away without a backwards glance to those kids they have effectively been parents to if they changed jobs.
I reserve the most contempt for people who say they sent their child to Boarding school at 11/12 or whatever "because they wanted to" - if my DC asked to leave home at 11 I would be taking a very long hard look at myself.

Any child who’s away from their home overnight on a regular basis, whether that be Monday-Friday, a half term at a time or whatever else.

I still remember when a friend of ours told us how he was sent to the local private school (as in he lived in the small town it was located in - 5/10 minute walk away at the most) AS A BOARDING STUDENT.

His relationship with his family was very telling. He hated his mother, was ambivalent with his father (the impression we got from him was he felt his mother was the driving force behind him being went there), does seem to get along with his brothers (who weren't sent there) but isn't close.

I can't imagine what would possess a parent to WANT to send their child away from them. Although I do remember as a youngster asking my parents to send me to boarding school because they were so romanticised in the books I read (I'm thinking probably famous five).

So now it's only full boarders? So not the majority of boarders?

I went to boarding school at eight, it was fine but it was weekly boarding.

Where I lived (different country) it was/is common due to vast distances in rural areas, it was an ordinary state school.

@Givingmetalktalk Your post really resonates with my own experiences. That poor child whose emotional needs were just ignored so in the end he just turned in on himself. Everyone is pleased you've 'settled' as you're not longer visibly distressed; instead, you've just learnt that you have no alternative but to just keep quiet and get on with things.

This thread is really interesting as people have such different experiences. To me it shows that boarding school can be a good experience if: (i) you're old enough, maybe teenage, (ii) you actually really want to go, especially if it's maybe a specialist sport/dance/music etc school, (iii) you don't board for weeks on end with no family contact, and have the flexibility to go home when you want to, and (iv) you're of a personality where 'having a sleepover with your friends' every night is a fun activity, rather than an exhausting and socially challenging experience. The occasional 'flexi-boarding' could be great and preferable to long commutes etc. It's very different to a model with occasional 'exeat' weekends where you end up staying in school with just a few others as your family lives too far away, and at some point you realise you've gone for the whole 10-12 week term without anyone giving you a hug or putting their arm around you.

There's also the challenge of reconciling what you know was a good educational experience that has given you lifelong opportunities and contributes to your adult successes, with the knowledge that it caused lifelong emotional damage. And knowing that your parents, at least in my case, loved me very much and were trying to give me the best opportunities possible rather than sending me away because they didn't care. I think they would be heartbroken if they knew what the experience was really like, as I achieved what they hoped it would academically, and have a good life.

I would never send my own children to boarding school unless one had desperately wanted to take advantage of a sporting/music type scholarship at 14+. Maybe then, with the knowledge that they could change their mind at any point and come home at any time. Thankfully this hasn't arisen. It's hard enough when they leave for university at 18+, unimaginable to lose the time with them any younger unless it is what they really truly want for themselves.

Still not comparable to sending young children away for weeks and months at a time without someone they love to tuck them into bed with a cuddle every night.

This is an interesting thread. I would not have chosen a boarding prep school for my children BUT I am really quite uncomfortable with the idea of banning something because it isn’t to my taste.

A couple of people have said that parents have a choice to leave jobs where they are posted overseas or have to move a lot. A friend had parents who were diplomats in a difficult country (communist, they were followed around by the secret service, they knew everything they said in the apartment was being recorded). There was no way their children were being educated in that country so they went to boarding prep school. Similarly, another friend had a dad in the RAF so she went to boarding school for her GCSEs because her education had been so disrupted.

I would say that people in the armed and diplomatic services are absolutely necessary (now as much as ever). We need the right people for those jobs - quite often they will have children.

As it is, boarding for the under 13s is becoming more and more unfashionable. Boarding is also subject to the VAT from January.

They were never ok.
I know men in their 80's who were damaged by them, people in their 50's who were damaged by them and people in their 20's who were damaged by them.
For 99.9% of kids at Boarding school the decision is about whats best for the parents rather than the children.

Babies releasing cortisol because they are stressed does count though, when you look at impact on growth of the brain. Being away from trusted caregivers has a much more detrimental effect on younger children.

The weekly average isn’t relevant though. Babies and toddlers who go to nursery see their parent(s) every day and receive a daily dose of love and affection - it’s the regularity that counts, not average hours over a week/month/year.

Someone said the mean hours under 5's are in nursery is over 22hrs a week. You have a very odd view of what is normal if that isn't in some way concerning. Babies away from their parents on average a whole day every week. But people are worried about teens being taught how to behave properly while threads elsewhere wang on about why behaviour in state schools is so appalling...

I thought the fact the majority of parents do t spent 1:1 time with their kids daily before kindergarten was horrific - far worse than sending them to stay with friends in the week and having weekends and longer holidays 1:1 with them when they are teenagers! Some of you seem to be excusing under 5s rarely seeing their parents at nurseries and with childminders but not older kids who often dont leave their rooms at home anyway. Very odd.

Well for one thing childcare pre 5 tends to be more of a necessity vs boarding school which is very much a choice in pretty much all situations. It still isn't the same having someone mind your child during the day vs literally shipping them off for weeks on end no matter how you colour it, pre schoolers still need parenting out side of the nursery day, you're still their main carer, that can't be said of boarders, emotionally it is entirely different. What happens when sickness strikes highlights that.

I do not know of a single parent who doesn’t spend 1:1 time with their child before kindergarten/reception whatsoever, paid childcare or otherwise. Yes that does sound horrific, what awful parents you must know.

I have a teen who boards - she is an only child and gets far more interaction amongst her friends doing hobbies she loves as well as getting her homework done. I stayed home as a parent and did every school drop off and pick up until senior school, the formative years, because I wanted her to have the best start. Teens don't spend a huge amount of time with their parents every day. We message and email daily and I see her every weekend 1:1 which is more than a lot of parents. She is far happier where she is than if she was at home with me and no siblings at a school that couldn't cater for her academically or her hobbies. She actually tells me this nearly every weekend.

I think if you are seeing your child at boarding school only in holidays, half terms, etc, then you set up a relationship where you are permanently on holiday with your child. Because of course you want to make the most of your time together.
But relationships are built up in the day to day living and minutiae of life.

@RespiceFinemKarma when parents talk about teenagers not leaving their rooms, they don't mean they literally do not see them or talk to them. And any parent of teenagers finds the most important conversations take place at unexpected times e.g. locking up and your teenager comes down supposedly for a snack and then launches into a revelation of something worrying them. Just being around for teenagers is important.