to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

Nonsense! It's because the children have all read Malory Towers and St. Clare's.

On the contrary, I'm suggesting that 0-5 is far more critical to attachment and brain development yet society is less bothered about not seeing their kids for hours every day at those stages, en masse.

Many studies show men do far less parenting and housework to make the house a home. I don't ever see men berating the fathers for their choices with boarding schools.

We all have reasons for the childcare/schooling options we choose but demonising boarding schools and suggesting they are banned when they provide some of the best academics in the country and plenty of balanced individuals while state schools continue to have knife attacks, SEN issues, behavioural issues and a MH crisis as well as crumbling buildings is ridiculous.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow you don't think the teen years are crucial? I would argue my teens need me more now than they did when they were under 5, when they were preschoolers the care they needed was predominantly practical, nowadays they need their mum, they need reassurance, support, advice, their hormones sends their mood all over the place, I am their stability, their cheerleader, I help keep them grounded. I feel much more valued now than I did when they were under 5.

You seem determined to try and bat away any argument that young children need daily love and affection. The situation in your scenario is not true for the majority and rather outdated - there are plenty of stay at home dads or those who work part time these days as the mother is often the higher earner. In my own family it was my husband who picked up the children and fed them in the evenings as I had a long commute back from London. As long as they have a loving parent there for them each day that’s what matters.
Also so what if it is always the mum? Tea time, bedtime story and cuddles from a mum who loves you are infinitely better for wellbeing than a “goodnight” from matron or whoever at boarding school.

It's not unrelated at all.

Both scenarios involve children being away from primary caregivers for extended amounts of time.

Just at different ages and one seems to be totally accepted and one seems to be demonised.

I would have been totally happy to send DD to boarding school at secondary age, and was absolutely not prepared to send her to be looked after by other people in those crucial early years.

Does it matter if the parents aren't at home? No one seems to be up in arms when dad's go away for weeks on end with work and don't do any 1:1 parenting, it's always on the mums to do the important parts of parenting. Even when the child is asleep apparently.

Conversely I know several kids/20's who would have been much better off out of their family environment and would have flourished at boarding school, with people actually looking out for them.

Again, feel free to not answer as its the game I hate not the players but what would you have done if your DD hated it?
And do you think she fully understood that hating it was an option?

At my school most Boarders were at most "ok" with it and understood why it was necessary (even when it wasn't)

@OhCrumbsWhereNow I don't know why you're talking about something completely unrelated. I'm sure there are people who disagree with nurseries and boarding schools, my opinion on nurseries is irrelevant because they are completely different situations with different research outcomes.

Why are you bending over backwards to defend boarding on the basis of something completely unrelated? I would bet many of those boarding school families with mega mansions also utilise early years childcare, but it's by the by, completely separate things. It's like saying boarding school is ok because some kids get their ears pierced at 12 months or are allowed to drink coke, two wrongs don't make a right and all that.

I think people think boarding schools are all big leather trunks and off you go for the term.

Many of them (including the one my DD15 goes to) have a whole range of boarders, week nights only or flexible (1 or 2 nights)

My DD flexi boards 2 nights, I travel for work and she does after school clubs. If I'm in the US she stays for the week.

As a lone parent and only child (DD) it really works for us.

I agree that boarding should only be secondary age up though. I only started boarding her age 12 and she loved it.

I know people who went to boarding school and, like with any school, some loved it and some hated it, some of the schools were great and others awful. Some had good outcomes and others bad.

I had a good childhood but would have loved to go to boarding school at secondary age! I wrote off for a prospectus off my own back! Couldn't afford it though.

I feel more strongly against nurseries for babies.

My father was sent to boarding school age 8 and was physically, mentally and sexually abused. This was at Stonyhurst Catholic school, and Catholic schools whether private or state had these issues as endemic. I’m not convinced you could compare a modern day holistic independent boarding school to the 1960’s style of boarding schools to be fair.

Ah but it's exactly the same with people talking about banning boarding school (generally people with zero personal experience).

One could say it's borderline child abuse abandoning your non-verbal baby/toddler/child, who cannot even tell you what they have done each day, with complete strangers for the majority of their waking hours (and not just for academic terms but all year round), just so you can afford the mega mortgage or keep your career on track.

After all, it's only 4 years. Very selfish not to move somewhere more affordable, or perhaps save before you have children so you can afford to stay at home. Or just don't have a career at all?

I mean, it's totally reasonable to say that isn't it?

Or you could say that parents are free to make the decisions that work best for their children and lifestyle.

Ok but how is it relevant to a discussion on Boarding Schools?

This study is interesting.
Im afraid I can’t link but here’s the title page and conclusion

The study looked at age of students and type of school for example rural and non rural
It also researched all types of development.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow that's your opinion but it just sounds like projection (and a little like denial minimising the decision tbh...), it's irrelevant to this discussion, I could rattle off all sorts of parental decisions I don't agree with but this is a thread about boarding school.

Agree - just as I think it's terrible to send children to nursery or a childminder before the age of 4, yet hundreds of thousands of people see that as a valid choice rather than sacrificing their careers for a number of years.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow but that community doesn't have to be served by a Dr with a disabled wife and child who needs caring for, sorry I don't mean that to sound harsh, the point is that your parents made a choice, you're happy with that choice so that's great, but others may not agree or sympathise with it if they would choose differently.

Funnily enough, people in rural areas quite like having doctors available. Or perhaps only those with no children should be permitted to work there?

And please don't feel sorry - I loved boarding school and I loved holidays with my parents and have a great relationship with them.

They are but I don't see many claiming that they are great for children, unlike boarding schools.I would be horrified if my DC said they actively wanted to board and would take it as a reflection of the quality of their family life.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow the research is robust and based on experts observing children and looking at outcomes. There have been lots of studies. A friend when doing her PhD helped out with one study. She spent ages observing and recording tiny interactions and behaviour.

Thank You
Not that you need me to approve it or anything but again, I would say that you were one of a VERY small number of children where Boarding was the best option.
Its where Boarding benefits the parents not the children that I feel particularly strongly about it and thats usually the case.

Of course it's very hard to interview people about whether they were happy at nursery at 14 months.

Can't just go banning them on vague motions of being "bad". Macdonalds and iPads are bad for children but seem to be introduced from pushchair age.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow I am sorry your parents were not prepared to move house to meet their children's needs.

I am also aware that most of those supporting boarding schools say they loved their boarding school. That alone makes me wonder about the death of their emotional capacity. Because it is not realistic to just love a school. In reality a child might enjoy being at a school and be happy with it, but it will not be perfect. There will be things they do not like or are unhappy about. And if your child is at boarding school and you are not aware of anything they do not like or are unhappy about, then i suspect they are just presenting a sanitised version to you, or telling you what you want to hear.