Being sensitive when friends don't reply to messages (having seen them)

Indeed it could happen, and if I read it, I would decide based on the content, however I would also assume that the transmitter isn't requiring a particular response as they sent the news via a secondary form of communication.

Blue ticks mean "this message has been opened". It does not mean its been read.

I've had messages come through, looked at them on my pull down notification thing and read the first line. Thought "Oh that looks important. I won't open it until I can properly read it" and then accidentally clicked it. I've not read the message and I've filed it away to reply to but life moves so quickly it might be 3 weeks before I realise because I thought it had been a couple of days.

Someone needed my bank details to pay for a ticket the other, so it was me missing out. I don't have phone banking so had to get my card to get the details. I filed it away as a to do. When I went to send the details, thinking it had been maybe a week or two... it was two months later. But I'd been so busy it felt like only a couple of weeks.

This is it.

Dh now knows how to deal with his friend going forward and has very low expectations.

People have different levels of communication. Your hairdresser may have thought that your message didn't need a response. And truly what would be a response apart from "that's nice" or a thumbs up. And then you would have replied to that and thus the cycle continues!

Like I said earlier, it's about expectation imo

For example, a few months ago, I voice noted a (very close?) friend with some info about a really big (and quite shocking) life change for me included health deterioration

She listened (ticks went blue) and THREE WEEKS later she replied, saying how sorry she was for the delay in replying, how am I feeling now etc

My expectation was that she could have shown more care and interest, more quickly

But she didn't

For me, it's useful info about her friendship and I now know more about her as a person (which amazingly, in 12 years, I hadn't found out before)

No need to dump her as a friend (she's got good qualities) but my new knowledge about her, is useful going forward

Precisely

When I had cancer I informed my parents on the phone (they live hundreds of miles away) but I told everyone else by text. I was overwhelmed, extremely frightened and emotionally exhausted. I simply didn't have the energy to call everyone. In fact I told people not to call me as I couldn't face talking about it over and over again.

That’s not to say that it could never happen to you ie someone inform you of something serious by text.

Or is it that by virtue of receiving the information by text you to decide on whether serious or not? So, “cat died, broke my hip” - not serious….

Yes, exactly that. Nobody I know would ever inform me of anything serious by text.

Dh had a serious physical injury. He was dealing with the fallout from that and would not have had the resources/energy to call around to tell people but he could inform them by text.

It was still important…. to him.

I think that poster is saying the opposite, that if something it’s important, it would almost never be conveyed by text message.

Are you saying that if someone informs you of something serious by text, unless it’s conveyed by phone call it becomes less important and less deserving of a timeous reply?

So the mode of information is more important than the substance?

I largely agree with this. I am always stunned when people say it’s not rude to ignore messages. Your reception here OP has been bonkers.

I had a bereavement earlier this year and a couple of people messaged to see how I was doing a few weeks later. I replied to both saying I was finding it difficult but coping etc. Both read my message and didn’t reply (one for a week and one until the next birthday so months)! That made me feel worse than if they hadn’t asked in the first place.

YANBU OP, it’s stunning how people lack common courtesy when it comes to messaging.

When you don't reply to a friend you're basically saying to them 'You are not worth a few seconds of my time'. And then why would anyone want to stay friends with someone who clearly doesn't value them?

or

When you message a friend and expect an answer you're basically saying to them 'I can demand and command a few minutes of your time for a message of my choosing’ And then why would anyone want to stay friends with someone who clearly doesn't respect them?

Thankfully most people don’t adopt either extreme, and are relaxed, understanding and confident enough in the friendship to not take things personally etc.

I don't think so, some replies will be missed, that's natural. Eventually I would end up sending my own message and spot the thread, but that could be weeks later. If someone doesn't reply to me and it's important, then I will contact them again rather than sit stewing. If it was just about my haircut then I'd think no more of it.

Respectfully, that’s because some people (not meaning you, but certainly some posters on the thread) have far fewer friends than others, and are likely to receive fewer WhatsApp messages, hence one arriving is a bigger ‘event’, or a text exchange is a bigger deal than for someone who has a ‘busier’ phone and/or is on lots of WhatsApp groups. I have most groups muted, but it does mean that a message may easily get pushed down off my first WhatsApp screen. I certainly don’t have any issues with a non-immediate reply to mine, unless it’s urgent or time-sensitive in which case I will phone.

When you don't reply to a friend you're basically saying to them 'You are not worth a few seconds of my time'. And then why would anyone want to stay friends with someone who clearly doesn't value them?

But it's not a few seconds. Because if you reply then they'll reply then you have to reply etc. Someone who expects a response is guaranteed to respond, and expect a response. And if you just heart or thumbs up, that will wear thin pretty fast. Fundamentally you can't value yourself and your friendships by this kind of shit. A few seconds of a WhatsApp is not what counts. Quality time counts. This is a very very recent thing that we are constantly available to be messaged and judged if we don't want to run relationships that way. However much OP says she understands that, it's clear she doesn't and that this is her barometer. It's not a good barometer.

I’m not confused. If you read the original post the op refers to people who never reply, which is clearly not you.

If you are on even a handful of group chats you don'f necessarily see your friend's message or you can see it but then that chat gets sent further down the page.

I have to use Notes to set reminders to reply to messages if I need to think about the reply or need more information before replying. Otherwise I would forget.

It really annoys me too op - I have two school friends who we kind of cling to a friendship, they would say we were best friends but urgh it can take days for a reply, even when I'm asking something directly to them. Really irritates me and I make less and less effort or it's just me chasing them.
Then when we're together we have the best time and I forget I'm annoyed.

When I can reply, I do. I'm not sure what's confusing you?

One of my friends has dyslexia and she really struggles with WhatsApp / messages. How do you know that's not the case for your ex hairdresser?

My other friend has ADHD and he's so easily distracted, he is known for forgetting to reply to messages and various other things too. He's a lot better with phone calls. He does try but sometimes you don't know the full story OP, there could be other things going on sometimes that you're unaware of. I appreciate this isn't always the case but why waste energy getting frustrated with messages if you've got on well face to face?

"I still try to acknowledge the message just to be nice"

You do you, but I just cannot be arsed texting pointlessly "just to be nice". My friends can either be insulted by this, or hopefully they know me enough to know it's not malicious. I won't go out of my way to send pointless heart reactions and the like "just to be nice" or for fear of a friendship being ruined - if a heart reaction breaks a friendship, it was never really a great friendship was it.

I'm old and ill and not familiar with modern manners.

I very frequently don't reply to messages because I'm busy being ill.

I'd never heard of offending people by leaving them on "read" until I heard about it on here.

But then I mostly message other old gimmers who probably haven't heard that it's rude either because we all do it all of the time.

I understand OP. I find it hurtful too. I think because it's something I would never do, I don't understand how other people can do it to me. But we're all different and some people just don't seem to pay any attention to messages or forget about them as soon as they've seen them. Try not to take it personally.