To wonder if this idea will ever get off the ground? Surrogate grandparenting

I don't agree it is the same.

Yea abuse can happen anywhere. But random adults without the protection of the policies and procedures of a professional childcare settings isn't going to be equitable at all.

We tell our children not to talk to strangers for a reason.

There is training etc in these places but abuse can still happen. Most lonely old people are not abusers. Of course care is always needed where children are concerned.

Those places have people who have been vetted since they commenced work. Have safeguarding training and are in a situation which has procedures in place to reduce risk.

And no it isn't a rare event because quite honestly people lower their guard and predators look for opportunities.

It’s horrible to hear of an abusive old person talking advantage of this scheme but surely this will be a very rare event ? Parents trust their children to nurseries, schools, hospitals, churches, childminders etc where abuse also happens.

That also would be a huge nope from me. I don't want my children being with random people. We hold high standards and control for a reason.

I find people really don't have good judgement when it comes to older people. They tend to not apply the same caution.

I'm sceptical. My (child free) friend did some befriending for age concern and the gentleman was sleazy towards her. My friend is in no way vulnerable but I can see worse potential outcomes.
The old lady across from me lived babies and children but also suffered from paranoia, she'd have loved something like this but would have scared the children at times (and been scared BY the parents).
It is lovely when it happens organically but if it is through an agency I think people ignore their spidey senses as they don't want to offend the other party.

@Marblesbackagain @BruFord yeah, I can't really see the appeal in that regard. If it's just a mentoring thing where a kid spends an hour with an elderly person once a week for mutual enjoyment, then I guess it could be organised through schools and local age concern groups.

Yes, but adding random individual into places of trust heightens that risk. It would be a predators dream.

My grandmother lived in a cul de sac and a family moved in opposite her with a 4yo & a 2yo when she was in her early 70s and they essentially adopted her. In some ways, they took complete advantage as she regularly babysat for them once a week for nothing more than a bunch of flowers and, as the children got older, they'd "pop by" after school and it always coincided with the mum needing to take one of them to an activity and my gran offering to look after the other one BUT my gran loved it. By this stage, she was retired, her siblings had died, many of her friends were ill or dying, her only child (my dad) was in a busy job and my siblings and I were teens. She really enjoyed their company and they seemed to enjoy hers. To an extent, it did work both ways as they would pick up some groceries and things for her. What mattered more than that was that they gave a quite lonely older person something to look forward to and a sense of involvement.
They moved when the eldest started secondary and it left a real hole in her life. They did stay in touch for a while but this was pre-mobiles, the DC were of an age when they were too young to have an independent relationship with her and, as she wasn't family, there weren't those family ties.

My DM has been a pseudo granny multiple times but every time the relationship has developed organically.

She lives in an area full of young families with GPs abroad. Her neighbours have been very happy to have reliable childcare, someone in the UK to give birthday and Christmas presents etc.

And as my DM is not from the UK herself she is very understanding of their situations.

Sounds like a paradise for predators tbh.

I remember this idea being a story in my Nanna's People's Friend! She was my great grandma and she died in 1988!

I think these kinds of relationships can develop organically, neighbours, people known to a child through church or community groups. Growing up I had lots of older people take an interest through church which was nice, none were close, we didn't go to each others houses or know much about each other really, but they were generally supportive.

Matching complete strangers seems unlikely to work. What child wants to get to know a random old person? They aren't interested - they prefer their own age or younger adults. If it's very young children then parents would need to be present and people don't even want to spend time with their laws let alone some random person.

Would you need to fully adopt a granny or could you borrow one and take them out for a walk with the kids now and then?

I honestly think that this works perfectly well in the old fashioned sense, where people are just people. Where alarm bells start to ring, is where you formalise it. Surely?

Why do you need formal, legal arrangements here? Grandparents have virtually no standing in law anyway - it's not like a parental contract.

My parents are dead but had they still been around when DS was born, I wouldn't have encouraged contact. They were not good parents.

However, I had a lovely neighbour, a widow in her 60s who DS made a beeline for at 3yo and has loved ever since. She now lives a couple of miles away but has become a 'pseudo-granny'. She loves DS, I look out for her when she needs a bit of help, and we get on really well.

I'm not sure these things can be arranged, but sometimes they just drop into place.

Yes, @Marblesbackagain, even if everyone concerned was lovely and a good match, I’m sceptical that the “give and take” that’s typical with family members would occur.

At some point, the surrogate grandparent might need some support themselves and would the family be willing to provide it?

I could see older adults being used for childcare, gifts, etc. and then abandoned if they become ill.

@BobbyBiscuits I imagine not too many parents will choose a 70+ year old over younger child care professional individual.

Are there really swathes of elderly adults who wish to act as grandparents to strangers children? Surely they would do fostering or work in childcare if they were that into it. If it's just a scheme for people to volunteer free childcare, then does it really matter what age they are? As long as they're enhanced DBS cleared and receive first aid and other training.
It sounds like a nice idea but I'm afraid there could be all sorts of dodgy folks trying to get involved. Lots of paedos would pass a DBS.

I know at least 3 schemes like this that have tried & failed. Just too many risks in both directions

Yes they pose a risk, but I m sure as hell not adding more people to a place of trust to increase the risk.

I knew a couple who were surrogate grandparents but they were very careful not do or allow anything which could be misconstrued.

From the time the child was a toddler, right though their childhood, teens and early adulthood they were supportive and kind when just about nobody else was.

It is right to be careful but when it works it can really turn a child's outcome round.