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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not take DD to birthday party today

141 replies

Whoosher · 24/11/2024 13:03

DD6 is invited to her friends birthday party today. It’s a craft party at a venue.

DD and friend are in the same class at school and half the class is invited. They also attend the same dance class every Sunday. Friend’s mom text in the dance group today saying friend was poorly with sickness so won’t be coming to class, this was about 10am

anyway, party is still on.. and she hasn’t told any of the other parents that the birthday child is sick. I don’t want to take DD now, as I don’t want to risk her getting poorly and passing it to the whole family, we had a sickness bug a month ago and it was horrible.

AIBU to say to the mom that she won’t be attending due to her child being ill?

also, should I warn the other parents? Two of whom are my close friends.

OP posts:
SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:33

EmotionalSupportPotato · 24/11/2024 13:30

It's the day of the party. If she reschedules the venue aren't going to go oh sure..she'll have to pay twice. It's rude to ask someone to do that.

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Depends on the venue. Some have a small fee to change the dates. I don’t agree it is rude. Your user name is very apt as you are as emotionally supportive as a real potato would be.

KoalaCalledKevin · 24/11/2024 13:31

Whoosher · 24/11/2024 13:27

You’re right in saying that DD will have potentially already been exposed to it, but I feel that knowingly exposing her to it in a small space (venue is very small, one room half the size of a classroom) is a bit silly?

I have a 2yo at home and a 9yo, and I’m on my own with them, so them all getting sick is something I want to avoid if I can

Just don’t want to come across as rude!

I think she's being rude not telling the guests that they've got a sickness bug.

EmotionalSupportPotato · 24/11/2024 13:30

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:27

Asking isn’t demanding. Demands are what terrorists deliver to release hostages. Asking is a polite request that someone can consider and accept or decline.

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It's the day of the party. If she reschedules the venue aren't going to go oh sure..she'll have to pay twice. It's rude to ask someone to do that.

ARichtGoodDram · 24/11/2024 13:30

If you don't want to come over as rude just tell her your DD is unwell. If there's a bug going around it won't seem odd.

This new thing of parties going ahead when children are unwell is really annoying. Twice recently one of mine has rocked up to a party and the birthday children have been obviously unwell. One had his granny basically following him about with a sick bucket. It's very out of order not to give people a proper honest heads up

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:28

EmotionalSupportPotato · 24/11/2024 13:27

So rude

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Framing my advice to have a chat and ask if a reschedule wouldn’t be wise as a demand is what is rude.

GrumpyCactus · 24/11/2024 13:28

Whoosher · 24/11/2024 13:18

Also dance class is 10:30-11:15, party isn’t until 3.30pm and down the road, no prep from parent as venue supplies everything including food

I’ve text and asked how friend is feeling and if the party is still on

Sounds sensible.

You'd hope she'd cancel to be honest if for no other reason than what child when they've spent all night being sick wants to put on a brace face and go to a party. Her poor daughter I'm sure would much rather be lying on the sofa watching TV.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:27

EmotionalSupportPotato · 24/11/2024 13:26

Seriously? You can't demand someone reschedules.

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Asking isn’t demanding. Demands are what terrorists deliver to release hostages. Asking is a polite request that someone can consider and accept or decline.

Edenmum2 · 24/11/2024 13:27

I would check if it's a sickness bug and if it defo is then no I wouldn't go. But they are my worst nightmare so I never risk it.

Original poster
Whoosher · 24/11/2024 13:27

You’re right in saying that DD will have potentially already been exposed to it, but I feel that knowingly exposing her to it in a small space (venue is very small, one room half the size of a classroom) is a bit silly?

I have a 2yo at home and a 9yo, and I’m on my own with them, so them all getting sick is something I want to avoid if I can

Just don’t want to come across as rude!

OP posts:
EmotionalSupportPotato · 24/11/2024 13:27

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:26

Good grief. Asking isn’t demanding! there are ways to communicate that are polite but letting the mum know where your thoughts are. No one wants a situation of birthday girl sat alone with no one showing up to the party. Making assumptions and decisions without communicating honestly and openly causes this to happen and that isn’t something a child will forget the rest of their life.

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So rude

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:26

PastaAndProse · 24/11/2024 13:23

Who do you think you are Confused It isn't OPs place to demand that the other mum contact the venue of her own child's party and reschedules it.

OP - you say another child in the same class was ill with it in the past few days. Now this child is. Seems like your DC has already been exposed either way so personally I'd just go with it at this point.

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Good grief. Asking isn’t demanding! there are ways to communicate that are polite but letting the mum know where your thoughts are. No one wants a situation of birthday girl sat alone with no one showing up to the party. Making assumptions and decisions without communicating honestly and openly causes this to happen and that isn’t something a child will forget the rest of their life.

EmotionalSupportPotato · 24/11/2024 13:26

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:20

Yeah it is as she is invited to the party. It’s totally her business too. The mum would want to know if invitees are asking for a reschedule especially if it’s that or no show.

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Seriously? You can't demand someone reschedules.

KoalaCalledKevin · 24/11/2024 13:25

I wouldn't go if she was up being sick all night. I know the mum will have paid a deposit but poor kid - I doubt she'll enjoy her party either! Even if she's perked up a bit I'd bet some excitement and party food will have her throwing up by the end of the party Envy

PastaAndProse · 24/11/2024 13:23

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:15

Since birthday girl was up all night being sick, I would ask the mum to contact the venue to reschedule the party.

Who do you think you are Confused It isn't OPs place to demand that the other mum contact the venue of her own child's party and reschedules it.

OP - you say another child in the same class was ill with it in the past few days. Now this child is. Seems like your DC has already been exposed either way so personally I'd just go with it at this point.

Futurethinking2026 · 24/11/2024 13:23

Whoosher · 24/11/2024 13:18

Also dance class is 10:30-11:15, party isn’t until 3.30pm and down the road, no prep from parent as venue supplies everything including food

I’ve text and asked how friend is feeling and if the party is still on

This sounds like the most sensible option.

Futurethinking2026 · 24/11/2024 13:22

GrumpyCactus · 24/11/2024 13:12

The kids are 5/6 going by the OPs post. Are dance classes seriously so strict for such young children?

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I’ve definitely experienced some that are but OP has verified this isn’t one of them.

(I’d also misread that the class was yesterday and now reread that it was today).

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:20

EmotionalSupportPotato · 24/11/2024 13:18

I wouldn't. It's none of ops business if the mum rescedules

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Yeah it is as she is invited to the party. It’s totally her business too. The mum would want to know if invitees are asking for a reschedule especially if it’s that or no show.

EmotionalSupportPotato · 24/11/2024 13:18

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:15

Since birthday girl was up all night being sick, I would ask the mum to contact the venue to reschedule the party.

I wouldn't. It's none of ops business if the mum rescedules

Original poster
Whoosher · 24/11/2024 13:18

Also dance class is 10:30-11:15, party isn’t until 3.30pm and down the road, no prep from parent as venue supplies everything including food

I’ve text and asked how friend is feeling and if the party is still on

OP posts:
SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 24/11/2024 13:15

Since birthday girl was up all night being sick, I would ask the mum to contact the venue to reschedule the party.

BeNavyCrab · 24/11/2024 13:13

Ooh that's a bit strange. If the mum said she was too unwell to go to dance, I would think that would mean she's also too unwell for her birthday party. If it's a contagious illness then it's unfair to the guests.
I'd probably ask the parent what the illness is. It might be that she was concerned about the physical effort involved in dancing and she thinks her child will be fine with sitting down at the party.

However I would not be surprised if it's purely down to the cost of the party Vs dance class and not wanting to lose the money or upset her daughter by cancelling.
If I found out it was something contagious I'd be tempted to tell the other guests too, especially if you are close friends.

Original poster
Whoosher · 24/11/2024 13:13

She said she was up all night being sick
dance class is really relaxed, people are missing most weeks so no one would have judged/eye rolled
and we pay termly so she hasn’t saved any fees by not going today

seems an odd excuse if it’s not true, surely you’d say she’s tired, or that her sibling is unwell, or anything else really other than the dreaded sickness bug

also, another boy from the school class is also sick this weekend so it’s definitely doing the rounds

I’ll try to verify before I decide but I’m not close to this mom at all, think we’ve spoken about 3 times

OP posts:
JimPanzee · 24/11/2024 13:12

I'd assume it's an excuse to get out of dance because they're getting ready for the party 😏

CaptainMyCaptain · 24/11/2024 13:12

saraclara · 24/11/2024 13:06

Mum will have paid up front for the venue, so a whole bunch of you not turning up will be cruel.

She might have just been fibbing to the dance teacher,: as ' we're busy getting ready for a party' might not go down well?

I suspect this.

GrumpyCactus · 24/11/2024 13:12

Futurethinking2026 · 24/11/2024 13:10

Depends how serious the dance group is. Some ballet teachers are brutal about any absence other than illness.

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The kids are 5/6 going by the OPs post. Are dance classes seriously so strict for such young children?