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AIBU?

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Silent Treatment

65 replies

Kelly1999x · 24/11/2024 11:56

Hi please only kind messages.
my husband has been ignoring me fully and giving me the silent treatment for 5 days. Totally ignoring me as if I was invisible. 5 days ago we had an argument ive apologised many times. We had to borrow mums car, and it needed petrol so I stopped at the petrol station and asked him to please but petrol in it (i would pay) but he said something like no why should I or something and got angry because I parked af the wrong place so I just drove off without getting petrol and he said “this is a f* joke” so out of reaction I said “your a f** joke” I know I shouldnt have and Its totally out of character for me I just snapped to his comments and un willingness to help. I’ve apologised so many times for my comment and made it clear it was in heat of the moment and that I was totally out of line and horroble. I haveng said anything like that ever before. He still is ignoring me and just says “your a f joke” or “leave me alone” has not said anything else. What should I do? Ive said if he wants to leave he can still doesng reply. Feel so bad I didnt mean what I said! Its been 5 days im going crazy!

OP posts:
Kelly1999x · 24/11/2024 12:26

I think deep down there are 3 reasons

  1. embarassment of my marriage failing
  2. worries about how I will cope financially
  3. just if i will regret it all
my mind is just all over the place since he started the ignoring
OP posts:
PenGold · 24/11/2024 12:23

You and your child deserve better than this. I wouldn’t give him another chance. He’s had 5 full days to reflect and hasn’t changed his mind yet.

Kelly1999x · 24/11/2024 12:23

Im so sorry you had to go through that. I have plenty of support♥️ thank you x

OP posts:
WhimsicalGubbins76 · 24/11/2024 12:22

Kelly1999x · 24/11/2024 12:19

thanks. Just don’t know how I would afford bills by myself 😔 If I had the money to know I would be ok by myself I would feel more in control of this situation.

you will cope. Trust me. I’ve been there.

I was in a very physically abusive relationship for years, it was my house we lived in and we weren’t married. I too worried about finances, but after the umpteenth time of being put in hospital I finally found my cojones, kicked him out and found a way to survive. No it wasn’t easy, but by then my family knew what had been going on and they rallied round to help me find my feet.

I cannot express enough the importance of having people on your team that love you. With support, you can get through anything

MadamDicey · 24/11/2024 12:21

To put it bluntly, he is emotionally abusing you .
He's done it before , he will do it again , and deep down, you truly know that .
What does he bring into your life that makes you think you might regret splitting from this cretin?
What if when your child is older, he does the same to them ?
You deserve so much more

Mischance · 24/11/2024 12:21

I'm not sure what you are apologising for - you gave as good as you got.

Ignoring people is so childish. If he won't reply to you, then just send him a message: "You have 24 hours in which to have a proper adult conversation or you are out. The choice is yours."

If he does not respond then start packing his stuff.

Kelly1999x · 24/11/2024 12:19

thanks. Just don’t know how I would afford bills by myself 😔 If I had the money to know I would be ok by myself I would feel more in control of this situation.

OP posts:
WhimsicalGubbins76 · 24/11/2024 12:17

Kelly1999x · 24/11/2024 12:13

we in my mum’s second home - it’s in her name. We have a 2 year old. Yes not the first time, this is how he reacts to conflict. And shouts dont talk to me ect. Been together for almost 10 years. Hard to know what the best thing to do is. Don’t want to regret leaving him or regret not leaving him.

Leave him. You don’t need him and you deserve better!!

You don’t need him for security, you have a roof over yours and your dcs head independently of him.

Tell your mum what has been going on, you need people in your corner that love you.

In the long term, it will be MUCH better for your dc if you are not together. Watching their mum be bullied and treated badly will have a negative impact on their mental health and future relationships

SauvignonBlonk · 24/11/2024 12:16

He sounds nasty OP. Reckon life would be much nicer without him.

Devilsmommy · 24/11/2024 12:13

Anonymityisvital · 24/11/2024 12:01

It's abusive behaviour OP.
He sounds a nasty piece of work.
Dont beg him to talk to you. Just carry on with your own life as normally as you can.
You say you've told him he can leave if he wants: who owns the home?
I think you should be making plans to seperate from this man who is enjoying trading you like this.

All of this. Don't ever beg anyone to talk to you. You're worth more than that. And he was being a fucking joke about the petrol so you didn't even say anything wrong imo

Kelly1999x · 24/11/2024 12:13

we in my mum’s second home - it’s in her name. We have a 2 year old. Yes not the first time, this is how he reacts to conflict. And shouts dont talk to me ect. Been together for almost 10 years. Hard to know what the best thing to do is. Don’t want to regret leaving him or regret not leaving him.

OP posts:
Kelly1999x · 24/11/2024 12:10

Actually crying reading the comments. Have felt so alone since he has been ignoring me cant tell my friends because deep down I know it is wrong. Thank you for replying.

OP posts:
HeadJudgeShirley · 24/11/2024 12:04

He's emotionally manipulating you. He wants to make you feel so awful inside that you don't dare ever question or cross him again. It's outright cruel and he knows it.

Would I be right in assuming this isn't the first time he's done something like this?

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 24/11/2024 12:04

Op, please take the time to re read your message, as many times as it takes to sink in.

you have been apologising time and again for reacting after your dh was an absolute arse, I don’t want to jump to the extreme end of the scale here, but it honestly sounds as though you’re in a mentally abusive relationship. What you’ve described above is gaslighting.
He was rude, aggressive and nasty, you reacted in the way that anyone would, and he’s somehow managed to convince you that you should be hanging your head in shame and deserve to be punished.
From what you’ve described, he is not a good man.

Best advice I can give you? Find your inner strength, stop apologising, recognise your self worth and start acting like you deserve better

Anonymityisvital · 24/11/2024 12:01

It's abusive behaviour OP.
He sounds a nasty piece of work.
Dont beg him to talk to you. Just carry on with your own life as normally as you can.
You say you've told him he can leave if he wants: who owns the home?
I think you should be making plans to seperate from this man who is enjoying trading you like this.