Silent Treatment

I would have said much more than that and I’d have also told him to get out and left him there. Stop grovelling to him and start seeing him for the stupid bastard he is.

Very abusive manipulative behaviour

This is not someone you want to spend any more time with

Awful behaviour

I’ve finally left my abusive husband, OP. It’s been so, so hard but staying would’ve been worse. I feel hope for the future now, despite being in a similar boat to you. You can do this x

Do you have a spare room so you don’t have to sleep in the same bed as him??

You're doing the right thing for your daughter. Silent treatment is a form of coercive control. It is the removal of affection, attention, and communication in order to change your behaviour. Please don't let him do this to your child too.

Speak to womens aid and the police to see if they can advise you on how to make him leave.

I've been there.

Every single one of those worries gets easier with time. Life is a lot calmer and more peaceful now.

You're worth more than this.

He still thinks he can outlast you, I reckon.

It'll take him a while to realise you're serious. He's used to having his own way, it sounds like. You've wounded his ego and unsettled his status in the relationship. He won't be happy until he's ground you down suitably.

I recommend no big gestures or attempts at conversation. He'll be feeding off the drama of it, so keep it low key. Be as outwardly calm as you can. You've issued your ultimatum and he hasn't taken it seriously. Now peacefully go ahead with your plans and forget about his permission or approval. His feelings are really not as important as he thinks they are.

Money problems
Or
Mental safety problems

For you and your child.
It is up to you only.

You tell your mother that you will be contacting the police to have him removed from the house.
Ask for her support.

Contact Women's aid for advice and support too.

If he won't reply, tell him that you will be divorcing him and mean it. Serve papers. My exH was abusive, the silent treatment was just one of his tools of emotional abuse. Get rid of him, you'll have a much better life. It may be tough financially, but the other rewards are worth it.

Tell your mother the truth and tell her what you are planning.
Stop apologising.
He is hugely abusive.

Your marriage is over so you need to read up on detaching emotionally and developing your independence.

He is a bad man and you need to realise that.
You will be much much better off on your own.
Tell your mother the truth and stop engaging with him.
Focus all energy of getting to a place where you can tell the prick to get out.

You must feel so muddled, I bet - of course that's the intention of the silent treatment. It's so worrying that this is pattern in your relationship.

Have you ever read, 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft? It's free to download online as a PDF. It's a great book to read when you're feeling confused like this. There's so much information in there that could help you pick through these thoughts.

He still is ignoring me and just says “your a f joke”

You do realise he's saying the exact thing you said to him - the thing that apparently warranted 5 days of abusive silent treatment? The thing that you've been begging him to forgive you for saying - he's saying back to you? Why is it ok if he says it? If it's sooo wrong that you are apologising so many times, why is he saying it with no consequences?

You need to realise how abusive this is. The hypocrisy from him is astounding and yet you're still apologising.

The only unreasonable thing is staying with this abusive twat. The fact that it would cause him problems if you split up, is exactly that, HIS problem.

If you cannot physically break up with him yet, at least start preparing yourself by emotionally distancing yourself from this prick and getting your financial situation sorted out as much as possible.

I suspect that as he is from a different country and this would impact his ability to see his child, it would also impact your ability to make him financially contribute to said child.

This does complicate matters, but there ARE solutions.

You say you are living in your mum's second home? Do you have to pay her rent? Would she be willing to waive it for a while if you split? Was your marriage unpopular and that's why you don't want to admit failure?

Maybe he should have thought of that before behaving like this.

This is abusive, manipulative and controlling behaviour.

You deserve better than living like this...

1. There is no embarrassment. Your marriage will not have failed. You will have survived an abusive relationship. You will be a survivor. A success story. You will meet someone else, someone who will make you look back on your marriage with utter disbelief that you allowed someone to make you think so little of yourself. You will also become much stronger once you’ve healed. My lovely DH gets a little scared sometimes at how feisty I can become if he so much as gives me a funny look 🤣 I am worlds apart from the 20something I was 18 years ago.
2. You will work it out. Finances are not a reason to stay unhappy
3. That bit is solely on him. If he decides to be an absent father, then your child will be fine. It’s not you at fault

If you stay, your child will learn that this is the way to resolve any conflict. They are very likely ti get into relationships as an adult where they give silent treatment, or end up with someone who gives them the silent treatment. It's much healthier for them to live in a house with you, than two parents who don't speak for periods of time after every minor disagreement. And what do you think your husband will be like with your child when they are pushing boundaries as a teen and start arguing back etc?

The only thing you will regret is spending more time around the abusive bastard. Same goes for the child. An abusive man is not a good father.

I would pack up his stuff and invite him to go elsewhere with his silent treatment. Tell your family what has happened and concentrate on living a nice life without his nasty influence.