To want DH to stop making these comments

I would definitely reply

‘Fucking do something then’

😂 not ideal but that would really get my back up.

"I think you have to say it 3 times and then click your heels together for the tidying spell to work"

Your reply should be "clean it up then"..
Every single time.

Is he a bully?
He sounds like it.
You have asked him not to say this yet he persists.

He is trying to upset you.
Don't rush into more children with suchba man.
One is enough.

Stop doing anything for him.
Laundry and cooking is a good start.

I had a baby and toddler at the time and was run ragged looking after them and never got a break.

Sounds like you're in a similar position. I'm afraid to tell you that with a man who seems this as 'women's work' even though you work...it only gets worse. ☹️

When my other half did this to me one too many times, I stopped doing his washing...to free up more time for me to tidy...😁

@winterberri so ask him what he’s going to do about it?

house is a state.. thanks dearest, if you feel that way you obviously need to do something about it.

cars a tip - bin bags are under sink and I’m hoping you know where the hoover and cleaning stuff is?

toys everywhere - kids will love it if you turn tidying up into a game with them.

turn it back on him. What’s he going to do to help… if he’s not going to help he needs to keep his mouth shut.

The op has said she works and that her work has been demanding lately which has impacted the housework.

I would say, 'Yes, how shall we sort it?'

Get him to take some responsibility.

So you work, but he expects you to do all the tidying, laundry etc? What does he do for his share of looking after the house that you both live in and tidying up after the kids that are his joint responsibility?
Rather than telling him you’re upset by the remarks , get angry and tell him to start pulling his weight and that you’re not his personal maid.

Me and my husband do this but we both do equal cleaning so it's more so we know what area to target.

He has allocated tidying up as A Wife Job.

He needs a reset in how he thinks - this is an Everybody Job.

Agree, 'Yes it is. You sort this room, I'll do that room.'

Misquote the railway thing at him - 'see it - say it - SORT IT'.

Are you messier than he is, though? Are you happy with a level of mess that actively upsets him? As in - Is there a mental reset you could also do?

Hmmn, my DH is very similar.

However. The big difference is that DH is the one that does the bulk of the tidying and cleaning. He accepts that my cleaning is akin to his Level 1 Basic Effort, and I accept that he is genuinely bothered by what I really don't even see. He will remark, huff to himself and set about cleaning up.

(I do other things than make a mess before everyone tells him to leave me).

Yes this.

It is not just the comments that are the issue here. Frankly if he stopped the comments completely but still left everything in the house to you then you still have a problem.

Has he always expected you to be his skivvy, even before the children?

You need to be more direct I've just told my DH he's a dick as I've spent two days painting our DDs room to save a shedload of money and he's said ooh did you need sow tape around the window frames. I said no it will wipe off and needs another coat yet and I knew you'd find a fault somewhere as that's what you always do,
Just come downstairs and he's booked us tickets to go and see Simply Red as a part payment for me decorating, should call him. Dick more often!

Did he do housework before you had DC? What are his parenting skills like? What are his good points?

Tell him you're going to start by getting rid of the single biggest useless object in the house......

Right. So you work and have very young kids and have married a sexist lazy arsehole.

Cleaning is no more your responsibility than it is his.

So get in first. You say 'this place is a tip' implying it's his fault before he does.

I think given the situation all you can do is say “I know, right? Get cracking! “ every time.

Have you asked him directly why he's complaining to you instead of doing something about it?

You work and have two small children. Has he always seen housework as your job? What does he do around the house?

Don't let the fact your husband is a slob hurt your feelings. Either he cleans it or he employs a cleaner or he shuts the fuck up. Just laugh it off and say 'yeah, minging, innit?' with a warm chuckle. Then go back to your meaningful tasks of the day.

My husband used to do this too.

My replies were
"Yes. You should stop making such a mess"
"You're right, it's amazes me everyday that you got to this age and don't have the basic life skill of tidying up"
"I know, did your parents never teach you anything to prepare you for life"
"Do you imagine I'm stopping you from tidying up? Do you think I'll object if the place is tidy?"

I'd start saying it back to him. I used to feel like this with an ex and he did NOTHING around the house, and I was the primary carer for our children and out earned him but he still felt like it was my job. I felt lazy and ashamed hence why he is now an ex.

This is not just on you, reframe your thinking and say, 'yes it is isn't it - time you got your marigolds on'

This is a YOU problem OP

You're internalising these comments as if they're aimed at you. YOU have to stop thinking that. You don't need to feel guilty.

The tidying/hoovering is just as much him so instead agree with what he says "I know, isn't it - you get on with tidying it while I do XYZ".