I’d really like some help with this situation as Christmas is approaching and I want to get it right for my DGrandchildren.
My husband and I married in our 50’s, second marriage for both of us. We have 2 children each, all grown up and married and all with DGC. My adult step children (DM47, DD 44) are each married with DGC and live some distance away. We usually get together with them around Christmas/New Year.
We like to post presents to make sure that the DGC have something to open on Christmas Day. They’re all primary school age. We always ask the parents first for ideas on what the children would like and the answers have ranged from household equipment (think when decorating their new bedrooms) to money for their bank accounts.
For context, we sent flowers to our Step DIL for her birthday. We had no reply and when my husband asked if they had arrived, he was told by his son, ‘Yes but we (!) have a houseful of flowers and we would rather have had money.’
This is what I found so rude. And controlling tbh.
Also for context my own adult children are slightly younger and just tell me what presents they would like me to buy.
We’re happy to put money into bank accounts for my DStepGC but it just seems very impersonal for youngish children and I feel sad that they won’t get to open anything on Christmas Day. I’m not even sure that the children know that we have given them money.
I think that of course we will go along with the parents wishes and put money in and can understand that but perhaps also send a tiny ‘stocking filler’ to each child.
Trying to avoid any drip feeds:
I wasn’t the OW, we met when we were both divorced.
Adult Stepchildren seemed glad that their dad had met someone.
They’re not a very close family and step son is ND.
I’ve used the words Step only so that it’s clear which DGC I’m talking about.
Any ideas? What would you do?