To hate that he locks the door when we're home

Just because other posters like their door locked doesn't mean yabu for wanting it unlocked. You are the one in the house so you get to choose. DH can keep it locked when he's in the house if he wants. unlock it as soon as he's gone, preferably while he's still in earshot. If he asks the answer is always 'I don't want it locked'

We always lock the front door when we’re in. The back door I often leave open in summer though as the garden has a 6’ fence around it. I do make sure the doors are locked when I go out though.

My in laws never lock their front door except for at night and I find it totally bizarre. They’ve got a lovely house and are very well off, I think they have a bit of misplaced confidence that they live in a safe area. They never lock their garage either! I got burgled when we were growing up, so I think I’m more cautious.

You really think it's okay to bother her at work every day, even when she's in meetings. Sorry it's so unprofessional. I've never worked anywhere that this has been a thing.

I'm the same as this. I keep presents hidden until Xmas eve night when I'm home and not going back out. I know people who have been broken into and their presents all stolen.

I have my front locked from when I moved in with my h and baby. Good practice for when the baby grew to reach the handle. Now I live alone it is always locked as soon as I get in. Someone did jump my gate to burgle a neighbours house. I just feel happier with being locked in and I've no idea if he'd tried my back door first. I now have a dog which helps.

We keep our doors locked when we are in, in our old street a guy walked into a neighbour house high on drugs with a knife and stabbed the man and beat his wife before jumping out the top bedroom window!! We didn't live there at the time it happened, we'd moved away. We also used to live by the beach and lots of people would visit in the summer.
You don't know who's walking past, what oppurtunist or nutter.

What is it like for crime where you live? It is hight where I am. I keep my front door locked and chained and my back door (which is reinforced with metal) triple locked due to one burglary and two attempted break ins (one of which involved a man trying to smash his way in through the back window while I was in the bath!) Hence I am very conscious of having everything locked all the time I also have a lock on my back gate and there is another lock on the communal entry gate to the shared back alley. Bin day is a real pain with all those locks and gates to open.

Yabu. Perhaps some of it is a bit OTT but we're all different. I would be the same as your dh tbh, I don't think he's trying to infantilise I think he's just more of a worrier than you.

I always have my doors locked snd when I had a partner if one of us went out leaving the other at home we would lock the door on the way out. It's normal to me unless you like break ins/unexpected visitors.

I mean the texts would annoy me as I'd feel as if he didn't think I was capable of getting the kids to school.
The door thing, I wouldn't be arsed about. I've been in all day, my partner is at work. He locked the front door when he left, I'm sitting about 6ft awah from the back door, but it's also locked, and always is unless we're actively going in/out...

To be honest I am the same. So many opportunists out there. I keep the presents in the loft until christmas morning. I couldn't bear the thought of having to source them all again if they were stolen.

It's completely normal to keep doors locked when at home - most houses I've lived in, the door automatically locks when you close it. I'm not an anxious person but it seems a small and sensible precaution, both to keep others out and children inside. And it saves having to remember to lock up when going to bed, we know it's locked because the last person who came home would have closed and locked it. You can unlock the door from indoors without a key so it's not a fire hazard.

Our back door is always locked although theres no easy access to it from any paths (but it could be possible for someone to climb over a neighbour's fence). So it's kept locked. And we have concrete stairs out there, so dc's are always supervised. We'd keep it unlocked while they play outside but then it's locked again when they come in.

I'm with you OP. I am pretty anal about having the front door locked, as it leads out onto a road where anyone could walk in. The back door however leads into a garden that is pretty secure, with a gate we keep locked, so in the daytime if we are in it is generally unlocked. It does sound like your DH is very anxious and can see how that would get stifling very quickly.

Really, drop off at school?

I'd be turning my mobile off and asking the headteacher to phone my place of work on the landline if there was a school issue. He's batty.

This is incorrect, my partner fell asleep on the sofa one night and didn’t lock our door, we were burgled and both cars taken. Insurances didn’t even asked, just took the crime number and paid us a week or so later. Nobody has the right to enter your home either via an unlocked door or by force

That doesn’t have to be the nature of the interaction. You can say ‘I want it unlocked and will not be locking it while I do XYZ’. Same as the updates - if you don’t want to do them, say that and then stop.

The real issue here seems to be your inability to assert yourself.

Loads of burglaries at Christmas time for presents. Keep them hidden

I always lock my doors.

1 because I used to have a neighbour who’d let herself in.

And 2 because my dog would take herself out for a walk whenever she felt like it.

I don’t have the neighbour or dog anymore but now it’s habit.

I am a bit anxious and my mum has OCD so I think I’ve picked up some bad habits like making sure plugs are switched off etc and it’s something I need to reduce as my DD is picking up on it.

I would be annoyed that he’s texting like that but tbh I’ve texted similar messages and you can’t concentrate until you know the answer.
I have only done it a couple of times though.

I would concentrate on the dropping the kids off text.
Tell how it makes you feel and that you will ring him if there have been any problems.
Or if that’s too much then ask him to increase the time it takes for him to message you about it.

Anxiety like this is awful and it’s something to do with having kids and being on constant alert/protection mode.

Also completely normal. In fact it’s sensible, as it keeping your door locked.

I ask my partner to lock me in if he goes out. It's a shit world and I don't feel safe without all doors locked.

It sounds simply that he sees it as a part of keeping the family safe along with the phone call checks.
And not wrong either.

This is normal for me OP and my DC a friends are and out of each other’s houses all the time. I’m finding most of these replies really weird to be honest.

Anyway just wanted you to know I don’t think you’re irresponsible - or at least if you are, so am I.

Personally for me it wouldn’t be the locking of the door per-se they would bother me but the constant questioning and checking up on me. I personally would find that very controlling, but it seems like I am in the minority here!

Lock your door. Be safe.

@LotteryFights Maybe look at counselling or talking through where his anxiety is coming from?

Whilst some of those are sensible enough requests from him it does seem to take over his life (and yours) a bit.

what does he think will happen if he doesn’t ask about you getting to school every day? What will happen if you can freely walk in and out of your home for a few hours? What’s the likelihood of the bad things happening? What news is he taking in and watching. Does he obsess over doom and gloom stuff? What’s his family and upbringing like?

Has he experienced something when he was younger that’s made him this way?

I’m with your DH. I’ve had someone try to enter through the back door where I used to live. Opportunistic thief I imagine. Thank goodness it was locked.