To hate that he locks the door when we're home

She's not leaving though

I always have front door locked. Stranger walked into my house once. Never again. Back door no. But not open to public.

I don't think I'd mind the door locking. I lock my ds in the house when I leave, and he's a six foot teen. He can unlock it obviously.

Partly habit but partly if a big burly buglar came through the unlocked door, I don't want my teen ds to have to face him.

Expecting a check-in every time you go out is a bit much though. That would irritate me too.

I don't think she said 'berates'.

Do you not have your door open in the summer? We are all in and out of the garden all day and the door is hooked back?

I'm with your DH on this. You are lucky to be with someone safety conscious. My ex was the exact opposite and it caused no end of stress for me.

We have a slam lock so no option really but don't think I locked the door we had previously in the day when we were in...
The constant need for reassurance would annoy me more I think.

You are a slave to his anxiety and that isn’t fair - I remember being obsessed with making sure the back door was locked when I was younger but the truth is if someone wants to get into your house when you are in (and it obviously should be locked when you are out) then locking the back door isn’t going to stop it. Bit the chances of that are miniscule.

He needs some help as how on Earth is he going to cope as kids get older and walk home by themselves go to the park by himslef

I’m with you OP. I hate feeling locked in. I also used to hate when exDP and I were together, and I’d come home to the door locked, and the key IN the lock, so I had to knock on the door to be let in. Used to make me so upset- partly because I’d moved into his house when we moved in together, and it made me feel like an eternal guest.

Our back door is always unlocked when we're home - in summer, it's even wide open during the day

But I don't think it's the door that's the issue - he doesn't even trust you to take your own kids to school - he sounds like a right dick.

I always lock my door. I had a bloke walk in the back door once, off his head and ranting about blood all over him. Turned out to be a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy in the end as he tried to grab my wrist and my dog went for him. Took a good couple of chunks out of his arm and chin before he backed off. Was terrifying.

Balance is required. My daughter was in her kitchen on a sunny day with an unlocked door and in walked a chap and took her purse, opened it removing cash and cards and walked out. She wishes she'd locked the door.

Yes a grandparent had that happen. Came in via the back gate, opened the side door, opened the kitchen door took the handbag and phone that was on charge next to it. Didn’t hear a peep. Nobody noticed till she wanted her phone.

I think after your last update I would be shouting at him. You are an adult and absolutely do not have to answer to him.
You have a locked garden gate, he needs to explain what he thinks will happen if you leave the door unlocked.

Dh locks the front door once he's left for work and I'm still in bed.
Front door is usually unlocked during the day when someone is home.
Back door is always locked out of habit.
The parcel people usually open the front door and leave parcels in the porch. I'm ok with that.

See my post above then where this actually did happen

I don't think this is normal or healthy behaviour from him, no.

I have a friend who locks her doors " to keep out mice and rats!"

No it's not!
It takes only the once for a mescreant to invade your home and you'll never be the same again.
Be proactive.

It may seem dramatic to some to always lock the door, but this comes under the subject of ‘it’s alright leaving it unlocked, until suddenly it isn’t’. We know life is made up of very random things, it only takes a series of events out of your control to place someone in your area who is not up to anything good, things we see on the news have to happen to someone, we are not main characters out of the reach of danger. You say why lock it because you and your child are sitting there, well as rare as it might be, one day you could be sitting there and someone with a weapon is looking for an opportunity, the door being unlocked could be the difference between you going on as normal or you ending up a statistic of violence or murder, it happens and why not to you, just let him lock the door, and if you really want to, then just unlock it, but the world is full of chancers who try doors to see if they are open!

My neighbour had her handbag stolen from off her kitchen table because her side door was unlocked and a random opportunist came in and took it. We always lock our doors now as we never used to whilst home.

It's a habit. I am not anxious but I am in habit of locking behind me in or out no matter whether someone is home or not. DH got into it later too. Tbf we don't leave by back door but as soon as we get in the door get locked.
Basically all lockable door are lock behind me. 🙈

I'm surprised by this thread. My back door to the garden is always unlocked during the day, but the back gate is locked. I'd hate to be locked in by someone else. Im an adult and capable of making my own decisions.

Start throwing it back on him OP. When he asks why it's unlocked, say it's because you needed to go through it. End of conversation. If he says he doesn't like it unlocked then do what he does and tell him that's his issue.

With regard to the drop offs, just reply with a 👍

I agree with a pp. Don't let him drag you into his anxiety.

Our back doors are unlocked in the summer. You are right OP, kids are running in and out and keeping the back door locked is not practical.

I don't think I have ever heard of a family being burgled whilst the family were clearly in the house and moving about inside it, unless the thief was a con artist but locked doors don't protect against them anyway. So his fear of being burgled in this instance is not reasonable.

He sounds really anxious and unable to discern between reasonable anxiety and not. I would not take kindly to be hounded at work to reply to a message asking if the drop off was ok. There is absolutely no reason to think it was anything other than fine. I would expect him to learn to manage his anxious feelings around this, rather than feed it by phoning me every day for reassurance.

Is he autistic? Some autistic people have elevated anxiety.

Ours is always locked. Not the back door as nobody can enter the garden without going though one of the front doors. But still only unlocked if constant in and out.

I left the front door unlocked once as the children had been in and out. I was sat at my desk I could see the front door. A random man just came strolling straight in. We lock the doors. Dh has just gone out. His locked the door behind him. Much better to be in a routine of always locking than forget and void your insurance if someone comes I.