To hate that he locks the door when we're home

I'm confused that you would prefer him to leave the door unlocked when you're asleep? That's so strange!

The key here is where do you live. I never lock my front/side door/French windows in the day time but try to remember lock them at night although don’t always succeed. But I live in an area with incredibly low/non existent crime, for example a friend went away for a month and left all her doors unlocked.
If I lived in a city for example I might be more vigilante.
But I fully appreciate not everyone is the same. My MIL locked the kids in the garden because she was obsessed about being burgled and was convinced that someone would come in the “back French windows” for the ten seconds her back was turned despite the fact to do it burglers would have had to walk 3 miles up a busy railway line scramble over a 10 foot high fence and 50 years of uncleared brambles. Of course because she was never burgled she became even more convinced that her obsessive safety measures were working despite the fact that the much more lax neighbours were also never burgled.

Absolutely this. Its pretty bloody obvious that the H is not behaving normally, and that his obsessive behaviour is impacting on the OP. Its up to him to find ways to manage his anxiety.

That's your choice though. The op can make her own choices too. She chooses to leave it unlocked.

I’m actually surprised at the people who think this is an issue!
first, it’s a safety thing - I always lock myself in, our front and back doors are always locked (although I used to never lock them until I had a weird pal who would just walk in haha).
second, it’s a habit thing - leave the house lock the door.

We keep all doors locked. If we go out, we turn the key and unlock it. No biggie. I don’t think he sounds anxious, just normal homeowner stuff.

Me and my DH also message each other to say drop off ok? Most of the time it’s no eventful but sometimes we say ‘DS was a bit teary’ or Headmaster mentioned XYZ at the gate.

All this stuff is normal.

Of course I lock both doors when I'm in the house. I wouldn't dream of leaving either unlocked. Leaving the door unlocked is just an invitation to thieves.

So you were still in bed and you wanted him to leave the doors unlocked?!

I totally get you @LotteryFights - you are an adult and can leave the door unlocked if you wish to do so. His wish to have it locked does not trump your wish to have it unlocked, and I wouldn't take the lecturing well either.

There are people who walk into a house through an unlocked door and grab handbags/valuables/car keys etc. sometimes it takes hours before the household realise these things are missing. If you're not bothered about that then leave it open.

The ringing you/anxiety thing is a separate issue imo. Not the door locking.

Yes it was! Unless we are physically staying on the room with the unlocked door now they are locked. This was in what would be considered a nice area too so was unusual in that someone would even think to do this

Too many people focusing on the back door and not on the fact that OP's husband doesn't even trust her to do the school run without ringing her incessantly about it.

We also lock and chain our door when we're in but that's because our daughter is autistic (4yo) and got out once and ran off down the street so I have major anxiety now, and when I go on my driving lessons my gran baby sits and I wait to hear the chair go on before I leave. Is there a reason or a particular member he's worried about? Or a pet?

** lock them! I am not partial to the taste of windowlene!

We had someone try our door handle recently, this was with people in the house too. keep it locked x

That would piss me off, OP. I think it’s sensible to keep home security in mind but questioning why it’s unlocked when you’re just doing household work is a bit OTT in my opinion. Your husband needs to chill, just a little.

Awful OP. My back door is unlocked mostly when we are home because I am in an out of the garden and outside buildings during the day as are the kids. The chances of a mass murderer coming over the wall and into the house in a normal residential area are beyond slim and anyone who is stressing and panicking about this has unneeded anxiety. A bit like fear of flying or fear of going up high in case you fall off a building. Yes it might happen 1 in a million but the stress and anxiety around the door locking and getting the kids to lock and unlock the door each and every time would ruin my present life far more than some minuscule chance of someone intending harm coming in.

I was sitting a metre away from the backdoor when someone started opening it. I shouted at him and he gave up. At the same time DH heard another person trying to get into our car.

He used to have the same attitude as the OP about locking doors. We have number locks on the two back doors so you don't need a key to get in or out, better lighting at the back door and he is way more careful.

Opportunist thieves, even in broad daylight, are a real thing and it is sensible to lock doors, even a back door when not in use.

In the summer I leave my french doors wide open, but if I am in the house myself and going upstairs I'll close and lick them.

Closing and locking a door if the kids are playing in the garden is strange though.

Do you sit there all day or do you occasionally go upstairs or to the toilet? When you do those things do you lock the door before you go?

I'm with you op. You are a grown woman, you can decide if you want the doors locked when you are home just like he can decide what he wants when he is home. Questioning you on your decision isn't ok.

Well, I guess this depends on where you live. But we've had instances locally where people have got into houses through unlocked back doors (when the occupant was in the house) and stolen things. And people who've been in their house and seen intruders come into their garden. Would you be comfortable if you were sat by an unlocked back door and someone you didn't know came into the garden?

I'm also guessing you don't lock the door if you go to the toilet or into the kitchen to make a drink?

Was this summer with children running around the house and garden making noise, using the very door the thief would have to come in by, or was this a quiet house where the thief could hear no-one was in the kitchen from outside?

OP will also know her neighbourhood. I once left my purse on the passenger seat in my car, parked on the road outside my house, for several days till I realised it was gone. No-one smashed my car window to take it. Some neighbourhoods are very safe.

We always lock our door behind us regardless of whether the other person is in. Hear too many stories of folk walking into houses when someone is in. Not weird in the slightest.

I'm with you on this one OP. It sounds incredibly infantilising- you're a grown woman capable of making your own risk assessment, and it's pretty normal to leave your back door unlocked eg to let kids go in and out.

FWIW we frequently leave our front door on the latch when we pop to the shop if someone else is home. We're in a reasonably rough bit of London (by some standards, I find it fine) and not had any problems