Exciting idea or madness.

Do you have enough saved up to pay the rent etc for as long as you might live?

I think you need to have a serious talk with dh and if he wont talk tell him the potential implications of that - ie you both living separately, which would benefit you more than him from the sounds if things

So he wants a lifestyle that is reliant on you making it work by doing all the hard work.

Unless he is a complete idiot he must see how unfair this is.

You are both getting older. Frankly you won't be able to do all the physical work it takes to run a big place so what he wants won't really be relevant will it.

Added to this the issue of how the rent will be paid once you retire, it's just unrealistic that you stay.

This isn't to do who who wants what but simply what you can afford and what you can physically handle.

Big conversation needed where you present him with these facts If he is not willing to face reality then your whole relationship is somewhat doomed for more reasons than this house

Makes me wonder how anyone sustains a relationship when the solution to any conundrum is 'go without him'.

There is this adult thing called 'having a conversation'

That's not how relationships work.

This
In fairness to your OH, u need to discuss it with them

Just something you might explore in your own time, and privately by yourself. I don't know your ages but it might be worth checking out over 55s accommodation council provided. That may want you to put your hands in the air in horror and say NO, NO, NO!

But just check it out anyway. From what I hear it is far easier to secure such properties than it is to acquire a family home. If you found one in an area suitable for both of you, then firstly it would be affordable, and secondly you will have security of tenure for the rest of your lives. Worth checking out before you dismiss it anyway I'd say.

Compromise is the way to go here. But you do really have to point out to DH the imbalance in household chores applicable to both of you. And the additional costs of living rurally also. What if you went on strike!

I think you might have an attack of the vapours at the age cohort housing though, but please don't dismiss it until you have explored it fully. In the context of your DH failing health, accessible properties like these might be an absolute godsend too.

I would agree with aiming to be a Townie! As a 67 yr old who lives alone, I can assure you that living more than five minutes from a good train/bus/tram and shops, docs, and hospitals is just NOT on my agenda and never will be now! Of course I did dream of a rural idyll but the practicality of that was zero really. And there is safety (even if it's just a perception) where there are more people around.

I own my own house, never previously married, nor do I have kids. Sounds like a sad life on paper, but it thankfully is amazing. The freedom! I do have some spare cash and a reasonable pension though, so that really helps.

I am going to be very nosey and maybe a bit intrusive, but is there any reason why you don't own a property together given the working and income history of your DH and you? Maybe funds were swallowed up in divorce settlements, but surely both of you would have ended up with something - if there was something there to begin with I suppose.

I wish you well. Discuss it of course, but if DH becomes obstinate you will just have to reach a mutually suitable compromise otherwise there is only a resentful and frugal future ahead of you both.

Living rurally can get very difficult as you age, with more medical appointments and very often, not being about to drive anymore. City living in my view is much easier in old age.

A city centre flat with a wrap around balcony is going to be very expensive. Can you afford it?

OP it sounds a brilliant adventure that solves a lot of problems in one go. Also as we get older need to think ahead so preempt problems. How to manage if health declines, how to manage if one person left on own etc. It’s better to make a positive choice rather than having to react in a crisis.

It sounds as though it will be great for more family connections for you. Is DH close to your family? Your current situation sounds as if you have outgrown it and it all sounds very one way. Can you both have a positive conversation about how you see your retirement together? Then if you know what’s most vital/desirable for one another hatch plan? Or just go for your brilliant idea🤣

I live in Manchester. It's fabulous but the well set-up city centre flats are pretty pricey. That said, I'd go for it

You need to figure out how to get his head out of the sand and have the conversation. Your current situation is only sustainable because you're facilitating it hugely.

It's not fair on you. Make yourself bigger and more of a priority for both of you.

We live in a house 10 mins walk from Manchester city centre and we plan to retire into an apartment in the centre. Ideal for old age

Makes total sense to downsize and to be closer to family, but maybe city centre apartment is too much of a leap?

How about a smaller house somewhere close to Manchester, like Hebden Bridge etc? Somewhere that won't be as much of a culture shock?

I think its an eminently sensible idea. Many people move from rural to urban areas as they age and their needs, wants and abilities change. Doing all the maintenance on a house and garden is time consuming and physically demanding. Plus there are more options for activities, many cheap or even free, in towns and cities.
OH needs to be realistic and think about your future life in the country.
One thing though, I would caution you to read the small print of the lease agreement regarding service charges as it sounds expensive ..

Hasn’t he got any savings from when he was working and earning well?
The house clearly isn’t going to be sustainable much longer, or it’s location come to that. Ask him see what he says.

Will you ever be able to retire? Are your savings sufficient to buy a property, even a small one bedroom flat?

Please stop and think about it, OP, said with kindness.

City flat with an allotment near by? Maybe one where you can have a shed, or summer house with a gas ring so you can heat water for drinks or cook a simple meal?

then think about days out, where you can go out of the city, parks, historic houses to get to that open rural feeling that he likes. If the money is more manageable suggest you can then have country holidays etc.

failing that then ducks in a row unfortunately. 💐

@Rainydaysbeforesun can you not have a conversation about the garden and all the work falling to you being too much, that you won’t be able to fund this when his work dries up completely and how does he see things working? Don’t mention the move yet but all the things you said - cover the ‘what if you or he can’t work, can’t drive’ and so on … you want to have a plan that sets up your future in your terms … not have decisions made for you because you didn’t prepare?