Mother buying everything for my baby

Don't even think about the interaction with the clothes. Of course you don't want someone in your life that tells you they could take your baby and they wouldn't even remember you. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I would have hated that, too, OP. I absolutely loved buying my baby's clothes etc and wouldn't have wanted a huge bag of "everything I needed".

When my GD was born and all was well at the 20 week scan, I took my son and DIL to John Lewis and told them to choose whatever they wanted for the baby and that I would pay. I did buy something myself that day but gave it to them later. It was like Christmas Day, watching them choose such lovely things for the baby - and you know what, they weren't necessarily things I would've chosen if I was pregnant, but that didn't matter. It was what they wanted. It's their baby.

But there is a difference between what you’re describing and what the OP said which is that the clothes were not to her taste. Not torn stained or dirty.

You sound very much like a relative of mine OP. She is someone who finds fault with everything. She is permanently on the defensive and sees normal interactions as controlling, rude, offensive or traumatic. She will go on and on about things years later when nobody has a clue what she is on about because to everyone else it was just a normal human interaction.
The end result is that this person has no friends, nobody in her life apart from her children and partner and she makes it extremely difficult to maintain any kind of relationship with.

TBH I would have taken it and then kept the bits I wanted and given away the rest.
But if you have been NC with your mother for a long time I suspect there were strains in your relationship even then and likely this wasn't the first time she had overstepped.

This
I didn't have much money when I was pregnant with fist born
I went to every single charity shop and bought the bits I liked/could afford
My mother went out and bought me a pram and cot (I had no say in this)
Then she went out and bought a shit ton of tatty crap (clothes,snowsuits,booties etc)
I would have been ashamed to put it in the bin,it was so bad-torn,stained,tatty tat
She then binned all the stuff I'd bought and when I hit the roof,she acted all hurt and claimed she was only trying to help (utter bollocks)
It was her way of claiming my baby for herself-but only in front of others
The bits where I needed support,she was nowhere to be seen/screaming down the phone at me that I was such a shitty parent for not knowing what was wrong with my 'easy' screaming baby
I wasnt-i was just new to it and needed a bit of a helping hand

I'm now nc and she can't see why

There needs to be a single word that reflects “no good deed goes unpunished”. I can understand pregnancy hormones skewing your thinking, however as a rule if people do something nice for me or my children - even if it’s not the thing I particularly want - I accept it with good grace. I dont fall out with people, and I don’t dwell on issues from 14 years ago (barely remember them) and have a happy warm family life.

People who aren’t physiotherapists using terms around narcissism, control and gaslighting tend to be unhappy and dwell on things.

She did what her generation expected- young couples were fairly poor and so gender neutral clothes were bought by well meaning grandparents.

She didn't sit there and plot how horrible she could be!

If this is the worst trauma in your life you should be thanking your very very lucky stars.

Yes rude and ungrateful to actually refuse a gift.

I'd ask if she wants them back after they've been worn. I've read too many stories here of people asking for clothes back 2 million years later

If you’ve never experienced controlling parenting who does exactly that under the guise of generosity then count yourself lucky

There’s no need for that.

People with controlling/narcissist parents don’t realise the sneaky little ways they intercept control into your lives, and often you don’t realise until the penny drops about the control and you look back. There’s OBVIOUSLY so much more to this back story and sneery little remarks aren’t helpful. Why did you make that comment? Did it make you feel better to stick the boot into an OP who’s obviously going through it at the moment?

“Buying babies first outfit” with husband ?? Is that thing? I don’t even remember what the first thing I bought for my daughter was. As it was she was underweight, and my sister very kindly went out and bought some “tiny baby” baby-grows, for which I was very grateful.

You also can’t “jinx” a pregnancy.. “jinxing” doesn’t exist.

This is where you say, thanks, we've got some stuff/we want to choose our own things. Can we keep it here for when we visit - then we don't have to bring anything

OK so for some reason I thought she gave you a bag of your old clothes - so I wouldn’t charity shop them but I would tell her to return them but pick a few out

I didn’t read this as you went NC with your mum because she bought some baby clothes OP, if that’s what people are thinking?
I get it actually. And I’ve never heard that German expression about controlling but it fits my own mother to a T!
My mum was similar, always rushing to get all my first child’s first whatever, all through their childhoods. Lots of stories there, and the individual incidents don’t sound bad but accumulated it added up to perpetually undermining me. I’m not remotely NC with mine, but I do get it I think.

I get it OP, I LOVED buying things for my DD1 - we didn’t find out the sex either until she was born but even buying beige and white and yellow was so much fun and a bit of a reprieve of joy from the chronic heartburn and reflux, waddling, back ache and other pregnancy symptoms. However I’d have taken them, picked out a few nice things I wouldn’t get elsewhere and taken the rest to the charity shop (and I’d have been honest too).

My mum behaved inexplicably like a weirdo when I was pregnant. It wasn’t even her first GC! I remember her sending me picture of a lovely blanket that had Simba on it that she’d bought and I replied something along the lines of “Thank you, we’ve got loads of blankets now” in a “isn’t that good I won’t have to worry about buying any more”. She misinterpreted what I said, took a huff and returned it!! I think as her only DD she was trying to make a mark on my first baby in a profound way and was very sensitive over it all

There's usually a back story........

Far too harsh. Can people not just be polite anymore 🤦‍♀️ take it in the spirit it’s meant instead of twisting it into some kind of warped competition to buy a first blanket.

Are you really still going on about something so trivial 14 years later. My mum showed zero interest in my pregnancy or child. Perhaps you would have preferred this.

I'd have said thanks very much and if I wanted to buy my baby's first things, I'd have bought them all myself anyway.

Is your mum like this a lot?

Had she got form for this?

Putting a biscuit on a plate? How very controlling!! The assumption that she wants a biscuit! Or maybe he is subtly commenting the she is too thin. Or too fat and can't last a minute without a biscuit. LTB immediately!
I agree, some people are just looking for something to be offended about. I don't envy that kind of life.

YABU and ridiculous . You must lead a very boring life if buying baby vests is exciting and if you are still thinking about this complete non event 14 yrs later .

YABU give your head a wobble