Daughter getting fat in school

If she’s expressed she’s unhappy about her weight can’t you just have a kind and supportive discussion with her about managing the problem?

Why did you send her to boarding school?
Bring her back

Having experience of boarding school I guarantee the core diet will be well balanced and regular exercise will not be negotiable. The Matron and Housemistress would without a doubt have picked up on disordered eating very quickly and alerted OP and the school GP. OP will also have BUPA as part of the fees - honestly I don’t understand why she has not definitively ruled out a medical cause before jumping to the conclusion she has. All the resources and support will be in place. My take is she would rather be angry at the school than manage her child’s health because being angry is easier and less scary than looking for the cause when the family has already been through a lot with DC’s tumour surgery and assumed life would go back to normal

We don't know that they are not encouraging a healthy diet, but they are also making food available in the evenings so that the children aren't hungry and feel more at home (is my guess). Learning to manage your own eating as a young person is better than having food restricted. It must be a tricky balance to get right.

I was "that type of girl".
I started taking the pill when I was 14. Not because I was out shagging boys every night (I wasn't) but because my first period lasted 3 months. My second period lasted 7 weeks and my third period lasted 2 months. I was bleeding heavily, passing out and I became severely aenemic.
Maybe there's more going on with your DD than she's telling you because she's scared of your judgy attitude.
Not every girl on the pill as a teenager is some insatiable whore.

One thing is obvious - the dd is not happy. She also definitely has a dysfunctional relationship with a mother who insists that a child who has been through major surgery and subsequently put on an astonishingly large amount of weight in a short amount of time is “very happy.”

@joey197860 If you're still reading please listen.

If you take your D to see a doctor, please allow her some privacy.
You've not given her age but if she's 15 or thereabouts, there may be questions she wants to ask a doctor, or they may ask her, that are private.

Given some of your posts, I suspect your D won't express anything with you being there which she feels may upset you.

We don't know if she's at a single sex school or not. Or if there is any mixing with local boys' schools at weekends. Joint social events?

But take it from me, teens do go on the Pill and also have sex, when they are under age. Having worked in boarding schools I can assure you that girls do go on the Pill and do have sex, often unknown to their parents.

Doesn't sound like there is a mystery - she is eating too much because she can.

Or she is not as happy as you think and its comfort eating.

Isn't it not that likely that this is medical because @joey197860 wasn't warned by the consultants. If the surgery might provoke some kind of endocrine response after a few months, she'd be told. Even if it was 1:million chance, she'd be told.

And because her reaction is to change schools,(to take her D away from the temptation of rubbish food) it suggests she doesn't think it's related to the surgery at all - or a specialist would be her first move.

Considering the 'brutal' discipline at home, I'm wondering if her D has low self worth and is being bullied at school?

Is it an all girls boarding school or mixed?
Is she a weekly boarder?
How does she behave/eat at home?

So many unanswered questions around all of this.

She won't admit being unhappy to her Mum, because she (the mum) likes to think everything it hunky dory - that she's happy, excelling, well adjusted etc.

If this is not medical, it's saying' Help! Why can't you see I'm unhappy.'

My parents thought I was fine and happy at boarding school because I felt I had to be so I didn't let them down. What they do not know now is that I am having group therapy for ex-boarders, there are thousands of us who are reeling from the after effects of being sent away from home which often manifests in our 40s and 50s. There was no abuse per se, this is "just" the effects of being sent away from the family to live in an institution

I was actually broadly happy at my small and friendly boarding school (only went for 4-5 years and was 12) but it's interesting you should post this as I'm in my 40s and feel the impact a lot recently. Perhaps now my own children are getting to that age, I'm reflecting on it more.

Can you not ask her to avoid junk food? 4 months to gain 3 stone is a lot, I’d be pushing the medical side of things, especially if it’s post surgery. Otherwise if this was over the course of two years, I would just suggest hormonal.

Wegovy her in her sleep - oh no you can't as she doesn't live with you....

This is a large amount of weight gain in a short period of time - I think you daughter needs to see a doctor.

Surely the school have a duty of care to the students???? Why aren't the encouraging a healthy diet?

I agree and those questions are important but unfortunately I can't imagine the op handling any of those questions very sensitively.

I have a 12 inch lateral cut post hysterectomy. The surgery was incredibly draining and awful. I would want to keep an eye on the incision as it can easily herniate. More than 50% of midline incisions fail. And I cannot begin to talk about the mental health of someone, who’s been through this surgery. The gynaecologist told me it would take longer to recover from this surgery than open heart surgery.

Therefore I really don’t understand the reasoning behind sending her to a new boarding school when she could attend as a day student.

It sounds like her hormones may have been disrupted by the surgery. Is she on any replacements? Steroids in this context won't be affecting her weight; they're just replacing what her body should be producing. More likely she may have growth hormone or thyroid hormone deficiency if her anterior pituitary has been damaged; the former will make her put on weight on her body while her arms and legs remain stick-like. Also - a bit controversial but standard levothyrxine replacement for her thyroid may not be enough & she may need T3 therapy. But she needs blood tests for this. Is she complaining of being cold, and do her eyebrows look more sparse than normal? These are two things pointing to a thyroid issue.

Exactly what I was going to ask and whether she is on any steroid medication ?

Maybe seeing an endocrinologist might be beneficial. My friend had a pituitary gland tumour removed as a teenager and has had weight problems all her life due to the lack of hormones combined with steroids needed.

Careful OP. If you’re not careful then how will your daughter EVER find a husband.

Could you write a detailed explanation of what sort of teenage girl you think takes the pill?

Ask for an endocrinologist referral. GP are generalists. To gain this much so quickly she would have to have been eating almost constantly - matron and house mistress would have picked up on this.

Have her periods stopped? Or has she had any vision changes? My DD had a massive weight gain (despite healthy eating and plenty of exercise) and it was down to a prolactinoma, a benign growth on the pituitary gland. It was missed by her pediatrician until I brought the missing periods to her attention. If your DD is uncomfortable talking about stuff like that with her doctor (my DD was) they may have missed it. A blood test showed the presence of the prolactin which was followed up with an MRI.

Fortunately my refusal to accept the doctor's lectures about healthy eating and exercise (both of which DD did) and going back for further evaluation meant that it was caught while it was still small. It is being treated by bi-weekly tablets which have shrunk it. DD may have to take them for life, but it is under control.

My cousin's DD had a similar growth and unfortunately only found out about it when it squashed her optic nerve causing temporary blindness. The growth was too large for drug treatment and she had surgery. Forunately she made a full recovery.

OP has been asked this loads but keeps avoiding answering it for some reason

Sorry to hear about that.
It does seem very off-hand.

The school doctor is usually a regular gp who runs a clinic at the school. As good or as bad as any other gp. We have 2 that come to school one man and one woman. They are linked to the local gp surgery and do blood tests etc same as normal.

Main difference is you can get an appointment usually the same week/within a few days and the appointments are a bit longer/less rushed.