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Original poster

Daughter getting fat in school

561 replies

joey197860 · 24/11/2024 07:49

Teenage daughter has gained 22kg in new boarding school. No medical explanation for it and she's very happy, wrll integrated and academically excelling. School has a shop on site and girls have access to kitchen in the evenings. Daughter had major surgery last year and specifically should not eat sugar loaded food. What am I to do? I want to pull her from the school at the end of this term. The school is absolutely no help when I discussed this with them.

OP posts:
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knitnerd90 · 24/11/2024 08:57

You sound far more concerned about controlling your daughter's weight and food intake than about either her health or her happiness. Pulling her and controlling her diet at home is a recipe for creating an eating disorder if she doesn't already have one. And you're bang out of order expecting the school to change rules for all girls because you think keeping the kitchen closed is a good idea.

WhySoManySocks · 24/11/2024 08:56

Gaining 1kg per week every week would need a MASSIVE change in diet if it came from overeating alone. You need to stop blaming her and take her to the specialists who treated her tumour, rather than blaming her and the school.

Poor girl.

Haroldwilson · 24/11/2024 08:52

joey197860 · 24/11/2024 08:33

I could send her to day school. No pocket money and healthy packed lunches. I servecmy children home made healthy meals, plenty if fruit available for snacks and the occasional home made cake. There is no shortage of healthy food at home.

She doesn't live at home though, does she?

Can't understand why anyone would send kids to boarding school unless absolutely necessary, it's just posh orphanage

leftfootinletfootout · 24/11/2024 08:49

Op wants to blame everything on the school

Onlycoffee · 24/11/2024 08:47

joey197860 · 24/11/2024 08:19

I don't believe it's comfort eating. We are a very communicative open family. She now has stretch marks all over herlegs, hips, back of hips.

How do you know that? That seems quite intimate and intrusive to know about a teen girl.

Wheresthekitten · 24/11/2024 08:47

Why are you boarding her?

PollyPut · 24/11/2024 08:44

HundredAcreOwl · 24/11/2024 08:41

OP said there'd be no pocket money, presumably to avoid this possibility.

Show quote history

OP is being unrealistic I think. If she moves her to another school and wants her to make friends, then as they travel home together they are likely to buy snacks or share snacks after a long day at school. If her daughter never has any money and can't join in then it's going to be harder for her to make new friends at the new school.

And she's already changed schools a couple of times.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/11/2024 08:44

joey197860 · 24/11/2024 08:05

Most weight gain is over the last 4 months.

Gained 3.5st in a few months os not good or healthy

Scarfitwere · 24/11/2024 08:43

joey197860 · 24/11/2024 08:10

I am at my wits' end. The school doctor said no medical reason. I'm tempted to bring her to our local GP.

You haven't taken her to an actual gp yet? This is surely the first step after gaining such an alarming amount of weight in a matter of months. It could easily be something related to the surgery, you just don't know, and nor will a 'school doctor'. The way you talk makes it sound like you are an extremely hands off parent and want everything to be someone else's responsibility to sort.

Thegrassisalwaysgreenerish · 24/11/2024 08:43

Having a tumour removed is major and the hormones connected to this illness can cause weight gain no?
I'd say you should explore medical reasons and rule out other tumours no?
As I understand it unexplained weight gain is a cause for concern medically.
Also as i understand things, the body reacts to tumours or stressful events by laying down reserves.
Also emotionally that's a huge thing to go through as a teen.
I am not a doctor, but definitely would've thought this was the first concern.

Hoping it's just chocolate the though! Also I went to boarding school, and there was lots of eating disorders around me... so take care of pushing her the other way!

Wherethewildthingsfart · 24/11/2024 08:43

My First thought would be her physical health rather than her size.

It’s a worrying amount of weight to have put in a short space of time but having had a tumour removed makes me even more concerned that it’s something that needs addressing with the GP.

RedHelenB · 24/11/2024 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This.

Zonder · 24/11/2024 08:42

joey197860 · 24/11/2024 08:06

Good God, no! She's not that type of girl.

Not what type of girl?

I'm not sure anyone can ever say that about our teens, whatever you actually meant by it. There's been a big chance in her in the last few months. She could turn out to be any type of girl. Lots of change can happen in the teen years.

Cozylozy · 24/11/2024 08:42

Comfort eating, if you’re really at your wits end why not bring her home?

olympicsrock · 24/11/2024 08:41

OP - a few questions
How old is your daughter?
Had she already gone through puberty ( gained hips and had a growth spurt) before the weight gain
What is her weight and height ?
what sort of tumour did she have removed?
Have you asked her what she has been eating , and what does she say?
How is her academic work going ?

HundredAcreOwl · 24/11/2024 08:41

PollyPut · 24/11/2024 08:36

children who go to day school will still buy snacks on the way home, so don't assume there would be no unhealthy snacks at all. It would be a huge change for her. Has she started gcses yet (year 10)?

But you need to see GP first in case this is something much more serious.

Show quote history

OP said there'd be no pocket money, presumably to avoid this possibility.

DeanElderberry · 24/11/2024 08:40

That level of weight gain over a few months is unnatural. She needs to see a medical consultant who knows her history, not a school doctor, and the fact that the school haven't picked that on up and acted on it would make me question their suitability to look after any child.

pinkdelight · 24/11/2024 08:39

LauraNorda · 24/11/2024 07:52

Pulling her from the school is no good. She needs to learn some self-control.

Ah yes, self-control, that's the solution to weight issues. Why didn't anyone tell us it was so simple!!

ShinyPebble32 · 24/11/2024 08:38

How much has she grown in height in this time? Do you know what range her bmi is in?

PollyPut · 24/11/2024 08:36

joey197860 · 24/11/2024 08:33

I could send her to day school. No pocket money and healthy packed lunches. I servecmy children home made healthy meals, plenty if fruit available for snacks and the occasional home made cake. There is no shortage of healthy food at home.

children who go to day school will still buy snacks on the way home, so don't assume there would be no unhealthy snacks at all. It would be a huge change for her. Has she started gcses yet (year 10)?

But you need to see GP first in case this is something much more serious.

DreamyRedNewt · 24/11/2024 08:36

What type of tumour did she have? This is so relevant

Original poster
joey197860 · 24/11/2024 08:36

Thank you. This is very helpful. I will go down this line of medical investigations.

OP posts:
TheDowagerCountessofPembroke · 24/11/2024 08:36

Is she a weekly boarder, so home with you over the weekends? How is she food wise then?

Rosscameasdoody · 24/11/2024 08:36

SardinesOnGingerbread · 24/11/2024 08:30

OP, I’m so sorry that I can’t stay on thread right now, but I’m just going to post again to strongly suggest you speak to your oncology team. I’m extremely surprised that any recent tumour isn’t still on 3-4 month follow up, and that they haven’t already picked this up, but in case this isn’t a discussion you’ve had with them I’d want you to call this week.

OP hasn’t mentioned cancer. I assumed the tumour was benign, but have just seen an update where OP says it could have affected hormones. I’d be investigating this as one possible cause.

Alicecatto · 24/11/2024 08:34

joey197860 · 24/11/2024 08:20

Yss, the tumour could have affected hormones.

There you go. She needs to see the doctor.