Daughter getting fat in school

Kids can be in boarding school for all sorts of 'needs must' reasons. I know it was a much much better option to allow me a childhood than staying home. I also know I was greatly loved. I was happy and made great friends, great memories. Yes, eating disorders are more prevalent, but the same can be said for all girls schools.

It is not fair to keep lambasting the Op. She is worried. She wants the best for her daughter. If anything, the medical team/person dealing with the original tumour should have had follow ups in place.

I hope all goes well for you and your daughter Op.

How is this relevant ? OP hasn’t disclosed any of the details regarding te reasons for boarding school - could be DD’s own choice.

If you hadn’t been so focused on the contraceptive issue you’d have seen that there is an underlying surgery related possible reason and OP has already seen her GP, and is taking her back for blood tests. OP hasn’t said how old her daughter is - teenage could just as easily mean 13 as 16. And if someone had suggested contraceptives as a reason for my 13 year old’s weight gain l’d respond similarly.

I would be extremely concerned the tumour has returned. Request a scan whilst you are there op. It can present as ‘weight gain’ but a huge tumour is heavy and will look like weight gain.

If it isn’t that, then she has an eating disorder which is a mental health problem, and you will need to find a specialist that can work through her triggers for over eating. She will need talking therapies and potentially some support as she recovers.

Please be mindful about your language, using the word fat could make things even worse. No teen is going to feel happy in this situation, she doesn’t need it pointing out to her. Start with the GP take it from there.

Comment deleted as wrong thread.

Why would she remain under hospital care and what do you mean by that?

Ive had 3 tumours removed, once they're removed, job done, they dont need to see you anymore

Vanishingly rare a short time after having a hormone related tumour removed ? 3.5 stone in four months would have to be as a result of world class bingeing. There would be evidence of it. Medical is much more likely here.

I dont know where OP is, UK or Dubai but the point still stands that lots of the responses on here are exactly why we struggle with obesity in this country

It is perfectly easy to eat 1k calories that you dont need every day, without trying. I have put on similar amounts of weight in the past, there is a myth about weight loss that 'you put it on slowly so you need to lose it slowly'

Well many of us didnt put it on slowly, it came on like this! Due to food availability, the social setting of eating out, drinking out (not applicable to a school child obviously). You only need extra toast with butter, a few milky fancy drinks and thats your extra 1000 calories a day. Easily done in a setting where the intake isnt checked like it would be at home

She does need to be seen to ensure that nothing hormonal is going on following the operation but either way if she has free and ready access to tasty treats then its likely the solution is fairly straightforward.

Most people are leaping to comfort eating or PCOS or a hormone problem and struggling to understand how easy it is to put on weight that quickly. It is unfortunatley very easy. And whether she has PCOS or not she'll still need to eat less if she wants to lose weight and OP indicates her daughter is not happy with the weight gain.
Whether she is comfort eating is another matter but given her history of boarding and that she is happy with that, it seems unlikely.

My 3 stone weight gain over five years including pregnancies and the early parenting years is that simple.

A teenage girl gaining that much in a few months who has just had major surgery to remove a tumor that can affect hormone levels isn't that simple at all. Nor is rapid weight gain in a teen who's been boarding since she was in primary school.

It's likely physical, a consequence of whatever medical condition she has. It may be an eating disorder. Whatever it is, I would be very surprised if it was simple.

And has recently had surgery to remove a hormone related tumour. This kind of weight gain in such a short space of time is more likely to be medical - even more so given the past medical history. Lots of posters here ignoring the medical issues and going straight for OP’s jugular because she ‘sent her DD away to school’ as one poster put it. OP hasn’t given the reasons for boarding school and nor should she. But it’s certainly clouding the judgement of many posters if the reprehensible comment upthread ‘ putting your daughter in kennels’ is anything to go by. It may well have been DD’s choice because it certainly doesn’t sound as though it’s forced.

OP, you mention that you feed your CHILDREN healthy meals.

Are your other children also at boarding school, or just the daughter you are currently concerned with?

Speaking from experience, boarding schools are rife with addictions and eating disorders. Many children feel a loss of control and autonomy and exert this in other ways, such as disordered eating, alcohol and drugs. It becomes a coping mechanism, because there is nowhere private to express your emotions and you learn to shut them down.

(My parents thought I was fine and happy at boarding school because I felt I had to be so I didn't let them down. What they do not know now is that I am having group therapy for ex-boarders, there are thousands of us who are reeling from the after effects of being sent away from home which often manifests in our 40s and 50s. There was no abuse per se, this is "just" the effects of being sent away from the family to live in an institution).

When you say she "could be a day pupil", why on earth is she not? Can't tell you the number of ex-boarders who speak of their heartbreak at being so close to home, but not AT home. Especially when she has been through such a big surgery. My heart goes out to her.

I hope you’re not as critical of her appearance to her face as you are on this thread

@Here4thechocs I think you've misunderstood. Yes, fat is fat. Most people who lose the weight regain it again. You only get one life. You need to be clear about health impacts and step up prevention without saying obese people should spend their whole lives indoors feeling ashamed of their bodies.

She doesn't even live with you - how do you know what she's up to?

I feel concerned having read all of your posts that you seem insistent this is nothing other than access to the tuck shop.

Your insistence she is doing so well at the school is at odds with her weight gain (unless it is purely a health condition.)

Your posts do point to a 'hands over ears' attitude to her emotional health.

I can't help but wonder if the happy , settled appearance she gives is just that- an act.

You sound very black and white and rigid in your attitude.

If she was unhappy, your style of writing here gives the impression you'd not be sympathetic and would have a 'pull yourself together' attitude.

I could be wrong. But it's how you come over.

Why does she board?
Is this for academic excellence? (Is she under pressure to achieve?)
Or because your lifestyle means you can't be a hand-on parent?

FWIW I've worked- and lived - in pastoral care in boarding schools and seen students with all sorts of emotional issues.

This!!!

The point is that she isn’t.

She thinks the school not allowing her free access to food would solve the problem. She think taking her out of somewhere she is very happy in, will solve the problem.

That’s not trying to get to the bottom of a medical issue.

I think the point is that while in theory the answer is simple, in practice it's still very difficult. If it really were that straightforward, we wouldn't have an obesity issue. It's like telling addicts they just have have stop drinking or taking drugs. Well yes, practically that's what they need to do, but the nature of the addiction or mental health issue or lifestyle problem that's causing the excess intake makes it a bit more complicated than that. If it's not something you've ever struggled with then it's probably not something you're going to understand, but the sheer numbers show that it really isn't that simple or else it wouldn't be such a problem. If diets worked...

i’s bring her home for a weekend have a serious chat with be about what she’s eating and take her to a local trusted GP (assuming she is registered) for starters

Something significant is going on that isn't just 'easy access to food'. Almost 50lbs gain in 3 months is getting on for medically impossible in a normal, healthy human - which normally caps out at around 1/3 lb per day.

She needs medical attention and tests.

Yes, for the vast majority of people, calories in, calories out is what's required. But for a teen who has had major surgery that directly impacts hormones and has gained that amount of weight that quickly, don't you think medical examination is needed? Would you put your DD straight on a diet in the same circumstances?

Have you completely missed the fact that there may be a medical issue here, and that OP is going to investigate that ? She’s not criticising so back off with the ‘how dare you’s’. She’s trying to get to the bottom of the cause.

I actually think you should leave her at school. This issue needs careful handling if you don't want to risk serious damage to your daughters self esteem and long term relationship with food. You appear to be coming at this from a place of high emotion, your disgust and anger at your daughters 'flaw' is evident, as is the indignation you feel that all your investment seems to have resulted in an 'imperfect' product. I think you're right to have health concerns, but your attitude won't help, and attitudes like yours tend to be too deeply entrenched to mask in order to offer appropriate support. My advice would be to address this again through the school. Insist that they take it seriously and arrange pastoral support. Do not lay down the law about sweeping policies like locked kitchens. If its a good school one would hope they have the experience to know how this can be addressed on an individual level.

Im hoping not. Poor kid if it is true.