Daughter getting fat in school

Stretch marks? This is screaming possible Cushings syndrome to me too. May not be but it's worth getting her checked out.

Rough calculations say she is eating 1500 calories a day MORE than she needs. Every day. Show her the maths and how it works. Work out her TDEE and show her what she needs to eat to lose the weight steadily. It's science. Show her.

Changing schools won’t necessarily make it worse if it’s comfort eating. Potentially bringing her home might help.

It’s difficult to judge given the variables if this is related to her tumour surgery, or it’s the challenge of a new school or easy access to food or a combination. Either way, disordered eating is common in boarding schools whether over or under.

You have a choice whether to leave her there or move her to a day school near you so you can keep an eye on whatever is going on.

Well, don’t do that until you’ve found out the cause! If it’s a medical issue, then day school or boarding will be irrelevant; if it’s comfort eating, then changing schools might make her worse; and if it’s just her over-eating without realising then that can be sorted without a school move.

The op says she isn't on any medication.

Is she taking steroids post op? These can cause massive weight gain and stretch marks

I'm glad OP is taking her daughter to the GP. I would also ask to see her oncology team.
I think medical checks are the first priority here before blaming the school.(Although it might be necessary to liaise with them at a later stage).
The judgmental language from OP herself and the simple calories in/calories out posts aren't appropriate in this situation.
I also wondered whether steroids had been prescribed at any point.
This girl needs support rather than criticism whatever the reasons for the weight gain.

I haven't rtft, and am sure others have already asked, but do you think it's an eating disorder? If so, you need to get treatment early on - counselling and dietitians need to be involved. Shame that that school is not helping because she can't be the only girl at the school with issues around food as it is so common.

Since OP stated day school is possible it is a valid point though. I feel sorry for the children being sent off to boarding school (without valid reasons) because ofcourse they will feel rejected. Filling up with food when in lack of love is not unheard of

I'm astonished that the school Dr doesn't think putting on 22kg in 4months is a cause for concern and warrants further investigations.

Good that you're taking her to the gp op.

Given that she has been poorly and this weight gain has been so rapid I would be wanting a second opinion on her health. What bloods have they run? Has she had her cortisol levels checked via a 24hr urine collection? Has she seen her specialist who performed the operation? What do they think?

Whatever the cause, this is a massive red flag re: her physical and/or mental health and must be treated delicately and with care rather than shaming and blaming.

Hi. I am curious as to why the school aren’t as concerned as you. As a boarder, she will have a house parent whose job is to act in loco parentis. What is their view? If they genuinely don’t seem bothered there are channels to get this issue escalated, but that would be unusual. Your child’s physical and mental health at school is an integral part of their job.
The other oddity here is activity. Boarding schools are generally active places, with significant sports lessons and when school finishes there are usually activities. Often the children are advised to do a range of activities, not just cerebral, or dance/drama for example. Your houseparent could easily have suggested incorporating more sport/games into your daughter’s routine, or indeed your daughter could instigate that. My daughter had a weight problem, hated sport, but it was arranged that they walked another houseparents dog every day, which they loved, and they were given counselling and nutrition support ( they asked for help).
Please don’t force your daughter into anything she doesn’t want and please don’t judge her. If the gp comes back with no answers other than over eating, just, with a light touch, encourage a change of behaviour and work alongside your houseparent.

Many reasons why boarding school would be a choice. And her daughter was already at boarding school when she had the surgery. It also sounds very much as though DD is home at the weekends so could be necessary due to work commitments. Whether or not she is at boarding school, or the reasons behind the choice isn’t the point of the thread or the reason OP has posted for advice.

How frightening for her to have surgery,

What troubles me about your post is how little curiosity you have about your daughter's internal state of mind and wellbeing. "Excess" signals deprivation somewhere.

Yes, there is a behavioural level as well, of course, and I'm surprised to hear the school doesn't have a wellbeing strategy in place.

Please treasure and love her...we all need this.

As a teenager with fast unexpected weight gain you do also need to encourage her to do a pregnancy test.

This is no sort of judgement on your daughter or your parenting. Almost everyone develops sexual feelings in teenage years, and it only takes one slip. But the earlier you find out / rule this out the better.

I think it's very telling that OP has ignored every question about whether the daughter was underweight to start with and is now a healthier weight. Yes, gaining 3.5 stone in such a short time is potentially concerning, but if she was underweight before then it's no surprise the school aren't super concerned. At my height (5ft 5), there's 2st10 between the very bottom and top of the healthy BMI bracket.

But the obvious thing is that OP has a teenage daughter who had a tumour removed in the past few months, and she has to ask whether she should take her to the GP when the girl's body shows drastic changes shortly after? I hope OP's daughter is at a high academic boarding school, as she's clearly not inheriting much common sense from her parent.

l don't think OP is in Dubai. She said I can assure you all, boarding schools are like 7 Star hotels in Dubai these days. Then goes on to say The problem is there is too much acceptance in the UK of obesity and like it is affecting democracy and a child's rights if they are not given free access to whatever they want. I think she was just making a comparison to show that the school food is of a good standard.

Sometimes career, finances, location of home & business don't give the luxury of choice. And yes, people who can afford boarding can be as hamstrung as anyone anyone else when it comes to childcare.

Who knows what the situation is here, but the attitude that it is always the worst decision in the world is not true.

And no, I do not send my own kids to boarding school, but if I was in a position where it made sense, I would not be adverse to it, nor would I automatically think less of anyone else who did.

I'd be careful about knowing "what sort of girl" she is. It implies that if she is not "that sort of girl", you won't be happy about it. So if she does anything that doesn't fit into your idea of what sort of girl she is, she will try to hide it from you. That will not be good for her self-esteem (she will feel ashamed of her behaviour) and it will mean that any difficult situations (medical, psychological, practical - bad marks, etc.) will come to light only when things reach a crisis point.

Yes thinking back to when I started to drive in my early 30s, I was overweight already but had to walk everywhere/public transport and had a job that involved working in a large county with client visits all day long, back to the office, back out again. Didnt have a clue just how much this was compensating for my vast appetite.

I put on 3 stone in 3 months after I got that bloody car!

Not sure how pulling her from school will stop her eating crap if that’s the problem 🤷‍♀️

I’ve taught at boarding schools and seen this happen with teenage girls, with parents ringing to ask why their daughter has out on a stone in a term.

It’s lifestyle change, mostly. So in this instance a girl had gone from cycling to school everyday to a life where everything was on site: she lived on site and went to school where she lived. Although there was loads of sport and exercise options available after school and at weekends, she wasn’t interested in taking them up and nobody was “making” her (whereas parents might insist there child attends swimming class etc).

Also, there was cake every day after school and dessert every day after dinner, whereas this wasn’t something she was used to at home. Finally puberty, hormones etc.

I should add, this was at the lower end of UK boarding schools and in my opinion not great.

At the end of the day, this school quite literally isn’t a healthy environment for your child and she is learning habits that will shape her whole life, so if school aren’t going to help her make changes then yes remove her.