Daughter getting fat in school

From teaching in a boarding school perspective.

It is unusual in a girl’s boarding house for there to be a lot of girls overeating, under eating is more common. That is the reason for a more relaxed attitude towards food - to create a healthy attitude to it. Restricting food isn’t the solution here. Have you noticed any of her friendship group massively gaining weight?

Part of the problem is there is a lot of food available -in my school we go from 11 to 18. Some of which are very active. If a 13 year old girl eats as much as an 18 year old rugby player she will be over eating. But the food has to be available for the 6’4” teenage boy.

Kitchens aren’t locked overnight (kids need to be able to access a glass of water)but the should be in bed after lights out - if she is going into the kitchen then, then she is sneaking in. This is a different problem - why is she sneaking food?

Most of the food is locked away in matron cupboard though so at my school you wouldn’t be sneaking much. Stuff from the fridge and fruit.

Tuck is available most nights but it wouldn’t be right to stop for all because one is going over board. Again look at why she is buying tuck everyday. Could you reduce the amount of money she has to spend on tuck?

If your communication is as good as you say, you need to ask about these details. If she is feeling overwhelming hunger then you need to get that checked out.

You're coming across as very defensive.
Yes, boarding school is a choice. But it's often now flexi-boarding or weekly boarding.
Which does your DD do?

You say that there are advantages over a day school for you.
Are you willing to say what they are?

When I worked in boarding schools, most students were there either because of parental location (overseas), special needs not catered for in the state system, or state schools not being suitable for some reason.

Many more students now attend indie schools as day pupils. Boarding is on the decline and it's usually for parents whose lives are at a distance or they work crazy hours and can't do hands-on parenting. OR the child has a super skill (maybe sporting or music) that is nurtured more in an indie school. You know, Millfield for sports, Bedales for drama and arts, etc etc.

I know that if a parent had come to any school I'd worked in with a child's eating /weight issue, the staff would have bent over backwards to help. It's not about obesity being acceptable in the UK.

I'd ask you to think very carefully over whether your D is as happy as you think she is. Your posts show a lack of engagement with how her emotions may not be how you perceive them.

If it's not PCOS then it's more likely emotional eating.

Off topic maybe but what on Earth is 'that type of girl'? Be careful about passing that kind of attitude to your daughter or that lovely, open relationship you apparently have won't last long.

She could still be rich though. And her latest post says that her other children can’t wait to go to boarding school. So presumably it’s not a bursary but op has chosen to pay to send her there.

OP how do you know her exact weight gain? Have you weighed her? What was her weight before and after or bmi? Is she actually in the overweight or obese category now? Where was the tumour? How old is your teen?

There is no such thing.

OP has posted that her younger kids are eager to start boarding school, so it sounds like there’s an element of choice here. OP also said in a previous thread that she is a disabled single mum of three. If she’s getting bursaries there will be good reasons.

Quite, but thts not relevant to my query which is what this response above is about, which is that posters keep referring to 'speak to her oncology team' or phone the oncology department as if the child has had cancer. OP hasnt said this.

Other posters had mentioned oncology upthread so I made a probably incorrect assumption.
It's still the case that the tumour that was removed and other treatment the daughter may have had could have affected her appetite/ metabolism so appropriate medical checks imo are the first approach.
I also agree with the poster who, having been taken to the GP by her own mother, said that the mother needs to be very careful how she approaches it.
Perhaps a chat with the GP first before taking the daughter in?

Not disputing that and it wasn’t the point of my post. I was answering a poster who said she had missed the OP saying DD had cancer. OP didn’t mention the word cancer at any point.

I think this is the first cause I would explore, OP. Treatment, medications and impact on taste and hormones has a huge effect on weight and there hasn't really been enough study of why. Once my DS's treatment stopped, he put on 10kg in 8 months. There's no explanation for it outside of the tumour, though the Drs like to blame us for the weight gain, claiming we must be overfeeding him (we don't) or feeding him junk food (we don't). I wouldn't be so quick to assume your DD is buying junk food or stuffing herself in the kitchen at night.

Or has it prevented her from exercising as she would previously done?

Is her BMI within the normal range?

Hence my use of the word “might”… She might miss her friends; she might see it as a punishment for her emotional eating; she might feel she’s failed and now has to go home.

It isn't uncommon for teenagers to gain weight at boarding school. The meals are often quite stodgy, choice of fresh foods limited, and the pupils end up plugging the gap with biscuits and toast in the evenings, both of which the boarding house may provide. Depending on her age there may also be an element of her metabolism changing/ a hormonal impact.
But to gain the amount your DD has really is unusual. My youngest who has recently started boarding has filled out a bit because of the availability of stodge but I'd be surprised if it is much more than a kilo. Glad you are taking her to the doctor, OP.

But at least check out the possibility of a medical reason first ? “Showing her’ needs to be done carefully and sensitively or it will come across as blaming her. And if it is a medical problem it won’t be down to what she’s eating.

Yes exactly, at least a couple of posters keep talking about oncology

Ive had 3 tumours removed over the past 30 years, all benign, no need for oncologists.

Although OP is causing a lot of frustration by not answering questions fully

Doesn't mean it wont have been very frightening for a child. There would have likely been a period of time where everyone was worried it was cancer, and that can be a traumatic period

Exact same with me. Sudden intense hunger and sugar cravings, thick body hair and weight gain. Low carb diet resolved it. Did try medication but the side effects outweighed the benefit

3.5 st in 4 months. Id assume either binge eating disorder, or a thyroid/metabolic/hormonal issue.

Does she definitely sneak to eat food at night?
Could she be needing more emotional support than shes getting? Does she do sports?

Having a tumour removed and then back to boarding school, thats got to be tough for a child.

That’s because she didn’t. DD had what sounds like a benign tumour removed - this poster has assumed it was cancer.

Funny OP

I missed where OP said she had cancer?

Can I just add a bit of advice from my personal experience?

I remember, as a child/pre-teen, being taken to a doctor by my mother to ask why I was overweight when my brothers weren't. Until then I genuinely didn't know there was anything "wrong" with me but the repercussions of that and my mother trying, with her negligible knowledge of nutrition, trying to restrict my food have stayed with me throughout my life.
I am now in my 60s and have battled demons related to weight and disordered eating ever since.

I know you have your DDs best interests at heart but please tread carefully, teenage girls are very fragile in many ways and, worst case scenario here is that you uproot her from her friends and make her feel inadequate which could have lifelong consequences